#1:

Trevor: Yo what the fuck cowboy!?

Audience: (laughs)

Johnny: (reveals himself)

Audience: (cheers)

Trevor: (annoyedly) Oh great. madami bikers.

Johnny: I hope you don't mind us setting up tahanan here?

Trevor: No, no. I am okay with that.

(at the trailer)

Trevor: (pacing angrily) I AM SO NOT OKAY WITH THIS!

Audience: (laughs)

Ron: Chill out boss. We can sell to them. They look rich.

Trevor: Ohh. And this is the part where I say "I am okay with that".. (laughs) WELL I AM!

Audience: (laughs)

Trevor: Come on boys! The Nawawala is are new members.. What's the worst that can come from this.

Wade: Just try not to screw with them T.

Trevor: Of coarse I won't.

ONE WEEK LATER:

Trevor: (murders Johnny in cold blood) susunod TIME DON'T GET IN MY FUCKIN FACE! I JUST SAW A FUCKIN GHOST AND NOW I GOTTA HEAR YOUR CRAP! Get up! GET UP!

Audience: (claps uncomfortably)

#2:

In the jewelry store heist.

Michael: Man, I haven't been this excited since I passed segundo grade.

FLASHBACK ONE:

(Michael is a little boy, chasing invisible mga paru-paro in the background.

Principle: I'm sorry Mrs Townley, your son will have to redo segundo grade.

FLACKBACK TWO:

(Michael is a young teenager in the back)

Principle: I'm sorry Mrs Townley, your son will have to redo the segundo grade.

FLASHBACK THREE:

Principle: Good job Mr Townley you passed the segundo grade.

Michael: (now his current age) Oh that is fantastic.. Now if you excuse me, I have to go now.. Theirs a crazy Mexican after me, and I have to rob a jewelry store to pay him back

#3:

Pinkie: Got it.. (pulls out the tombstone).

Trevor: This is it.. Moment of truth.. (opens the coffin, finding Brad's body). AHHHHH! As if I didn't know!... Brad!

Michael: Look... We all do what we gotta do to survive... This THING., It didn't end up the way was suppose to.

Trevor: Oh, and how's that!?.. With Brad in the ground, and me in bars!?... Or both of us in the fuckin coffin!?

Michael: Look.. Brad got shot.. You saw it.. He didn't make it.. I got shot, and did.. That's it!

Trevor: (still angry)

Michael: Hold on.. You really angry, or just making yourself seem louder?

Trevor: I'M REALLY ANGRY!

The voice from Spongebob: Blistering Fury!

Trevor: You were lying to me Mikey!..

Michael: Look, I'm sor-

Trevor: (raises his pistol) LIER!

Michael: (puts his hands up) Wow.. Wow.. T!

Trevor: Shut up and raise your gun, pussy!

#4:

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) Hi, I'm Trevor Phillips! And as you may know, I am totally and completely INSANE! (deranged chuckle)... I like to yell at mice with my sando off!

[Cut to Trevor on all fours, shirtless, and literary screaming at a small mouse]

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) Sometimes, I like to steal other people's scabs!

[Cut to a man standing at a bus stop with a visible scab on his knee. Trevor comes in, rips the scab off the man's knee, and runs down the kalye holding it high in the air and screaming the entire way down].

Trevor: (sitting on a long chair, beside a fireplace) How do I stay so crazy!? [Holds up a bottle of pills] Trevor Phillips's Crazy Pills!.. Take one with breakfast! One with lunch!.. And before you know it, you'll be up on your roof, pooping in the chimney!

[Cut to Trevor sitting on tuktok of a chimney]

Trevor: [Calling down] Hold out your stockings, kids!

#5:

Michael: Alright Lester.. I'm inside. Why do I need these glasses?

Lester: (voice) For the 20th time.. They have a camera inside them.

Michael: Ahh.. So you can take pictures of me shopping for diamonds?

Lester: (voice) No idiot..I need pictures of the security and vents.

Michael: If only we brought a camera, right?

Lester: (voices) We DID bring a camera, stupid.. I just told you.

Michael: I'm confused.

Lester: (voice is getting angrier) There's a camera on your fuckin glasses, Michael!

Michael: And why would I need a camera on my glasses?

Lester: (voice) Just tell me you see the vents and security code?

Michael: Yeah.. Not hard to miss them, Lest.

Lester: (voice) Now take the picture.

Michael: How?

Lester: (voices) there's a camera!

Michael: On what?

Lester: (voice is screaming) THE GLASSES!

Michael: Ohh.. Okay. (takes the pictures and it sends to Lester).

Lester: (voice) Good, now speak to the worker.

Michael: (goes to the female worker) uy lady.. I'm gonna be robbing this place later, (lester groans annoyedly). So tell me, are these glass cases easy to break.

Girl: (thinks he's joking) funny sir, funny.. But I suppose, yes.

Michael: And are the diamonds real?

Girl: Of coarse they are, sir.

Michael: Alright.. Thanks baby.. I better go now. (leaves).

Lester: (voie) Let's hurry up.. We're on the clock here.

Michael: Sure, just a sec.. (goes to hot dog stand) One of them please.

Hot dog guy: What you want on it?

Michael: ... Hmm.. Good question.

Lester: (voice is annoyed) Oh my GOD!

#6:

Carly: Alright Franklyn, you got the gas?

Franklyn: Sure do.

Carly: Good, prepare to reach the roof once this guard leaves.. It seems safer than just bursting in.

Michael: Burst in!?

Calry: No, don't burst i-

Michael: (along with Packie) LET'S BURST INNN!.. (the two of them stupidly burst wait into the front door, armed with mga baril and ski masks, ruining everything).

Carly: (facepalm)

Michael: (bursts in with mask) YOUR BEING ROBBED!!

Packie MacCreary: Yeah! On the fuckin floor!

Michael: Yeah! This is your moment! Please don't make us waste all the hard work your plastic surgeons have done. ON THE FLOOR! NOW!

Michael: (approaches worker) You! Fill this bag with clean, unmarked diamonds!.. But first!.. But first fix that notepad so it's at a right angle with the corner of your desk!..

Packie: And tap that pile of receipts against a flat surface so they're not sticking out haphazardly!

Michael: (takes of the mask) Okay, you know what., Fuck the money! Everybody grab a broom, were gonna tidy this place up!

#7:

Michael: Really? I thought Trevor was gonna be flying.

Franklyn: What could that crazy man POSSIBLY be busy with!?

Michael: Who knows.. But I'm sure whatever it is, is completely violent and terrifying..

TREVOR'S CARAVAN:

Pinkie Pie: (sitting cutely)

Trevor: (literary training her) Alright.. Where gonna try this one madami time.. (extends hand) Gimme paw.

Pinkie: ... (extends her hoof onto his hand)

Trevor: Good.. Now... Other paw.

Pinkie: ... (extends 'same' hoof).

Trevor: (annoyedly) No, 'other' paw!

Pinkie: ... (again extends the same hoof)

Trevor: (getting angry) For god sakes, we practiced this! Your gonna make me look bad in front of the others!

Trevor: other paw..

Pinkie: ... (finally extends the right hoof)

Trevor: Finally!

Pinkie: (annoyingly) You know this reminds of the time wh-

Trevor: (deeply annoyed) Shut up!

#8:

Michael: (stomps over to Trevor, grabs the serbesa he's drinking, and smashes it onto the ground).

Trevor: ... Problem?

Michael: Those fuckin cult mga kaibigan of YOURS SHOT MY DAUGHTER! It's a damn good thing she and the baby are okay!

Trevor: (jumps up) SHE'S PREGNANT!.. Whose baby is that?

Michael: The biker.

Trevor: TREVOR NEEDS TO GAT THAT PUNK asno BITCH!!

LATER:

Johnny wakes up and sees a hat laying on the ground, and reads the sign beside it) "Put your head between these two restrained logs and win a free hat".

[the camera zooms out revealing two restrained logs hanging from the ceiling]

Johnny: Well, that's a no-brainer.

[the camera moves to Trevor, who is ready to cut the ropes that's restraining the logs]

Trevor: Come on, you fat fuck. Do it.

Audience: (laughs nervously)

[Johnny, despite knowing how obvious the trap is, stupidly walks to the logs and places his head between them.

Trevor: (cuts the rope which releases the logs which crushes Johnny's head]

Johnny: [screams]

Trevor: [laughs himself into tears)

Audience: (falls silent)

[moments later Johnny is sitting in the kusina with his new hat despite his head being crushed and bloody]

Johnny: Who's laughing now? I got my hat.

#9:

Carly: Johnny?.. Johnny are you listening to me?

Johnny: Oh, sorry, Carly. I, uh, just had one of my Scrubs pantasiya moments.

Carly: I hate things that cut away from the story for some toro crap.

Cutaway of Hitler on a unicycle, juggling fish, to circus music.

#10:

Carly: (dials 911) HELP ME! MY UNCLE IS ON A VIOLENT RAMPAGE!

Cop: Oh!.. (hangs up) That's a relief, I thought it was something serious.

#11:

Amanda: God Jimmy!.. I only have myself to blame. It's not like your father can do anything.

Micheal: (sarcastically) Yeah. Because all I did was pull you out of a trash town and into a mansion in Los Santos.. And what do I get!?.. Nothing., nothing but an old picture of you in an old Hooker uniform, that I occasionally masturbate towards.

Audience: (laughs)

Jimmy: As do I.

Audience: (laughs)

Micheal: (disgusted) OH MY GOD! That's disgusting! That's your mother!

Audience: (laughs and claps)

Jimmy: I'm just being hones-

Micheal: (angrily) Get out! Get out of my house!

Jimmy: Bu-

Micheal: (punches violent hole in wall) I sinabi GET OUT!

#12:

Michael and the gang ran into the burning FIB building, pretending to be fireman, ignoring the people standing there.

Everything goes well, till Carly ends up dying in a explosion.

Packie: Oh my god, they killed Carly!

Franklyn: You bastards!

Michael: Guys, chill.. I'm sure she's not TRULY gone.

Meanwhile:

Amanda: (suddenly goes into label) IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!

#13:

Stretch: I am TOTALLY gonna betray Franklyn and Lamar, even though we grew up together.. Just makes it madami fun that wa-

Michael: (holding double barrel shotgun). Yo Stretch..

Stretch: What do you wa- (gets a shotgun blast to the face, killing him).

Voice 1: Oh my god! He killed Stretch!

Voice 2: The basterd!

#14:

Carly: Banged your head again?

Johnny: Yes all I remember was doing one of those scratch and wins. Looked down, and th- (sees he won) I WO- (bangs his head on the same spot he did earlier, and again falls unconscious).

#15:

Trevor: This is the guy that Iced Brad.. And would of iced me!?.. I'll be better off putting my sights on HIM !

Michael: Don't be an idiot!.. Most of the guys after me are because of you!.. And we need Dave alive!

Trevor: (screams angry Gibberish)

Michael: Hey! Leave Carly out of this!

Trevor: Lttiguy Hittigit thittagee addagalitigarm clidigock!

Michael: Yes.. I know about the baby..Just leave it alone!

Trevor: whibich wibould sibound libike thibis!

Michael: YOU WATCH YOUR FUCKIN MOUTH!

#16:

Michael: I only threw up twice, so it was a good day.

#17:

Michael: (appears in front of Trevors trailer, giving rock motion) T!

Trevor: (annoyedly) Get outta here Michael! Your ruining my show!

Michael: Huh. A ipakita about you. I'm serprised it wasn't "already" ruined..

Words appear saying "(THAT'S MICHAEL)".

#18:

Young Carly: Uncle Trevor?

Trevor: (wearing mascot costume on everything but his head) uy baby girl.. This time I think I got just the thing people will remember me for. I am gonna stop pollution with my new, lovable character, Gary the No-trash Cougar.

Young Carly: Wow.. That IS a good idea actually.

Trevor: Damn straight.. The school will pag-ibig me (puts on the mask, but it reveals to be the type of things NIGHTMARES are made of).

Young Carly: Uncle.. Their only my age.. 7 or 8 years ol-

Trevor: (in the scary costume) Not now Carly.. (cocks AP pistol).

Young Carly: (gasps) Wait, is that a real gu- (Trevor runs into the cafeteria) TREVOR!

Trevor bursts into the cafeteria, with the horrifying costume, and fires a live bullet into the roof to catch the attention of frightened little kids).

Trevor: (violently screaming) PICK UP YOUR TRASH!

Trevor: (still angry) I wanna know whose cup this is! (shoots his gun into the air) I sinabi I WANNA KNOW WHO'S CUP THIS IS!

A frightened little girl timidly raises her hand.

Trevor: (points the gun at her) PICK IT UP!.. PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP!

The girl, frightened for her life, puts the trash in the garbadge.

Trevor: (calmly) Thank you, sweetie. See what a nicer place this is when we all pitch in? Like Gary the No-trash Cougar.. Give a larbage, throw out your garbage. Spread the word! (He fires his gun into the air as he leaves the room).

#19:

Packie: He's Canadian!?

Michael: Yep. A lonely old Canadian brony who has no life outside this site.

Packie: God! no wonder we're all so screwed up in this verison!

Michael: Yeah.. Soon as I found out. I was ready to put a fuckin bullet in my mouth.

Packie: I don't blame you..

Michael: Yeah, but what can we do.. He's still the one Pagsulat this.

#20:

Trevor: Don't touch that alarm! (shoots it, ironically triggering it) DAMN IT!

Another guard comes in.

Guard 2: Ohh I'm so excited, first araw as a security guar-

Brad: (panics and shooting guard 2 dead with his AP Pistol).

Guard 2: Crap. (dies).

Brad: (examines the body and begins to panic) Oh shit! Now it's murder man! IT'S MURDER!

Michael: Just rel-

Brad: FUCK THAT! (jumps though the glass window) I WANNA LIVE! (lands on the highway, and gets ran over sa pamamagitan ng a OC Transpo bus).

Michael: SHIT!.. Trevor! Brad is dead!

Trevor: Very funny Michael.

#21:

Pinkie: AHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Alturist: We know your a part of Trevor Phillips Inc, little girl.

Pinkie: I'm 22.

Alturist: Still little.. But anyway.. We were trying to decide what to do with you.. Rape you.. Or just kill you.. We decided BOTH. We are already naked after all.

Pinkie: I know.. I'm gonna have to put acid in my eyes after. (tries getting up, but they kick her in the face, breaking her nose, and causing her too much pain to ilipat as quickly as she tried.

Alturist: That broken nose is gonna be a walk in the park, compared to what we're gonna do NEXT.. (grabs the kutsilyo Pinkie keeps with her prepares to stab her, but Pinkie head butts him, and again tries to escape, only to be wracked in the face a another one of them, who was holding a shotgun).

Alturist 2: Your only making this harder for yours- (suddenly out of completely nowhere, a machete edge appeared though the guys stomach, as an unshown person LITERARY stabbed in the back).

The Machete ripped back out of him, and the guy fell dead, Trevor was revealed when the body fell down. Holding a machete and hockey mask.. Purposely looking like JASON VOORHEES.

Trevor: Ohhh, look at me, I'm an undead killer!.. You have sex in my camp, and then I kill you! HAHAHA!.. GO SPORTS!

Pinkie: (finally looks up) T -Trevor?

Trevor: Yes.. Now you naked creeps have two choices.. Leave Pinkie alone.. Or die.

Alturist: FUCK YOU! (pulls out AP Pistol and prepares to shoot him, but Trevor rips his whole hand off with the machete, as the Altruist screams in pain and shock).

Trevor: Boy man, I gotta HAND it too you.. That looked painful.

Enraged, all the Altruists starts charging at him with knives and stuff like that. But Trevor made short work of them. Literary chopping them into various pieces.

The one armed one ran for it, but banged into a tree, and tripped over an edge, unintentionally killing himself.

Trevor: (removes the mask and throws it off the edge) It smells funny in that thing.. (puts his machete in it's holder, and lifts up Pinkie). So.. You forgive me now?

Pinkie: Not really... But it's a start.. Thank you Trevor.

#22:

Trevor: Where the hell are Johnny and Chef? Time is limited here!

Carly: They sinabi they had very important business to tend too

Chef and Johnny are seen hitting night sticks at what's assumed to be a person.

Johnny: We're gonna straighten you out!

Chef: Yeah! This will fix yeah!

It's revealed their using their night sticks to straighten a crooked parking meter.

Johnny: (points his nightstick at another crooked parking meter) Let's get that one!

#23:

Amanda: Hey, Michael, sa pamamagitan ng the way, the roofer came today while you were at work.

Michael: (annoyed) Annd!?

Amanda: ... It's gonna be five grand to fix it.

Michael: (angrily) Ohh, That's just perfect. I pag-ibig spending $5,000 on something nobody can see!.. Anyone got madami happy news?

Jimmy: ... Well, my science class is taking a field trip to the water purification center.

Michael: (annoyed) Annd?

Jimmy: Annd, it costs $10 for lunch and the bus.

Michael: Ten dollars!? What the hell is it with that school, that every time you walk in there, somebody wants $10!?

Jimmy: Look, I'm really sorry, but if we're that desperate for money, isn't there something we can do? I mean, maybe we could ask to borrow some from your friend Packie?

Michael: Ohh, you'd LIKE that, wouldn't you!? Like to see me walk all the way susunod door, hat in hand, and ask HIM for money!.. Bet you'd have your nose pressed against the glass to watch THAT conversation... Sure, let's just go up there WAIT NOW, and tell him I'm a failure!

Jimmy: No, that's not what I-

Michael: No, no, no, it's a good idea! Let's just go right now and tell him how much of a FAILURE I AM!

Jimmy: But I-

Michael: (drags Jimmy upstairs)

Packie: (off view) Oh uy Michael.

Michael: (off view) Jimmy has something he wants to tell you.

Jimmy: (off view) Dad, please, I'm sorry.

Michael: (off view) SAY IT!

Jimmy: (off view) (crying) Michael is a failure

Packie: (off view) Uhh.. Okay

#24:

Trevor: Ohhh.. All out of batteries?

Lazlo: Please don't kill me.. I've been in EVERY grand theft auto game!

Trevor: Yeah well.. That little girl sat on my leg when she was was 3 years old. And I swore to god I would the face off anyone, who fuckin wronged her!

Michael: Yeah.. As he said.

#25:

NORTH YANKTON:

Michael: (weakly) Hey, T... I'm shot.

Trevor: Townley, you idiot. What are you doing?

Michael: Dying... Mostly.

Trevor: Idiot.

#26:

Alturist Leader: Yes, (points at Trevor) you're going to be my BITCH! I'm going to sell you for a cigarette- but not before I violate you, because you're my BI-

Carly: (walking by, when she sees the Alturist camp explode violently).

#27:

Trevor: (watching TV)

ACTOR 1: Hey, man. Is that the last Hetap?

ACTOR 2: Yeah, and it's all mine! (a gunshot is heard) Ahh! Ahh! Oh, God! Oh, Jesus! Why?! (another gunshot is heard)

NARRATOR: Hetap. Come on, (low, evil voice) you've killed for less.

Trevor: (thinking) That's not UNtrue...

#28:

Trevor: Is this really nesseary?

Pinkie/Pinkamena: Coarse it is. You been my owner all this time, and haven't even seen my show.

Trevor: Fine., but if this turns me into a bitch, your never hear the end of i-.

(brainwash sounds)

Voice: You are now watching my little pony.

Trevor: (hyponotized) I m now watching my little pony

Audience: (laughs)

voice: My little parang buriko is the greatest ipakita you ever seen. Except maybe family guy.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) My little parang buriko is the greatest ipakita I ever seen. Except maybe Family guy.

Audience: (laughs)

Voice: You will recommend my little parang buriko and family guy to everybody you know.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) I will recommend my little parang buriko and family guy to everyone I know.

Voice: You will never stop talking about my little pony, or family guy.

Trevor: (still brainwashed) I will never stop talking about my little pony, or family guy.

Audience: (laughs).

(present time.. Witch is directly after the mission THREE'S COMPANY).

Trevor: Michael. Look at us, eh?.. New town. New set of problems. But the idiots. They stay the same.

Michael: Don't worry. Things will slow down soon.

Trevor: You know what's NOT slowing down? My little pony. Greatest ipakita I seen sense family guy.

Audience: (laughs)

Michael: (annoyed) God, you never shut up about those fuckin shows!

Audience: (laughs harder)

Trevor: (gets in helicopture).

Michael: I'll see you later.

Trevor: Ohh, you better believe it buddy.. (flies off).

#29:

Franklyn: So we good right? Then let's go?

Trevor: I won't a taste.

Franklyn: No, we're going!

Trevor: I want of the other side.

Dealer: No way ma-

Trevor: (sudden anger) Oh yeah, well, FUCK YOU! I didn't want it anyway.. (flips his middle finger at the dealers face).. I'll rather stay at home, then be with your motherfuckin fagot for the rest of the day.. Good araw bitch.. (storms out, still pointing middle finger).

Audience: (laughs).

(awkward silence).

Trevor: (calmly returns soon after) Dude, I totally didn't mean that.

Audience: (laughs a little)

Trevor: I'm sorry we had that fight jut then. You know, I mean. You sinabi some things. I sinabi something's.. But let's just put it behind us, and try to be mga kaibigan again.

Dealer: ... I'm still not giving you it.

Trevor: (angrily flips him off again) WELL FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! (tries grabbing it, revealing it to only be drywall with a key inside).

Trevor: Yo! That's a "close call with brick wall"!

Audience: (laughs)

Dealer: Isn't that an album for Andrew W.K.

Trevor: Sure is.. I like to "party hard" bitch!

Dealer: Wha-

Trevor: I "get wet" and like to "party hard"!.. "we want fun" asshole!

Dealer: Are you just naming songs!?

Audience: (laughs)

Trevor: GET READY TO DIE!

Dealer: Yo! We got some motherfuckin buyers remorse over here! (slams door closed)

Trevor: YO, YOU CAN'T FUCKIN HUSTLE A HUSTLER!

#30:

Franklyn: Are you playing tindahan Boyz!?

Michael: (playing Party like a Rockstar/Shop Boy, loudly on the radio) Shut up, their good okay!