1. Should Dudley be backing up for any reason, go "beep, beep, beep . . ."
2. Egg their house. Don't feel confined to chicken eggs.
3. amerikana their entire kusina with butter.
4. Get a cheap Muggle cell phone. Give it a very annoying ring tone, and set it to ring every oras on the hour. Make it invisible. Hide it in the air vent of their house.
5. Charm their garden hose to come to life and spray them down.
6. Charm their lawn to sprout large purple mushrooms. When stepped on, these mushrooms should squeak loudly.
7. Replace any bulaklak in their garden with the ever popular water squirting flowers.
8. Sneak some particularly eerie-looking gnomes into their garden. Partially hide them behind bushes and such, so that they appear to be spying on those nearby.
9. If there's any room left in the garden, plant them a particularly sensitive Mimbulus Mimbletonia.
10. Slip a doxy into their mailbox . . .
11. . . . And a gnome in their pantry . . .
12. . . . And Kreacher under one of their beds . . .
13. . . . And a boggart into the refrigerator. Tell Dudley it's a new dieting technique.
14. Offer them foot rubs.
15. Gather a large group of people together, and surround the Dursley's house. Have everyone press their faces against the windows. When Mr. Dursley charges out to confront the group, tell him that you are there to eavesdrop, and ask if its a good time.
16. Paint the Hogwarts crest on their front door.
17. Use a permanent sticking charm to attach a wizards cape and hat to their front door, beneath the painted crest.
18. On New Year's Eve, anonymously send them a box of well-disguised wizard crackers.
19. On Valentine's Day, send each Dursley about seventy-five valentines sa pamamagitan ng owl, signing them all from "their secret, magical admirer."
20. On St. Patrick's Day, gather some particularly jolly leprechauns and persuade them to do a jig merrily on the Dursley's front lawn for the entire day. Ring the front doorbell, and Disapparate.
21. On Bonfire Night/Independence Day, send them a box of Weasley's Wild apoy Whizbangs.
22. If petunia should ever inquire of you an idea for a Halloween costume, suggest a witch.
23. If Dudley should ever ask the same question, suggest a pig.
24. For Christmas, get all of your Hogwarts mga kaibigan together. ipakita up at the Dursley house, and sing pasko carols loudly, for as long as possible.
25. Replace any hard sweets that may be in the house, with the Weasley "effects" sweets.
26. Grind several Ton-Tongue toffees into a fine powder, and add it to any and all of the flour and sugar canisters.
27. Put a charm on Dudley that will make him crawl and walk on walls and ceilings, Spider-Man style.
28. Wake the whole family up at five in the morning to lead them in a peppy exercise routine. Include lots of Jumping Jacks.
29. Offer to read their tea-leaves.
30. Should they accept, tell them you see three figures, two fat, one thin, all very bad tempered. Go on to say that these people will never find happiness and are best avoided.
31. Infest their tahanan with Pygmy Puffs.
32. Tell them they don't exist.
33. Find the most "un-Dursleyish" person you know, and set them up on a blind petsa with Dudley.
34. Write "Aunt Marge" on a bunch of inflated balloons. Fill the Dursley's kusina with them.
35. Find a way to magically change the color of their outfits, making each outfit a different lurid color depending on the araw of the week (hot kulay-rosas for Monday, Neon Green for Tuesday . . .).
36. Switch Dudley's homework with Harry's.
37. Make all the doors in their house require passwords. Try to make these passwords either sickeningly cute, or magic-loving.
38. Shave off Uncle Vernon's mustache under the cover of darkness.
39. . . . Transfer this mustache onto Petunia.
40. Leave a bundle of fake wands from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes tied up with a ribbon on their coffee table.
41. Try this dialogue with Dudley: "Hey Dudley, guess what?" "What?" "Nothing." Repeat this several times daily.
42. Get a stuffed rabbit and balutin it in swaddling clothes like a baby. Pin a note saying that they must care for this precious child, and guard it with their lives. Add a post script saying that should the rabbit government find that they are mistreating it in anyway, they will be dealt with. Ring their doorbell, and Dissaparate. Works even better if a lightning bolt-scar is drawn above the rabbit's right eye.
43. Suggest to petunia a new nickname for her son: gatas Dudsley.
44. Offer them peppermint humbugs.
45. Sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves."
46. Should Dudley ever be on a diet, get some rich, tsokolate cupcakes, topped with cream and kendi sprinkles. Charm them so that they disappear when touched and reappear after a few minutes. Place them everywhere Dudley might see them.
47. Buy petunia and Vernon a book on child rearing, with emphasis on not spoiling children.
48. Go to their home, and ask if Harry can come out and play.
49. Enchant their telebisyon to play nothing but weight loss and anger management commercials.
50. Replace all beverages in their house with butterbeer.
51. Replace all cookbooks in their house with potions textbooks.
52. Try to convince them that the only way to avoid financial ruin is to ilipat all their funds to Gringotts.
53. Cast a spell on Dudley so that he will end every sentence with "potato."
54. Bake them a batch of perfectly ordinary, untampered cookies. After each have taken a bite, tell them that Harry and Sirius made them "special."
55. Using a paintbrush and stinksap, paint a mural on their kusina floor.
56. Play wizard "Ding Dong Ditch" with them. Go invisible, ring the doorbell, and stay there.
57. Invite them to hapunan at an Asian restaurant. Procure chopsticks that look exactly like wands.
58. Blurt out "Boring!" whenever they talk about anything relating to work, or various Muggle contraptions.
59. Rearrange their furniture and belongings several times a day. Deny doing so.
60. Speak only in rhyme to them.
61. Arrange for a dance team to hold practices at their house . . . at midnight.
62. Replace their electric bill with a poem . . . written sa pamamagitan ng Kreacher.
63. Allude to the existence of a passage to Hogwarts inside their home.
64. Arrange for all the kalye lights on privet Drive to mysteriously and simultaneously turn off very late at night for prolonged periods of time.
65. Replace an area of carpet in their tahanan with grass.
66. Get some Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, and figure all the ways you can make mischief with it.
67. Randomly matunog na halik one of them in the face and shout, "Fly on your head!"
68. Write a six page paper about how it stinks to be a Muggle. Read it to them.
69. Ask them if they've met a lovely woman sa pamamagitan ng the name of J.K. Rowling.
70. Ask them about the string theory.
71. Leave mountains of letters at their door, all addressed to Harry.
72. Should they ever be boiling with rage, break into ipakita tunes.
73. Ask them about motorcycles.
74. Buy them a large set of Magic Markers.
75. Display a mood of constant mirth in their presence.
76. Poke them for no apparent reason.
77. Release several Snitches in their house.
78. Steal all of their left socks.
79. Steal all of their right shoes.
78. Giggle.
79. Announce that you will give Dudley a birthday gift that "matches the prowess of his mind." Get him a coloring book, ages 3-6.
80. Hire the tsaa ware from Disney's Beauty and the Beast, and hold a tsaa party for them.
81. Convince them that they are secretly being filmed for "Wizarding Europe's Most Wanted."
82. Tell them they are wanted sa pamamagitan ng the fashion police.
83. Be a wizard in their presence.
2. Egg their house. Don't feel confined to chicken eggs.
3. amerikana their entire kusina with butter.
4. Get a cheap Muggle cell phone. Give it a very annoying ring tone, and set it to ring every oras on the hour. Make it invisible. Hide it in the air vent of their house.
5. Charm their garden hose to come to life and spray them down.
6. Charm their lawn to sprout large purple mushrooms. When stepped on, these mushrooms should squeak loudly.
7. Replace any bulaklak in their garden with the ever popular water squirting flowers.
8. Sneak some particularly eerie-looking gnomes into their garden. Partially hide them behind bushes and such, so that they appear to be spying on those nearby.
9. If there's any room left in the garden, plant them a particularly sensitive Mimbulus Mimbletonia.
10. Slip a doxy into their mailbox . . .
11. . . . And a gnome in their pantry . . .
12. . . . And Kreacher under one of their beds . . .
13. . . . And a boggart into the refrigerator. Tell Dudley it's a new dieting technique.
14. Offer them foot rubs.
15. Gather a large group of people together, and surround the Dursley's house. Have everyone press their faces against the windows. When Mr. Dursley charges out to confront the group, tell him that you are there to eavesdrop, and ask if its a good time.
16. Paint the Hogwarts crest on their front door.
17. Use a permanent sticking charm to attach a wizards cape and hat to their front door, beneath the painted crest.
18. On New Year's Eve, anonymously send them a box of well-disguised wizard crackers.
19. On Valentine's Day, send each Dursley about seventy-five valentines sa pamamagitan ng owl, signing them all from "their secret, magical admirer."
20. On St. Patrick's Day, gather some particularly jolly leprechauns and persuade them to do a jig merrily on the Dursley's front lawn for the entire day. Ring the front doorbell, and Disapparate.
21. On Bonfire Night/Independence Day, send them a box of Weasley's Wild apoy Whizbangs.
22. If petunia should ever inquire of you an idea for a Halloween costume, suggest a witch.
23. If Dudley should ever ask the same question, suggest a pig.
24. For Christmas, get all of your Hogwarts mga kaibigan together. ipakita up at the Dursley house, and sing pasko carols loudly, for as long as possible.
25. Replace any hard sweets that may be in the house, with the Weasley "effects" sweets.
26. Grind several Ton-Tongue toffees into a fine powder, and add it to any and all of the flour and sugar canisters.
27. Put a charm on Dudley that will make him crawl and walk on walls and ceilings, Spider-Man style.
28. Wake the whole family up at five in the morning to lead them in a peppy exercise routine. Include lots of Jumping Jacks.
29. Offer to read their tea-leaves.
30. Should they accept, tell them you see three figures, two fat, one thin, all very bad tempered. Go on to say that these people will never find happiness and are best avoided.
31. Infest their tahanan with Pygmy Puffs.
32. Tell them they don't exist.
33. Find the most "un-Dursleyish" person you know, and set them up on a blind petsa with Dudley.
34. Write "Aunt Marge" on a bunch of inflated balloons. Fill the Dursley's kusina with them.
35. Find a way to magically change the color of their outfits, making each outfit a different lurid color depending on the araw of the week (hot kulay-rosas for Monday, Neon Green for Tuesday . . .).
36. Switch Dudley's homework with Harry's.
37. Make all the doors in their house require passwords. Try to make these passwords either sickeningly cute, or magic-loving.
38. Shave off Uncle Vernon's mustache under the cover of darkness.
39. . . . Transfer this mustache onto Petunia.
40. Leave a bundle of fake wands from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes tied up with a ribbon on their coffee table.
41. Try this dialogue with Dudley: "Hey Dudley, guess what?" "What?" "Nothing." Repeat this several times daily.
42. Get a stuffed rabbit and balutin it in swaddling clothes like a baby. Pin a note saying that they must care for this precious child, and guard it with their lives. Add a post script saying that should the rabbit government find that they are mistreating it in anyway, they will be dealt with. Ring their doorbell, and Dissaparate. Works even better if a lightning bolt-scar is drawn above the rabbit's right eye.
43. Suggest to petunia a new nickname for her son: gatas Dudsley.
44. Offer them peppermint humbugs.
45. Sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves."
46. Should Dudley ever be on a diet, get some rich, tsokolate cupcakes, topped with cream and kendi sprinkles. Charm them so that they disappear when touched and reappear after a few minutes. Place them everywhere Dudley might see them.
47. Buy petunia and Vernon a book on child rearing, with emphasis on not spoiling children.
48. Go to their home, and ask if Harry can come out and play.
49. Enchant their telebisyon to play nothing but weight loss and anger management commercials.
50. Replace all beverages in their house with butterbeer.
51. Replace all cookbooks in their house with potions textbooks.
52. Try to convince them that the only way to avoid financial ruin is to ilipat all their funds to Gringotts.
53. Cast a spell on Dudley so that he will end every sentence with "potato."
54. Bake them a batch of perfectly ordinary, untampered cookies. After each have taken a bite, tell them that Harry and Sirius made them "special."
55. Using a paintbrush and stinksap, paint a mural on their kusina floor.
56. Play wizard "Ding Dong Ditch" with them. Go invisible, ring the doorbell, and stay there.
57. Invite them to hapunan at an Asian restaurant. Procure chopsticks that look exactly like wands.
58. Blurt out "Boring!" whenever they talk about anything relating to work, or various Muggle contraptions.
59. Rearrange their furniture and belongings several times a day. Deny doing so.
60. Speak only in rhyme to them.
61. Arrange for a dance team to hold practices at their house . . . at midnight.
62. Replace their electric bill with a poem . . . written sa pamamagitan ng Kreacher.
63. Allude to the existence of a passage to Hogwarts inside their home.
64. Arrange for all the kalye lights on privet Drive to mysteriously and simultaneously turn off very late at night for prolonged periods of time.
65. Replace an area of carpet in their tahanan with grass.
66. Get some Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, and figure all the ways you can make mischief with it.
67. Randomly matunog na halik one of them in the face and shout, "Fly on your head!"
68. Write a six page paper about how it stinks to be a Muggle. Read it to them.
69. Ask them if they've met a lovely woman sa pamamagitan ng the name of J.K. Rowling.
70. Ask them about the string theory.
71. Leave mountains of letters at their door, all addressed to Harry.
72. Should they ever be boiling with rage, break into ipakita tunes.
73. Ask them about motorcycles.
74. Buy them a large set of Magic Markers.
75. Display a mood of constant mirth in their presence.
76. Poke them for no apparent reason.
77. Release several Snitches in their house.
78. Steal all of their left socks.
79. Steal all of their right shoes.
78. Giggle.
79. Announce that you will give Dudley a birthday gift that "matches the prowess of his mind." Get him a coloring book, ages 3-6.
80. Hire the tsaa ware from Disney's Beauty and the Beast, and hold a tsaa party for them.
81. Convince them that they are secretly being filmed for "Wizarding Europe's Most Wanted."
82. Tell them they are wanted sa pamamagitan ng the fashion police.
83. Be a wizard in their presence.
I was asked to do this sa pamamagitan ng lorythefangirl after I responded to her earlier one.
Pros
1. Most of them did believe they were choosing the winning side at the time
2. They would likely be killed if they refused, or otherwise punished.
3. If they come from old pureblood families which share the Death Eaters' beliefs, joining up would help maintain family harmony
4. If they're naturally malicious it gives them an opportunity to kill and torture
Cons
1. Most people wouldn't want to be forced to murder. They might be pushed beyond their own limits, e.g. Draco Malfoy.
2. They'd get imprisoned in Azkaban if caught, or could be killed in self-defence
3. Leaving isn't an option once you're in
4. After they lost, those who'd survived would lose favour even if they avoided punishment
5. Voldemort doesn't seem to be a nice boss
6. It's a story really, and in most stories, the bad guys do end up losing and being punished.
Pros
1. Most of them did believe they were choosing the winning side at the time
2. They would likely be killed if they refused, or otherwise punished.
3. If they come from old pureblood families which share the Death Eaters' beliefs, joining up would help maintain family harmony
4. If they're naturally malicious it gives them an opportunity to kill and torture
Cons
1. Most people wouldn't want to be forced to murder. They might be pushed beyond their own limits, e.g. Draco Malfoy.
2. They'd get imprisoned in Azkaban if caught, or could be killed in self-defence
3. Leaving isn't an option once you're in
4. After they lost, those who'd survived would lose favour even if they avoided punishment
5. Voldemort doesn't seem to be a nice boss
6. It's a story really, and in most stories, the bad guys do end up losing and being punished.
