James Brennan: Satin lives.

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Mike Connell: Hey, James... you still have anymore of those baby joints?

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Joel: [after getting hit in the head with a corn-dog] That was a whole corndog!

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Tommy Frigo: James, don't get all drunk and fall asleep or anything.
James Brennan: Why not?
Tommy Frigo: Because I'll jack off on your face.

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James Brennan: Yeah, Frigo was my best friend. Then, I turned four.

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Em Lewin: [to James, after he has been punched in the balls sa pamamagitan ng Frigo] What the hell was that?
James Brennan: It's just my life.

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Eric: Fuck this weed is good.

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Joel: [playing arcade game] Two options: I can play it safe, pick them off from back here, or I can rush into the breach mga baril a blazing, make a run to the cortex and... bombs away!
[sound of beating a level]
Joel: "Audentes Fortunas Juvat", Fortune Favors the Bold. Virgil sinabi that.
Em Lewin: I'm sure Virgil had Bionic Mutant in mind.

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Em Lewin: [after her stepmom tells her to apologize to her] I don't owe you shit

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Joel: What's the point of being a writer or an artist anyway? Herman Melville wrote fuckin' Moby Dick, he was so poor and forgot sa pamamagitan ng the time he died that in his obituary they called him Henry Melville. You know, like why bother? They're just going to forget our fuckin' names anyway. I heard Em went back to New York.
James Brennan: I wish it didn't end like that, I should've - I don't know.
[Beat]
James Brennan: Your Herman Melville story that - that's bullshit.
Joel: It's true, they called him Henry.
James Brennan: No, I mean, he wrote a seven-hundred page allegorical novel about the whaling industry. I think he was a pretty passionate guy, Joel. I hope they call me Henry when I die, too.
Joel: One can only hope

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James Brennan: [Falco's Rock Me Amadeus song is played once again at the amusement park] Hesus Fucking Christ! They play this song like 20 times a day!
Joel: Fucking sadists. Fucking sadists!

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[last lines]
James Brennan: Are we doing this?
Em Lewin: Yeah, I think we are.

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Guest: I pag-ibig what you've done with the house.
Francy: Thank you.
Mr. Lewin: It's clean.
Em Lewin: I thought the house was a lot nicer the way my mum used to have it, it's pretty barfirific if you ask me.
Francy: Is that some kind of joke Emily?
Em Lewin: No, it's not.
Francy: I think you own me an apology right now.
Em Lewin: I don't owe you shit.

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James Brennan: I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that pader but they spelled it "Satin Lives".
Em Lewin: One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.

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Joel: We pay little Malaysian kids 10 cents a araw to make these toys, we can't just *give* them away.

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Joel: [looking at isda bowls] A little madami than 40% of these isda are dead.

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Sue O'Malley: What are you majoring in?
Joel: Russian literature and Slavic languages.
Sue O'Malley: Oh wow, that's pretty interesting. What career track is that?
Joel: Cabby, hot dog vendor, marihuwana delivery guy. The world is my oyster.

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Sue O'Malley: [drunk, helped to her feet sa pamamagitan ng Joel] You're so strong-ish.
Joel: I'll take that.

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Em Lewin: [yelling at Sue] You know you don't deserve to petsa Joel. You're an anti-Semitic asshole, what do you like hate gay people too? Do you support apartheid?

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Park customer: [throws ball at dummy's hat, nothing happens] I hit that thing dead on!
Joel: Yet he still retains his chapeau.

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Em Lewin: [to James] Can you stop saying "intercourse"?

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Bobby: Brennan, you been toking up?
James Brennan: What?
Bobby: You been drinking drugs?
James Brennan: [nervously] No.
Paulette: Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?
James Brennan: Yea, maybe like a little bit.

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Sue O'Malley: [turning down a petsa from Joel] He told my parents. We're Catholic. He told my parents that you're Jewish.
Joel: Oh, but I'm an atheist, maybe madami of a pragmatic nihilist I guess or an existential pagan if you will...
Sue O'Malley: Yeah, yeah um, but my parents are really strict. Sorry.

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Bobby: Hey, litterbug! In the clown mouth!

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James Brennan: I am amazed at how tiny my paycheck is.
Joel: We are doing the work of lazy, pathetic morons.

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James Brennan: My theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. You can trust me on that because I'm a New Yorker.