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Family Guy Script
Episode: ###
Stewie Quagmire
Summary: When Stewie gets a cold, Lois is forced to take him to the doctor, where his birth certificate shows up, revealing that he’s Quagmire’s son.

Key: ( ) = location
{ } = info
[ ] = Action
/ = commercial break
(Griffin house)
(Living Room)

[Family sitting on sopa watching TV]

Dianne Simpsons: In local news the, a cold academic has swept through Quahog.
Tom Tucker: Well, Dianne I’m not sure if it’s an academic. It’s just a cold.
Dianne: Do you really have to contradict everything I say?
Tom: I’m just saying, it happens once a year, it’s...
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Peter: Mr Booze
Audience: Mr Booze

Peter: Mr Booze

Mr B Double O Z E

Brian & Bruce: That sure spells booze

Peter: You will wind up wearing tattered shoes, if you mess with Mr. Booze

Brian & Bruce: Don't mess with Mr. Booze

Audience: Don't mess with Mr. Booze

Peter: Don't mess with Mr. B-Double O-Z-E

If you been so stiff they thought you died

You'll feel better once you've testified

Audience: Testify

Bruce: Oh yeah!

Audience: Testify

Audience: Testify

Bruce: I wanna testify, I wanna testify!

Peter: Well then cleanse yourself my son, cleanse yourself!

Bruce: One time I took a aklatan book out and I fells...
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