"You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard."
"I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling."
"I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion."
"I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners."
"I empower my Cheerios to live in fear sa pamamagitan ng creating an environment of irrational, walang tiyak na layunin terror."
"I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one."
Sue: "When you hear your name called, tumawid over to this side of this black shiny thing."
Will: "That's called a piano, Sue."
"God, it feels good to finally pop that zit known as Will Schuester."
"I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me."
"Every time I try to destroy that club, it comes back strong than some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain."
"When I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as reyna Cleopatra, I was aroused. And then furious."
"I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Try not being homeless for once.'"
"Not everyone is gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance. But I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage."
"Caning works! And I think it's about time we did a little madami of it right here... yes, we cane!"
" I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office."
"That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."
Sue: "Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate."
Will: "I don't menstruate."
Sue: "Neither do I."
"You think this is hard? Try waterboarding. That's hard!"
"You think this is hard? I have hepatitis. That's hard!"