Ladies and ladies, chapter 14. A new Huli era is coming ;) Have faith! Thanks to @rrennie for the editing! My other official editor has gone missing XD I'll try to send her another mail :P
Hope this counts as wishful thinking...since I've not being in the mood for crazy posting this days.
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Previously on December/December:
“I think she deserves a chance at happiness…this is what I think. Whether she is or might be…it’s not up to me to judge…” he sinabi firmly.
Hugh immediately stood up on his feet with an unreadable expression on his face. That was it. He had had his answer.
Jess wasn’t expecting such a sudden reaction “Hugh that doesn’t mean…” he started, but then he had to stop midsentence because Hugh himself cut him off with a warning glance. Greg and James had just come back with Jess’s coffee.
“That’s all I need to know Jess…” he sinabi heading to his upuan to start collecting his things “We gotta go now. It’s time”.
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December/December - Chapter 14
10 March 2010
The sun was literally glaring today. It shined so bright against the cloudless, clear sky of LA that it was almost annoying the way it hurt Lisa’s eyes as she kept them stubbornly fixed on the asphalt ahead of her car, entering the studio’s parking lot. She was still fighting back the prickling impulse to have a quick look around to check who was already on set and who wasn’t, but so far she was the winner.
She parked turning the engine off, unfastened her seatbelt and leaned backwards against the back, taking her glasses off. She pulled the driver mirror down and began to study her face, passing both hands over it to lift the skin around her eyes: she looked tense, vaguely exhausted and there was a no glow whatsoever in her look today.
She inhaled deeply, wearing a serious and resolved expression and never taking her eyes off her image.
“Now you just chill yourself out…‘cause this is just another normal araw of shooting. You just go in there, do your job and act cool; and if he’s around you just pretend like it didn’t affect you and nothing happened…”
‘Cause nothing has happened indeed…
She stared at herself for another minute, holding her breath to gather herself together until she finally dropped her gaze down, brushing her fingers over her forehead.
“And why on earth you’re talking to yourself in the mirror now…” she muttered.
She eventually sighed, put her glasses back on, grabbed her pitaka and dragged herself out of the car.
Hugh stepped out of the door, pulling it close behind him. He hastily climbed down the stairs of the entrance path, zipping his dyaket up. He was dreadfully late today and he did need to hurry up if he wanted to be able to talk to Lisa before the shooting started.
He stuffed his hand inside his back jeans pocket, looking for his bike keys. He tossed his head backwards.
“Oh crap…”
He quickly retraced his steps running, until he finally pushed the door open, snuck one hand in to grab the keys lying on the entrance mesa and then rushed back as fast as he could to his bike, jumping on it in a flash, as he put his helmet on. He still had to figure out what to tell her exactly. Even presuming she actually gave a damn about it, and that he wouldn’t end up giving a completely unwanted explanation, he still had to find a reasonable excuse for why she hadn’t heard from him for five days in a row, while he took care of something he had promised himself he wouldn’t tell her about. Just phrasing the crazy, twisted paradox he had put himself into, made it sound even madami convoluted than just conceiving it was. He wondered why he always ended up fumbling with his words even inside his own head…
On his behalf, as far as he had secretly sworn he would work on holding himself back, he was dying to see her. There were no other words for it. He just simply couldn’t wait any longer. Five days have been torture already. He didn’t even want to think about summer. Not yet.
He lifted the kickstand up, started the engine and checked the review mirror.
And it was all the fault if those damn legal papers, full of all sort of clauses that had kept him awake for hours the other night until he had drifted off on the couch. If Fred would have just been here to explain how such issues were supposed to work when you…
He suddenly froze.
Damn it!! Fred…
His lawyer. He was to call him this morning. He clenched his teeth together, pulling off his helmet with irritation. He zipped the dyaket down and reached for his phone in the inside pocket.
He grunted, yelling exasperated “You gotta be kidding me!!!”
He dismounted to rush back to the house once again, wondering why he couldn’t at least be good enough at preventing the mere thought of her from making his head go off every single time.
As she walked towards the studios, Lisa held the copy of her script tightly rolled-up in one hand with her fingers tapping absentmindedly on it. There was no need to let her emotions take her over like this, as if Hugh had…let her down or something. They were friends. Good ones, but still…just friends. No madami than that. She kept repeating the words inside her head, as if she was trying to talk her reasonable side into letting that piece of information sink in and take root, once and for all.
He must have been busy, that was all. It happened. She had been busy too these days, hadn’t she? And anyway, she shouldn’t have been feeling anything remotely close to this sense of….she didn’t even want to find a word for that. Whatever it was, it made no sense feeling it, let alone for something so insignificant like just five days of absolute silence.
Truth was that it was just…it was just that the sensation was still too familiar to her.
It was a stupid association of ideas - she knew that - and yet there was still some not so tiny part of her apparently that couldn’t help feeling like he had abandoned her once again, conjuring a memory that still caused her puso to wring painfully, although it certainly belonged to the past. She straightened up, inhaling deeply, as if she was trying to get rid of the suffocating sensation already growing inside her.
She told herself to be reasonable, because even back then he hadn’t abandoned her. He just hadn’t. She was being thoroughly unfair with him. What was he supposed to have done? Called her while Jo was in LA for the Emmys? That would have been insane. She had suddenly showed up and he had to take care of it. Period. Of course he had to disappear for a few days. He couldn’t help that. But, all the same, the constant sense of suffocating helplessness and the overwhelming feeling of distress of those days…they were some of the worst memories of her life. She had just been waiting, for days, feeling suspended like in some sort of emotional limbo; and that sense of powerlessness simply didn’t belong to her – certainly not to the woman she wanted to be - which was why she had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t feel like that ever again in her life, Like she didn't even have a choice in this anymore. She didn’t blame him for that, but she just couldn’t just go there again. It felt humiliating to say the least. But this wasn’t the case, not anymore, so she now just had to calm down because she was being completely unreasonable. She nodded briefly in an attempt to convince herself once and for all that this association of ideas was truly foolish. They were not together anymore and he was not hers for sure, so her frustration was entirely unjustified in the present. It had not ground. It was crazy…
The only problem was this awful feeling of déjà-vu that kept stirring inside her no matter what.
“Bloodly hell…” Hugh snapped.
He just couldn’t find it. He had been digging among the clothes piled up on his couch, among the ones on his bed, under the towels in his bathroom and there was no sign of his damn phone. He brought both hands to his hair ruffling it with impatience. If he didn't get a ilipat on, he risked getting stuck at work all evening. God knows when he would have a chance to meet up with her again. It was a miracle already he had coped for so many days without talking to her and, above all, without even knowing whether things were good between them; one madami araw of uncertainty, after having waited so eagerly for today and he would go crazy, for sure.
He gave a confused look around wondering how the hell he had managed to mess up his house so much in such few days. He scratched the side of his head, trying to remember when the last time he had used his phone was, until he suddenly poked at his forehead, hastening to the kitchen. He spotted it on the counter and outstretching one arm he seized it, almost sliding off his feet. He hurtled through the living room and stumbled out the door, pushing it close for the umpteenth time and really hoping it would be for the last one too. On the way, he quickly dialled Fred’s number, glancing at his watch in the meanwhile: 7.45 already.
Damn it…
One ring…
To make things worse, today was Wednesday.
Two rings…
Truth to be told he had never craved a musical so much, but he wasn’t sure whether their little plan was still on. Maybe he’d better let her choose whether she really wanted to do this thing tonight or not. He climbed on his bike, waiting nervously for Fred to pick up.
Come on Fred, I don’t have time today…
Five rings…
He had to find a way to stick to his decision and let her have a chance at happiness, as Jess had told him, without sucking her down this messy whirl his life had turned into. He did want her to be part of it – he couldn’t even put his mind around the alternative - but the tanong wasn’t about him anymore, and judging sa pamamagitan ng her summer plans, it sounded pretty unlikely that she still felt for him even just one shred of what he felt about her and might want him in her life just as badly as he did.
Six rings…
Maybe all this let’s just be mga kaibigan thing wasn’t something she had never desired as much as he did. He had to let her have a choice.
“Hugh?”
“Fred! Bloody hell! Where were you? I was about to hang up…”
“Sorry man, I was…”
“Never mind” Hugh cut him off right away: he could just hear some invisible hands ticking inside his head.
“Have you found the guy? sa pamamagitan ng the way, thanks for the papers you faxed me…they really helped” he sinabi tauntingly.
“Hugh, I am still trying to get him…it’s not easy, you just called me on Monday and you want things ready-made in a few days?” he asked with a hint of perplexity.
Hugh frowned. Fred didn’t get it. He was a great guy, but nobody could. Except Robert, maybe.
“I just want to make sure we’re not wasting time on this. I wasted enough already”
Fred stood silent.
“I need to ilipat on” he trailed off with firmness. And this time, it was definitely the truth: he was really making it for himself. Possibly, for the first time ever he was just thinking about himself and noone else. This was what he needed.
“You sure you want to go ahead with this? I mean, after I talk to him, he would officially file for it…”
Yes, he was. Never been surer about anything else in his entire life. A fresh start. Even if he had to be alone on this, as scary as it sounded, this was what he wanted.
“Positive, Fred. You just take care of the details, alright? I need you to follow me on this: you’re still my trusted lawyer number one and I know I can trust your discretion”
He was in a bind, after all, ibingiay how famous he was. He had to be careful.
“Hugh, I am not worried about the legal course per se…I am just concerned…why don’t you try to talk to her yourself first instead?”
Hugh lifted the kickstand up.
“She won’t return my calls. What do you think I have been trying to do these days? I got in touch with everyone we know in England, but I am just wasting my breath. I have really made up my mind on this, Fred. Thank you anyway, I appreciate you concern”
He started the engine.“Fred, you just track down this ace divorce lawyer for me. You know that I need someone I can trust completely, just as much as I trust you and you’d better warn him: it won’t be a piece of cake. He’ll have to deal with a pain in the asno of a client...” he sinabi smirking.
He could only imagine all the mess he would go through with this, but he really didn’t care anymore.
“Yes…Hugh but…”
“I gotta go Fred. I’ll call you tomorrow”
He snapped the phone shut and put his helmet on, feeling free for the first time in months, as he had finally made a clean break of something. Now he just wanted to make sure she was going to be ok.
Lisa had almost reached the entrance hall, but she couldn’t stop her mind from spinning around all the possible reasons that might have pushed Hugh to suddenly change his attitude. She had had the impression things between them were back to normal. He had looked so much happier lately and far less miserable than he used to be. She had believed he was comfortable with the way things were, wasn’t he the one who had originally insisted that they go back to being friends? What had changed?
She passed sa pamamagitan ng the security box, mumbling a rather undetectable hi to Mike, still completely Nawawala in her thoughts when her puso missed for a second, before beginning to bomba like crazy and she suddenly was back to a few months nakaraan wondering whether the reason might be the same as the other time. What if Jo had suddenly shown up and been here with him and she didn’t know about it this time? It was unlikely he would tell her if she was.
“Good morning Miss Edelstein” Mike said, keeping his eyes intently focused on the sports column of his newspaper. But she barely heard him.
What if they had found a way to sort things out and this was the reason she hadn’t heard from him for so long or what if he had unexpectedly flown tahanan for three days after the concert? Like a few years ago, under the pressure of another unexpected family emergency. She hadn’t been on set these days after all, nor had she heard from Robert or anyone else in the meantime so she couldn’t really tell.
She bit her lower lip, already slowing down, while a little, inner voice totally unheard was asking her not to do it. But she eventually turned her head all the same.
“Ehm…Mike? Who’s on set already?” she asked tentatively holding her breath.
Why are you doing this…
Mike lifted his head up “They are all here Miss, I think…”
She nodded, feeling blood going back to flowing in her veins for a moment. If he was here, it meant… Meant nothing. He might have had plenty of time to make a round trip anyway. She took a deep breath, trying to slow her heart-beat that had abruptly raced insanely even more. She should have been happy for him. Working things out was good: it meant he truly might finally have a chance at happiness, as she was trying to have too, after all.
“…all but Mr Laurie actually” Mike added distractedly turning one page “…he’s not here yet”
Now why had her puso suddenly stopped?
She pressed her lips together, smiling unconvincingly “Oh…ok, thank you…ehm…have a nice day”.
She passed sa pamamagitan ng the first floor settings taking the hallway with her head slightly down, and her stomach still squirming. He wasn’t here already. So what? Big deal. He usually was one of the first ones on set, but it didn’t mean anything that he wasn’t yet and she was already giving it too much thought. It wasn’t carved in stone they had to hear from each other so often. Actually, they totally weren’t supposed to, just as she wasn’t suppose to care that much. She hadn’t heard from Jess since Friday, so? They had been busy. Both of them. Period.
She worked on her breathing and headed to the make up, clenching her teeth together: no madami than three weeks. Three weeks and she would be in London, away from all of this. Just three weeks. She needed to hold on for no madami than twenty-one days.
She knocked on the door, taking her glasses off.
“May I come in?”
Robert was inside already. He sat cross-legged waiting for Stephanie to finish on him. She was doing something to his hair.
“Hi” Lisa sinabi almost out of breath and keeping her gaze down as she walked to her seat.
Robert lifted his head up. “Good morning” he said. His eyes followed her in the mirror “I don’t…I don’t really know why they’re wasting so much time on a man’s hair….it’s ridiculous” he sinabi pointing to his hair with a little grin of embarrassment on his face. He didn’t really like this make up thing on males. He found it frivolous.
Lisa’s lips curled up in a tiny, sad smile. Sounded familiar…
Don’t...just keep your mind busy…
“You shouldn’t complain so much…” Stephanie pointed out teasingly applying a lotion on him“…it takes much madami time on Hugh’s hair…”
She lifted her gaze up looking at herself in the mirror and gave out an exhausted sigh. Of course. Someone must have heard her mind was planning to take a minuto off.
Robert peered sideways at her as she took some stuff out her purse, noticing she looked a little under the whether.
“You ok, Liz?” he asked scrutinizing her face.
“Yeah…” she sighed, sitting down on her chair. All she needed was a good make up session and then to just get it over with, shoot this scene and go home, start packing her things, call the dog-sitter, talk to John. Prep-time: this was what she needed.
“Do you still have much to do on him?” she asked turning to Stephanie and sounding even madami edgy than she wanted to.
“No I’m almost done sweetheart…” Stephanie answered smiling at her in the mirror.
She tucked her lower lip in, making her eyes wonder around the room with impatience. She need something to keep her mind busy with. Music. This was what she needed. She grabbed her purse, took her earphones out and started sliding through her i-phone tracks.
Robert was carefully studying her face in the meanwhile and it had been immediately crystal clear to him, since the moment she had stepped into the room that there was something seriously wrong about her this morning, but that she didn’t want to talk about it. That scowl on her face didn’t look very promising. He wondered whether she might have heard from Hugh and things might have went amiss between them. He himself had tried to call him in the last few days, but each time the voice mail started. He would have liked to apologize for his horrible outburst of the other araw – not that it had been unjustified but Hugh was always his friend after all. He brought his folded hands up to his chin, pensive: maybe he should have been a little less hard on him.
Stephanie gave Robert’s make up the finishing touches “Here you go mister, ready for the set…Now lets’ make you even madami gorgeous than you are already…” she sinabi turning towards Lisa, who automatically gave her a little, courteous smile that, nevertheless, didn’t touch the corner of her eyes. She didn’t feel very beautiful today.
“Just let me make a phone call first. My son is sick” Stephanie explained “I gotta make sure his father doesn’t mess up something with his meds, as usual…” she sinabi rolling eyes already “Be right back”.
Lisa put her earphones on then, determined to shut herself off for the susunod thirty minutes. She pressed play, abandoned her head backwards and closed her eyes, but before the song even started she heard Robert giving a little cough to get her attention. She breathed in deeply, pressing her lips in a hard line. She slowly opened her eyes and saw that Robert had turned his chair to her.
She removed one earphone to be able to hear him.
“What?” That hadn’t come out right. The hint of annoyance in her voice was too obvious.
Robert frowned lightly at her tone, getting so instantly defensive that he started rubbing the back of his neck, lowering his gaze a little. He hoped her current mood wasn’t a consequence of what he had told to Hugh.
“I was…I was juts wondering, have you…have you sa pamamagitan ng any chance heard from Hugh, these days?” he asked tentatively pinching his tone a little higher.
She dropped her mouth slightly open for a second, scoffing unnoticeably.
You gotta be kidding me…
Robert stared at her: he must have touched a sore point because that wasn’t the way Lisa’s face usually lit up when Hugh’s name came up in a conversation, rather quite the opposite she looked like she might rip his throat out at any minute. Maybe he was exaggerating but women made him nervous when they looked even slightly pissed. Gabriella could be devastating when she was and he highly doubted Lisa was an exception as lovely as she might look.
Lisa rubbed her lips against each other for a second, before answering.
“No. I haven’t” she finally sinabi sharply, but it felt like a little needle was pricking inside her chest anyway. She turned her head, staring at herself in the mirror, trying to keep her face from revealing anything about the way she felt about it.
Why was he asking, anyway? How come not even Robert knew where he had been? The little, inner, unheard voice was back once again pleading her not to do this. But she eventually did it once again.
“Why? Haven’t you heard from either? Is he ok?”
Now the voice had gotten quite unfriendly and was demanding why she couldn’t just live her own life and let it go.
Robert pulled a confused face. Hugh hadn’t called her in five days? He started wondering what kind parallel universe he had ended up in since the last time he had checked they used to gravitate around each other like a planet and its satellite.
Lisa pressed on, seeing that Robert looked like he had seen a ghost “Robert, do you hear me?” she asked looking for his gaze “Have you?” He was scaring the hell out of her now. And this was even madami ridiculous sa pamamagitan ng the way.
Robert came down to earth “No, no…I was hoping you might…”
“Hey guys!”
They both startled, almost jumping in their seats as Hugh peeped out of the door, waving at them. Lisa thought he sounded breathless as if he had been running through the set and was just hustling sa pamamagitan ng to say hi. He looked like he was ready to leave at any segundo with one hand on the door-jamb. The other one still held his helmet: apparently he hadn’t been to the wardrobe yet. He had his leather dyaket on and his hair was still a little ruffled on the top, whereas his eyes, as piercing as usual, were of a lighter, colder shade of blue today. Nevertheless, they were just as confusing. A notch came to her throat as she realized apprehensively how much she had missed the mere sight of him during these days and how many details about his figure she had already noticed in no madami than a bunch of seconds. This was no good.
Hugh’s eyes had immediately searched Lisa’s in the reflection of the mirror, but she had held his gaze for no madami than a few segundos before smiling at him tepidly and putting her earphones back on. She had this composed expression on her face, with her eyes slightly down and intently focused on her player, and she kept wetting her lips, alternately tucking her lips inside her mouth. It was just the same kind of expression she wore when she was revising her part and she cut herself off from everyone, looking absorbed, so elegant and so beautiful. God he had missed her immensely these days…
Robert was noticing with madami than just a little hint of concern now the quick exchange of glances between the two of them, or better lack there of. There was definitely something very peculiar in the air, but he couldn’t certainly bring it up just like that, so he simply played along for now.
“Good morning sa pamamagitan ng the way, I was just telling Lisa how I hadn’t heard from…”
“Sorry I didn’t pick up. I saw your calls…long story…” he cut him off quickly.
He was too restless to know whether things between him and Lisa were good to waste time with detailed explanations, which this was neither the time nor the place for, especially if Lisa was here. He took some steps forward, placing himself in between their seats and jumped on the counter top. He sat with his body slightly angled towards her and although he was talking to Robert, he didn’t take his eyes off her not even for just a second. She didn’t look like she was paying any attention to him, though.
“…I had been busy” Hugh just added peering sideways at her.
Lisa hadn’t even pressed play this time, but she was certainly questioning this choice already. She wondered which kind of unhealthy lack of self preservation was pushing her to do this to herself, since her stomach was winding again and since she knew perfectly well that the battle against her mind to prevent it from racing to the possible reasons why he had been busy would be Nawawala from the start anyway.
“For three days? Doing what?” Robert asked, puzzled. Well, since he was the one who had brought the subject up…
But, Hugh didn’t answer him and instead he kept watching Lisa madami intently and conspicuously, not even caring if she sensed his gaze upon her anymore. He just wanted to talk to her. As he tried to read her face, wondering why he couldn’t help looking at her like that even if he had sworn he wouldn’t force her into any of this, he found himself chuckling silently to himself. Once again, maybe this unexpected resolution came naturally to him only when he was desperate; it was just recently it felt like having become a habit to him. Or maybe it was just that the madami months passed by, the madami he felt this urge to pull her into his arms and never let her go growing restless inside him.
Robert continued darting his eyes back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out what was really going on, since this was hardly what was called a middle course between two people texting like lovebirds between takes and the take-it-slowly and do-things-right he was telling him about the other night. She was barely looking at him for God’s sake. He scratched the tuktok of his head: perhaps Hugh had told her something, like he didn’t feel like taking any conclusive step yet. God he hoped that wasn’t the case.
Hugh ultimately averted his gaze from her letting his eyes shift to Rob for a moment, which was a real blessing for Lisa. The way he was looking at her was too distracting and breathtaking: she couldn’t think straight when he did like that. However, she still felt paralyzed and couldn’t find anything better to do than keeping her eyes obstinately fixed on her i-phone, going back and forth through the tracks not even knowing what song she wouldn’t be listening to she was looking for. She must have been flushing up, she could tell: it felt like she was running a fever. Again, which part of not feeling like seventeen again was missing in this picture?
“I think David was looking for you, Rob…” Hugh suddenly sinabi gesturing eloquently with his eyes for him to get out of the way and leave them alone.
Robert was paralyzed, as he had seen a ghost for the segundo time today. Hugh asking explicitly/[i] for him to clear the ground to be alone with Lisa was like another of those signs standing for [i]the-world-had-turned-upside-down and-you-hadn’t-noticed-Sir. He really was Nawawala at this point. The world looked it had gone altogether crazy.
He frowned, slowly standing up with tentativeness.
“Yes, ok then…I…I’ll go and check if we are ready to start…” he cleared his throat “And I’ll go…I’ll go see… David, yes…about…about my part” he trailed off.
Hugh poked at him. He was an actor for heaven’s sake….a little bit madami convincing and less stammering maybe would have been better.
“I’ll see you on set…both of you” Robert added almost tripping over his own feet as he walked out of there.
Hugh shook his head lightly and went back looking at Lisa. She was peering sideways at him so he met her gaze for a segundo before she shied away instantly, going back to listening to her music. He took a deep breath. Now, either she was just as fine as she looked and the most likely outcome of the following conversation would be him looking like an idiot or, best scenario, she was slightly disappointed sa pamamagitan ng his behaviour and he could still gain some ground if he miraculously succeeded in not fumbling with his own words this time.
There was only a way to know anyway.
He froze for a split of second, surprised at himself. Some part of him must have truly taken this Braveheart policy quite seriously…
With a tender, wary movement he reached for one of her earphones, pulling it slowly away from her ear “May I talk to you for a second?” he asked smiling gently at her.
Lisa tensed in her upuan as soon as the back of his hand brushed her lobe. Why did he keep doing this to her?
She put the other earphone down, swallowing unnoticeably.
“Mmm…” she just answered, nodding briefly as she took courage to point her eyes at him. She didn’t even know whether the phlegm she felt descending upon her as soon as she met his gaze was real or she was just fooling herself in pretending to be able to look at him with authentic coldness.
Hugh slid down off the counter and crouched at her side. He crossed his arms up in front of him and rested his head on one side on them, looking at her.
“What have you done these days?” he asked simply gazing deep into her eyes.
She scoffed lightly unable to restrain herself. What an ice breaker.
She averted her gaze from him “Nothing special, I have been busy with…stuff” she trailed off dismissively. As much as she felt this insane, childish desire to hurt him right now, mentioning her holiday plans was definitely too much. She bit her lips and grabbed a magazine, starting to fold the borders of its pages, wondering whether she would never been able to be completely selfish when it came to him.
Hugh watched her movements. She definitely looked pissed at him. Well, just as pissed as Lisa would look, with that hint of sorrowfulness clouding her eyes and at the same time with such discretion that she would never come to you demanding any kind of explanation. She just wasn’t the type. Selfless to the point of self-denial in her own way. At times she truly looked like she was made for him, but then lots of things had maybe proved him wrong already and he was just too stubborn to let her go.
He took the plunge himself this time. He owed that to her, after all. Whatever poor ipakita he might end up putting up.
“I am sorry I didn’t call you these days…” he sinabi abruptly. It was pointless beating about the bush. Either she cared or not.
Funny, he felt quite calm for being so reckless, at the moment. It must have been this sense of freedom, coming from breaking the rules of his old self, going to his head.
Lisa flinched invisibly, caught off guard as she was sa pamamagitan ng his sudden straightforwardness. What the hell was happening to him lately? She almost missed the nice deflective English guy that made her nervous but not so much that she Nawawala the grip on herself. Almost…
“I wasn’t expecting you to…” she lied unconvincingly.
Hugh pressed on. He had no intention to leave things like this. He just had to be convincing on the susunod part.
“You know…the konsiyerto went pretty well” he started always staring at her with kindness. He wished he could have just hugged her “…then I worked some crazy hours these days…they were right about this episode being some hard graft for me, you know…” no reaction on Lisa’s behalf so far “…then I also received a couple of proposals…I mean professional ones…” He looked for her gaze, hoping this might rouse her interest for a moment. None of this was invented of course, but none had happened these days either.
She finally gave in and looked back at him “What kind?”
A tiny little smile started reaching up to his eyes “Well…first I heard from Stephen. We were thinking about making a special together. This year, something like a reunion of some sort…you know one of those nostalgic, pathetic thing noone wants to hear about but that then everybody ends up watching to tear it down as soon as they turn the TV off…” he sinabi in one breath mockingly, hoping that would bring a smile to her face. Miraculously Lisa’s lips curled up for real.
She continued to be astounded at his lack of self confidence in his talent “Don’t be ridiculous…” she teased him “…you know people pag-ibig the two of you. You were a celeb even before this show…” she sinabi smiling at him, finally relaxing in her seat. It felt so good talking to him again.
He smiled crookedly “Well, someone didn’t even know I existed actually…”
She giggled, blushing lightly, wondering why she couldn’t just be mad at him for madami than just a few hours. He just had this irresistible way of tiptoeing gently around her that she couldn’t resist.
“…and then…” Hugh kept on “…a record company came to me and asked me whether I want to do a blues album with them….” he sinabi dismissively “…but you know…” he added tilting his head from one side to another “…I am not really sure about this one…I would probably need like ten years to be ready for that…”
As she processed it all, she stared into his eyes as if she was expecting to read through them what she needed to know deep down inside. So Jo had nothing to do with it? Had he really just been busy with walang tiyak na layunin stuff? Once again, it shouldn’t have made any difference if they were just friends, but the words where out before she could take them back
“Is this the truth? Why you haven’t been calling?” she asked cautiously holding her breath, immediately realizing how this tanong totally contradicted her original statement. She would have gladly buried herself somewhere away from him right now.
Hugh didn’t even pay attention to that little scowl of embarrassment on her face. He was just so sorry about having let her down so much, but he truly had needed these days for himself, to think things through and understand how this whole divorce issue worked with the kids and the international laws and how long it would take. He just didn’t want her to get involved.
“Do you trust me?” he finally asked with gentle firmness. Maybe it wasn’t fair talking about trust, since he was somehow lying to her, but he couldn’t find another way to reassure her he wasn’t keep playing games with her. He never had.
And once again, Lisa answered without even thinking “You know I do”
He couldn’t help himself. Maybe even just the loving way Lisa had sinabi those words, although he had probably imagined it, had been enough to push him to the edge.
“You know, I missed talking to you these days…” he sinabi with simplicity.
Lisa’s mouth dropped slightly open “I missed talking to you too…”
A huge smile was already lighting up his face when Stephanie came back interrupting them.
“Sorry it took me so long sweetie…” she sinabi getting herself busy with the make up stuff already “my husband will drive me crazy one day….I don’t really get what’s difficult about pagbaba a med prescriptions and going to the pharmacist…” She shook her head “…why on earth he always ends up going back tahanan with different meds than the ones on the paper, I won’t ever understand…” she trailed off reaching for the drier.
Hugh looked at Lisa with some regret. He wished they would have madami time. He still didn’t know what to do about tonight, but it was really getting later and later, and he still had to rush to the wardrobe and then came back here to have his hair set.
He smiled at her starting to walk backwards “Well, I’ll see you on set…”
Lisa pressed he lips together in a tight line.
“Hugh?” she sinabi looking at him in the mirror.
“Yes?” he answered holding his breath as his eyes slipped on Stephanie who was starting to arrange Lisa’s hair in some sort of ponytail, revealing the pale, soft skin of the back of her neck.
Her eyes followed his gaze. They were mga kaibigan but letting other people know their mutual plans wasn’t a wise ilipat since he was like an off-limits kind of friend. Her puso wrinkled one madami time. Off-limits. That was what he was. She’d better remember that maybe…But Hugh was waiting for her to say something with such mesmerizing eyes that she thought it through for less than another segundo before deciding to send everything to hell.
She lowered her gaze and slowly started turning the pages of the magazine she still held in her hands, answering him with nonchalance.
“Don’t you dare thinking you’ve gotten yourself out of what you’ve promised me…” she sinabi stifling a chuckle but beaming widely with her eyes.
A brilliant smile erupted on his face but this time he bit his lower lip to hold himself back. He had promised himself.
“I would never…”
“You haven’t forgotten right?” she asked teasingly and half-menacing, lifting her gaze up to look at him over her eyelashes.
Someone would have to have brainwashed him to make him forget that he had a chance to spend an evening alone with Lisa tonight, especially now that she was looking at him with those eyes. If she kept doing that it would be very hard on him tonight to get rid of the impulse of hugging her or…even worse. But, once again, he surprisingly didn’t care. He just wanted to be with her…feel her closer.
He put one hand on the doorjamb, forcing himself to get ready to leave. He softened his eyes, and told her simply “I always remember everything…”And then, he was gone.
Lisa stared at her face in the mirror, studying it. Her eyes were glittering now and a faint blush was colouring her cheeks.
The glow was back.
Hope this counts as wishful thinking...since I've not being in the mood for crazy posting this days.
.................................................
Previously on December/December:
“I think she deserves a chance at happiness…this is what I think. Whether she is or might be…it’s not up to me to judge…” he sinabi firmly.
Hugh immediately stood up on his feet with an unreadable expression on his face. That was it. He had had his answer.
Jess wasn’t expecting such a sudden reaction “Hugh that doesn’t mean…” he started, but then he had to stop midsentence because Hugh himself cut him off with a warning glance. Greg and James had just come back with Jess’s coffee.
“That’s all I need to know Jess…” he sinabi heading to his upuan to start collecting his things “We gotta go now. It’s time”.
..................................................
December/December - Chapter 14
10 March 2010
The sun was literally glaring today. It shined so bright against the cloudless, clear sky of LA that it was almost annoying the way it hurt Lisa’s eyes as she kept them stubbornly fixed on the asphalt ahead of her car, entering the studio’s parking lot. She was still fighting back the prickling impulse to have a quick look around to check who was already on set and who wasn’t, but so far she was the winner.
She parked turning the engine off, unfastened her seatbelt and leaned backwards against the back, taking her glasses off. She pulled the driver mirror down and began to study her face, passing both hands over it to lift the skin around her eyes: she looked tense, vaguely exhausted and there was a no glow whatsoever in her look today.
She inhaled deeply, wearing a serious and resolved expression and never taking her eyes off her image.
“Now you just chill yourself out…‘cause this is just another normal araw of shooting. You just go in there, do your job and act cool; and if he’s around you just pretend like it didn’t affect you and nothing happened…”
‘Cause nothing has happened indeed…
She stared at herself for another minute, holding her breath to gather herself together until she finally dropped her gaze down, brushing her fingers over her forehead.
“And why on earth you’re talking to yourself in the mirror now…” she muttered.
She eventually sighed, put her glasses back on, grabbed her pitaka and dragged herself out of the car.
Hugh stepped out of the door, pulling it close behind him. He hastily climbed down the stairs of the entrance path, zipping his dyaket up. He was dreadfully late today and he did need to hurry up if he wanted to be able to talk to Lisa before the shooting started.
He stuffed his hand inside his back jeans pocket, looking for his bike keys. He tossed his head backwards.
“Oh crap…”
He quickly retraced his steps running, until he finally pushed the door open, snuck one hand in to grab the keys lying on the entrance mesa and then rushed back as fast as he could to his bike, jumping on it in a flash, as he put his helmet on. He still had to figure out what to tell her exactly. Even presuming she actually gave a damn about it, and that he wouldn’t end up giving a completely unwanted explanation, he still had to find a reasonable excuse for why she hadn’t heard from him for five days in a row, while he took care of something he had promised himself he wouldn’t tell her about. Just phrasing the crazy, twisted paradox he had put himself into, made it sound even madami convoluted than just conceiving it was. He wondered why he always ended up fumbling with his words even inside his own head…
On his behalf, as far as he had secretly sworn he would work on holding himself back, he was dying to see her. There were no other words for it. He just simply couldn’t wait any longer. Five days have been torture already. He didn’t even want to think about summer. Not yet.
He lifted the kickstand up, started the engine and checked the review mirror.
And it was all the fault if those damn legal papers, full of all sort of clauses that had kept him awake for hours the other night until he had drifted off on the couch. If Fred would have just been here to explain how such issues were supposed to work when you…
He suddenly froze.
Damn it!! Fred…
His lawyer. He was to call him this morning. He clenched his teeth together, pulling off his helmet with irritation. He zipped the dyaket down and reached for his phone in the inside pocket.
He grunted, yelling exasperated “You gotta be kidding me!!!”
He dismounted to rush back to the house once again, wondering why he couldn’t at least be good enough at preventing the mere thought of her from making his head go off every single time.
As she walked towards the studios, Lisa held the copy of her script tightly rolled-up in one hand with her fingers tapping absentmindedly on it. There was no need to let her emotions take her over like this, as if Hugh had…let her down or something. They were friends. Good ones, but still…just friends. No madami than that. She kept repeating the words inside her head, as if she was trying to talk her reasonable side into letting that piece of information sink in and take root, once and for all.
He must have been busy, that was all. It happened. She had been busy too these days, hadn’t she? And anyway, she shouldn’t have been feeling anything remotely close to this sense of….she didn’t even want to find a word for that. Whatever it was, it made no sense feeling it, let alone for something so insignificant like just five days of absolute silence.
Truth was that it was just…it was just that the sensation was still too familiar to her.
It was a stupid association of ideas - she knew that - and yet there was still some not so tiny part of her apparently that couldn’t help feeling like he had abandoned her once again, conjuring a memory that still caused her puso to wring painfully, although it certainly belonged to the past. She straightened up, inhaling deeply, as if she was trying to get rid of the suffocating sensation already growing inside her.
She told herself to be reasonable, because even back then he hadn’t abandoned her. He just hadn’t. She was being thoroughly unfair with him. What was he supposed to have done? Called her while Jo was in LA for the Emmys? That would have been insane. She had suddenly showed up and he had to take care of it. Period. Of course he had to disappear for a few days. He couldn’t help that. But, all the same, the constant sense of suffocating helplessness and the overwhelming feeling of distress of those days…they were some of the worst memories of her life. She had just been waiting, for days, feeling suspended like in some sort of emotional limbo; and that sense of powerlessness simply didn’t belong to her – certainly not to the woman she wanted to be - which was why she had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t feel like that ever again in her life, Like she didn't even have a choice in this anymore. She didn’t blame him for that, but she just couldn’t just go there again. It felt humiliating to say the least. But this wasn’t the case, not anymore, so she now just had to calm down because she was being completely unreasonable. She nodded briefly in an attempt to convince herself once and for all that this association of ideas was truly foolish. They were not together anymore and he was not hers for sure, so her frustration was entirely unjustified in the present. It had not ground. It was crazy…
The only problem was this awful feeling of déjà-vu that kept stirring inside her no matter what.
“Bloodly hell…” Hugh snapped.
He just couldn’t find it. He had been digging among the clothes piled up on his couch, among the ones on his bed, under the towels in his bathroom and there was no sign of his damn phone. He brought both hands to his hair ruffling it with impatience. If he didn't get a ilipat on, he risked getting stuck at work all evening. God knows when he would have a chance to meet up with her again. It was a miracle already he had coped for so many days without talking to her and, above all, without even knowing whether things were good between them; one madami araw of uncertainty, after having waited so eagerly for today and he would go crazy, for sure.
He gave a confused look around wondering how the hell he had managed to mess up his house so much in such few days. He scratched the side of his head, trying to remember when the last time he had used his phone was, until he suddenly poked at his forehead, hastening to the kitchen. He spotted it on the counter and outstretching one arm he seized it, almost sliding off his feet. He hurtled through the living room and stumbled out the door, pushing it close for the umpteenth time and really hoping it would be for the last one too. On the way, he quickly dialled Fred’s number, glancing at his watch in the meanwhile: 7.45 already.
Damn it…
One ring…
To make things worse, today was Wednesday.
Two rings…
Truth to be told he had never craved a musical so much, but he wasn’t sure whether their little plan was still on. Maybe he’d better let her choose whether she really wanted to do this thing tonight or not. He climbed on his bike, waiting nervously for Fred to pick up.
Come on Fred, I don’t have time today…
Five rings…
He had to find a way to stick to his decision and let her have a chance at happiness, as Jess had told him, without sucking her down this messy whirl his life had turned into. He did want her to be part of it – he couldn’t even put his mind around the alternative - but the tanong wasn’t about him anymore, and judging sa pamamagitan ng her summer plans, it sounded pretty unlikely that she still felt for him even just one shred of what he felt about her and might want him in her life just as badly as he did.
Six rings…
Maybe all this let’s just be mga kaibigan thing wasn’t something she had never desired as much as he did. He had to let her have a choice.
“Hugh?”
“Fred! Bloody hell! Where were you? I was about to hang up…”
“Sorry man, I was…”
“Never mind” Hugh cut him off right away: he could just hear some invisible hands ticking inside his head.
“Have you found the guy? sa pamamagitan ng the way, thanks for the papers you faxed me…they really helped” he sinabi tauntingly.
“Hugh, I am still trying to get him…it’s not easy, you just called me on Monday and you want things ready-made in a few days?” he asked with a hint of perplexity.
Hugh frowned. Fred didn’t get it. He was a great guy, but nobody could. Except Robert, maybe.
“I just want to make sure we’re not wasting time on this. I wasted enough already”
Fred stood silent.
“I need to ilipat on” he trailed off with firmness. And this time, it was definitely the truth: he was really making it for himself. Possibly, for the first time ever he was just thinking about himself and noone else. This was what he needed.
“You sure you want to go ahead with this? I mean, after I talk to him, he would officially file for it…”
Yes, he was. Never been surer about anything else in his entire life. A fresh start. Even if he had to be alone on this, as scary as it sounded, this was what he wanted.
“Positive, Fred. You just take care of the details, alright? I need you to follow me on this: you’re still my trusted lawyer number one and I know I can trust your discretion”
He was in a bind, after all, ibingiay how famous he was. He had to be careful.
“Hugh, I am not worried about the legal course per se…I am just concerned…why don’t you try to talk to her yourself first instead?”
Hugh lifted the kickstand up.
“She won’t return my calls. What do you think I have been trying to do these days? I got in touch with everyone we know in England, but I am just wasting my breath. I have really made up my mind on this, Fred. Thank you anyway, I appreciate you concern”
He started the engine.“Fred, you just track down this ace divorce lawyer for me. You know that I need someone I can trust completely, just as much as I trust you and you’d better warn him: it won’t be a piece of cake. He’ll have to deal with a pain in the asno of a client...” he sinabi smirking.
He could only imagine all the mess he would go through with this, but he really didn’t care anymore.
“Yes…Hugh but…”
“I gotta go Fred. I’ll call you tomorrow”
He snapped the phone shut and put his helmet on, feeling free for the first time in months, as he had finally made a clean break of something. Now he just wanted to make sure she was going to be ok.
Lisa had almost reached the entrance hall, but she couldn’t stop her mind from spinning around all the possible reasons that might have pushed Hugh to suddenly change his attitude. She had had the impression things between them were back to normal. He had looked so much happier lately and far less miserable than he used to be. She had believed he was comfortable with the way things were, wasn’t he the one who had originally insisted that they go back to being friends? What had changed?
She passed sa pamamagitan ng the security box, mumbling a rather undetectable hi to Mike, still completely Nawawala in her thoughts when her puso missed for a second, before beginning to bomba like crazy and she suddenly was back to a few months nakaraan wondering whether the reason might be the same as the other time. What if Jo had suddenly shown up and been here with him and she didn’t know about it this time? It was unlikely he would tell her if she was.
“Good morning Miss Edelstein” Mike said, keeping his eyes intently focused on the sports column of his newspaper. But she barely heard him.
What if they had found a way to sort things out and this was the reason she hadn’t heard from him for so long or what if he had unexpectedly flown tahanan for three days after the concert? Like a few years ago, under the pressure of another unexpected family emergency. She hadn’t been on set these days after all, nor had she heard from Robert or anyone else in the meantime so she couldn’t really tell.
She bit her lower lip, already slowing down, while a little, inner voice totally unheard was asking her not to do it. But she eventually turned her head all the same.
“Ehm…Mike? Who’s on set already?” she asked tentatively holding her breath.
Why are you doing this…
Mike lifted his head up “They are all here Miss, I think…”
She nodded, feeling blood going back to flowing in her veins for a moment. If he was here, it meant… Meant nothing. He might have had plenty of time to make a round trip anyway. She took a deep breath, trying to slow her heart-beat that had abruptly raced insanely even more. She should have been happy for him. Working things out was good: it meant he truly might finally have a chance at happiness, as she was trying to have too, after all.
“…all but Mr Laurie actually” Mike added distractedly turning one page “…he’s not here yet”
Now why had her puso suddenly stopped?
She pressed her lips together, smiling unconvincingly “Oh…ok, thank you…ehm…have a nice day”.
She passed sa pamamagitan ng the first floor settings taking the hallway with her head slightly down, and her stomach still squirming. He wasn’t here already. So what? Big deal. He usually was one of the first ones on set, but it didn’t mean anything that he wasn’t yet and she was already giving it too much thought. It wasn’t carved in stone they had to hear from each other so often. Actually, they totally weren’t supposed to, just as she wasn’t suppose to care that much. She hadn’t heard from Jess since Friday, so? They had been busy. Both of them. Period.
She worked on her breathing and headed to the make up, clenching her teeth together: no madami than three weeks. Three weeks and she would be in London, away from all of this. Just three weeks. She needed to hold on for no madami than twenty-one days.
She knocked on the door, taking her glasses off.
“May I come in?”
Robert was inside already. He sat cross-legged waiting for Stephanie to finish on him. She was doing something to his hair.
“Hi” Lisa sinabi almost out of breath and keeping her gaze down as she walked to her seat.
Robert lifted his head up. “Good morning” he said. His eyes followed her in the mirror “I don’t…I don’t really know why they’re wasting so much time on a man’s hair….it’s ridiculous” he sinabi pointing to his hair with a little grin of embarrassment on his face. He didn’t really like this make up thing on males. He found it frivolous.
Lisa’s lips curled up in a tiny, sad smile. Sounded familiar…
Don’t...just keep your mind busy…
“You shouldn’t complain so much…” Stephanie pointed out teasingly applying a lotion on him“…it takes much madami time on Hugh’s hair…”
She lifted her gaze up looking at herself in the mirror and gave out an exhausted sigh. Of course. Someone must have heard her mind was planning to take a minuto off.
Robert peered sideways at her as she took some stuff out her purse, noticing she looked a little under the whether.
“You ok, Liz?” he asked scrutinizing her face.
“Yeah…” she sighed, sitting down on her chair. All she needed was a good make up session and then to just get it over with, shoot this scene and go home, start packing her things, call the dog-sitter, talk to John. Prep-time: this was what she needed.
“Do you still have much to do on him?” she asked turning to Stephanie and sounding even madami edgy than she wanted to.
“No I’m almost done sweetheart…” Stephanie answered smiling at her in the mirror.
She tucked her lower lip in, making her eyes wonder around the room with impatience. She need something to keep her mind busy with. Music. This was what she needed. She grabbed her purse, took her earphones out and started sliding through her i-phone tracks.
Robert was carefully studying her face in the meanwhile and it had been immediately crystal clear to him, since the moment she had stepped into the room that there was something seriously wrong about her this morning, but that she didn’t want to talk about it. That scowl on her face didn’t look very promising. He wondered whether she might have heard from Hugh and things might have went amiss between them. He himself had tried to call him in the last few days, but each time the voice mail started. He would have liked to apologize for his horrible outburst of the other araw – not that it had been unjustified but Hugh was always his friend after all. He brought his folded hands up to his chin, pensive: maybe he should have been a little less hard on him.
Stephanie gave Robert’s make up the finishing touches “Here you go mister, ready for the set…Now lets’ make you even madami gorgeous than you are already…” she sinabi turning towards Lisa, who automatically gave her a little, courteous smile that, nevertheless, didn’t touch the corner of her eyes. She didn’t feel very beautiful today.
“Just let me make a phone call first. My son is sick” Stephanie explained “I gotta make sure his father doesn’t mess up something with his meds, as usual…” she sinabi rolling eyes already “Be right back”.
Lisa put her earphones on then, determined to shut herself off for the susunod thirty minutes. She pressed play, abandoned her head backwards and closed her eyes, but before the song even started she heard Robert giving a little cough to get her attention. She breathed in deeply, pressing her lips in a hard line. She slowly opened her eyes and saw that Robert had turned his chair to her.
She removed one earphone to be able to hear him.
“What?” That hadn’t come out right. The hint of annoyance in her voice was too obvious.
Robert frowned lightly at her tone, getting so instantly defensive that he started rubbing the back of his neck, lowering his gaze a little. He hoped her current mood wasn’t a consequence of what he had told to Hugh.
“I was…I was juts wondering, have you…have you sa pamamagitan ng any chance heard from Hugh, these days?” he asked tentatively pinching his tone a little higher.
She dropped her mouth slightly open for a second, scoffing unnoticeably.
You gotta be kidding me…
Robert stared at her: he must have touched a sore point because that wasn’t the way Lisa’s face usually lit up when Hugh’s name came up in a conversation, rather quite the opposite she looked like she might rip his throat out at any minute. Maybe he was exaggerating but women made him nervous when they looked even slightly pissed. Gabriella could be devastating when she was and he highly doubted Lisa was an exception as lovely as she might look.
Lisa rubbed her lips against each other for a second, before answering.
“No. I haven’t” she finally sinabi sharply, but it felt like a little needle was pricking inside her chest anyway. She turned her head, staring at herself in the mirror, trying to keep her face from revealing anything about the way she felt about it.
Why was he asking, anyway? How come not even Robert knew where he had been? The little, inner, unheard voice was back once again pleading her not to do this. But she eventually did it once again.
“Why? Haven’t you heard from either? Is he ok?”
Now the voice had gotten quite unfriendly and was demanding why she couldn’t just live her own life and let it go.
Robert pulled a confused face. Hugh hadn’t called her in five days? He started wondering what kind parallel universe he had ended up in since the last time he had checked they used to gravitate around each other like a planet and its satellite.
Lisa pressed on, seeing that Robert looked like he had seen a ghost “Robert, do you hear me?” she asked looking for his gaze “Have you?” He was scaring the hell out of her now. And this was even madami ridiculous sa pamamagitan ng the way.
Robert came down to earth “No, no…I was hoping you might…”
“Hey guys!”
They both startled, almost jumping in their seats as Hugh peeped out of the door, waving at them. Lisa thought he sounded breathless as if he had been running through the set and was just hustling sa pamamagitan ng to say hi. He looked like he was ready to leave at any segundo with one hand on the door-jamb. The other one still held his helmet: apparently he hadn’t been to the wardrobe yet. He had his leather dyaket on and his hair was still a little ruffled on the top, whereas his eyes, as piercing as usual, were of a lighter, colder shade of blue today. Nevertheless, they were just as confusing. A notch came to her throat as she realized apprehensively how much she had missed the mere sight of him during these days and how many details about his figure she had already noticed in no madami than a bunch of seconds. This was no good.
Hugh’s eyes had immediately searched Lisa’s in the reflection of the mirror, but she had held his gaze for no madami than a few segundos before smiling at him tepidly and putting her earphones back on. She had this composed expression on her face, with her eyes slightly down and intently focused on her player, and she kept wetting her lips, alternately tucking her lips inside her mouth. It was just the same kind of expression she wore when she was revising her part and she cut herself off from everyone, looking absorbed, so elegant and so beautiful. God he had missed her immensely these days…
Robert was noticing with madami than just a little hint of concern now the quick exchange of glances between the two of them, or better lack there of. There was definitely something very peculiar in the air, but he couldn’t certainly bring it up just like that, so he simply played along for now.
“Good morning sa pamamagitan ng the way, I was just telling Lisa how I hadn’t heard from…”
“Sorry I didn’t pick up. I saw your calls…long story…” he cut him off quickly.
He was too restless to know whether things between him and Lisa were good to waste time with detailed explanations, which this was neither the time nor the place for, especially if Lisa was here. He took some steps forward, placing himself in between their seats and jumped on the counter top. He sat with his body slightly angled towards her and although he was talking to Robert, he didn’t take his eyes off her not even for just a second. She didn’t look like she was paying any attention to him, though.
“…I had been busy” Hugh just added peering sideways at her.
Lisa hadn’t even pressed play this time, but she was certainly questioning this choice already. She wondered which kind of unhealthy lack of self preservation was pushing her to do this to herself, since her stomach was winding again and since she knew perfectly well that the battle against her mind to prevent it from racing to the possible reasons why he had been busy would be Nawawala from the start anyway.
“For three days? Doing what?” Robert asked, puzzled. Well, since he was the one who had brought the subject up…
But, Hugh didn’t answer him and instead he kept watching Lisa madami intently and conspicuously, not even caring if she sensed his gaze upon her anymore. He just wanted to talk to her. As he tried to read her face, wondering why he couldn’t help looking at her like that even if he had sworn he wouldn’t force her into any of this, he found himself chuckling silently to himself. Once again, maybe this unexpected resolution came naturally to him only when he was desperate; it was just recently it felt like having become a habit to him. Or maybe it was just that the madami months passed by, the madami he felt this urge to pull her into his arms and never let her go growing restless inside him.
Robert continued darting his eyes back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out what was really going on, since this was hardly what was called a middle course between two people texting like lovebirds between takes and the take-it-slowly and do-things-right he was telling him about the other night. She was barely looking at him for God’s sake. He scratched the tuktok of his head: perhaps Hugh had told her something, like he didn’t feel like taking any conclusive step yet. God he hoped that wasn’t the case.
Hugh ultimately averted his gaze from her letting his eyes shift to Rob for a moment, which was a real blessing for Lisa. The way he was looking at her was too distracting and breathtaking: she couldn’t think straight when he did like that. However, she still felt paralyzed and couldn’t find anything better to do than keeping her eyes obstinately fixed on her i-phone, going back and forth through the tracks not even knowing what song she wouldn’t be listening to she was looking for. She must have been flushing up, she could tell: it felt like she was running a fever. Again, which part of not feeling like seventeen again was missing in this picture?
“I think David was looking for you, Rob…” Hugh suddenly sinabi gesturing eloquently with his eyes for him to get out of the way and leave them alone.
Robert was paralyzed, as he had seen a ghost for the segundo time today. Hugh asking explicitly/[i] for him to clear the ground to be alone with Lisa was like another of those signs standing for [i]the-world-had-turned-upside-down and-you-hadn’t-noticed-Sir. He really was Nawawala at this point. The world looked it had gone altogether crazy.
He frowned, slowly standing up with tentativeness.
“Yes, ok then…I…I’ll go and check if we are ready to start…” he cleared his throat “And I’ll go…I’ll go see… David, yes…about…about my part” he trailed off.
Hugh poked at him. He was an actor for heaven’s sake….a little bit madami convincing and less stammering maybe would have been better.
“I’ll see you on set…both of you” Robert added almost tripping over his own feet as he walked out of there.
Hugh shook his head lightly and went back looking at Lisa. She was peering sideways at him so he met her gaze for a segundo before she shied away instantly, going back to listening to her music. He took a deep breath. Now, either she was just as fine as she looked and the most likely outcome of the following conversation would be him looking like an idiot or, best scenario, she was slightly disappointed sa pamamagitan ng his behaviour and he could still gain some ground if he miraculously succeeded in not fumbling with his own words this time.
There was only a way to know anyway.
He froze for a split of second, surprised at himself. Some part of him must have truly taken this Braveheart policy quite seriously…
With a tender, wary movement he reached for one of her earphones, pulling it slowly away from her ear “May I talk to you for a second?” he asked smiling gently at her.
Lisa tensed in her upuan as soon as the back of his hand brushed her lobe. Why did he keep doing this to her?
She put the other earphone down, swallowing unnoticeably.
“Mmm…” she just answered, nodding briefly as she took courage to point her eyes at him. She didn’t even know whether the phlegm she felt descending upon her as soon as she met his gaze was real or she was just fooling herself in pretending to be able to look at him with authentic coldness.
Hugh slid down off the counter and crouched at her side. He crossed his arms up in front of him and rested his head on one side on them, looking at her.
“What have you done these days?” he asked simply gazing deep into her eyes.
She scoffed lightly unable to restrain herself. What an ice breaker.
She averted her gaze from him “Nothing special, I have been busy with…stuff” she trailed off dismissively. As much as she felt this insane, childish desire to hurt him right now, mentioning her holiday plans was definitely too much. She bit her lips and grabbed a magazine, starting to fold the borders of its pages, wondering whether she would never been able to be completely selfish when it came to him.
Hugh watched her movements. She definitely looked pissed at him. Well, just as pissed as Lisa would look, with that hint of sorrowfulness clouding her eyes and at the same time with such discretion that she would never come to you demanding any kind of explanation. She just wasn’t the type. Selfless to the point of self-denial in her own way. At times she truly looked like she was made for him, but then lots of things had maybe proved him wrong already and he was just too stubborn to let her go.
He took the plunge himself this time. He owed that to her, after all. Whatever poor ipakita he might end up putting up.
“I am sorry I didn’t call you these days…” he sinabi abruptly. It was pointless beating about the bush. Either she cared or not.
Funny, he felt quite calm for being so reckless, at the moment. It must have been this sense of freedom, coming from breaking the rules of his old self, going to his head.
Lisa flinched invisibly, caught off guard as she was sa pamamagitan ng his sudden straightforwardness. What the hell was happening to him lately? She almost missed the nice deflective English guy that made her nervous but not so much that she Nawawala the grip on herself. Almost…
“I wasn’t expecting you to…” she lied unconvincingly.
Hugh pressed on. He had no intention to leave things like this. He just had to be convincing on the susunod part.
“You know…the konsiyerto went pretty well” he started always staring at her with kindness. He wished he could have just hugged her “…then I worked some crazy hours these days…they were right about this episode being some hard graft for me, you know…” no reaction on Lisa’s behalf so far “…then I also received a couple of proposals…I mean professional ones…” He looked for her gaze, hoping this might rouse her interest for a moment. None of this was invented of course, but none had happened these days either.
She finally gave in and looked back at him “What kind?”
A tiny little smile started reaching up to his eyes “Well…first I heard from Stephen. We were thinking about making a special together. This year, something like a reunion of some sort…you know one of those nostalgic, pathetic thing noone wants to hear about but that then everybody ends up watching to tear it down as soon as they turn the TV off…” he sinabi in one breath mockingly, hoping that would bring a smile to her face. Miraculously Lisa’s lips curled up for real.
She continued to be astounded at his lack of self confidence in his talent “Don’t be ridiculous…” she teased him “…you know people pag-ibig the two of you. You were a celeb even before this show…” she sinabi smiling at him, finally relaxing in her seat. It felt so good talking to him again.
He smiled crookedly “Well, someone didn’t even know I existed actually…”
She giggled, blushing lightly, wondering why she couldn’t just be mad at him for madami than just a few hours. He just had this irresistible way of tiptoeing gently around her that she couldn’t resist.
“…and then…” Hugh kept on “…a record company came to me and asked me whether I want to do a blues album with them….” he sinabi dismissively “…but you know…” he added tilting his head from one side to another “…I am not really sure about this one…I would probably need like ten years to be ready for that…”
As she processed it all, she stared into his eyes as if she was expecting to read through them what she needed to know deep down inside. So Jo had nothing to do with it? Had he really just been busy with walang tiyak na layunin stuff? Once again, it shouldn’t have made any difference if they were just friends, but the words where out before she could take them back
“Is this the truth? Why you haven’t been calling?” she asked cautiously holding her breath, immediately realizing how this tanong totally contradicted her original statement. She would have gladly buried herself somewhere away from him right now.
Hugh didn’t even pay attention to that little scowl of embarrassment on her face. He was just so sorry about having let her down so much, but he truly had needed these days for himself, to think things through and understand how this whole divorce issue worked with the kids and the international laws and how long it would take. He just didn’t want her to get involved.
“Do you trust me?” he finally asked with gentle firmness. Maybe it wasn’t fair talking about trust, since he was somehow lying to her, but he couldn’t find another way to reassure her he wasn’t keep playing games with her. He never had.
And once again, Lisa answered without even thinking “You know I do”
He couldn’t help himself. Maybe even just the loving way Lisa had sinabi those words, although he had probably imagined it, had been enough to push him to the edge.
“You know, I missed talking to you these days…” he sinabi with simplicity.
Lisa’s mouth dropped slightly open “I missed talking to you too…”
A huge smile was already lighting up his face when Stephanie came back interrupting them.
“Sorry it took me so long sweetie…” she sinabi getting herself busy with the make up stuff already “my husband will drive me crazy one day….I don’t really get what’s difficult about pagbaba a med prescriptions and going to the pharmacist…” She shook her head “…why on earth he always ends up going back tahanan with different meds than the ones on the paper, I won’t ever understand…” she trailed off reaching for the drier.
Hugh looked at Lisa with some regret. He wished they would have madami time. He still didn’t know what to do about tonight, but it was really getting later and later, and he still had to rush to the wardrobe and then came back here to have his hair set.
He smiled at her starting to walk backwards “Well, I’ll see you on set…”
Lisa pressed he lips together in a tight line.
“Hugh?” she sinabi looking at him in the mirror.
“Yes?” he answered holding his breath as his eyes slipped on Stephanie who was starting to arrange Lisa’s hair in some sort of ponytail, revealing the pale, soft skin of the back of her neck.
Her eyes followed his gaze. They were mga kaibigan but letting other people know their mutual plans wasn’t a wise ilipat since he was like an off-limits kind of friend. Her puso wrinkled one madami time. Off-limits. That was what he was. She’d better remember that maybe…But Hugh was waiting for her to say something with such mesmerizing eyes that she thought it through for less than another segundo before deciding to send everything to hell.
She lowered her gaze and slowly started turning the pages of the magazine she still held in her hands, answering him with nonchalance.
“Don’t you dare thinking you’ve gotten yourself out of what you’ve promised me…” she sinabi stifling a chuckle but beaming widely with her eyes.
A brilliant smile erupted on his face but this time he bit his lower lip to hold himself back. He had promised himself.
“I would never…”
“You haven’t forgotten right?” she asked teasingly and half-menacing, lifting her gaze up to look at him over her eyelashes.
Someone would have to have brainwashed him to make him forget that he had a chance to spend an evening alone with Lisa tonight, especially now that she was looking at him with those eyes. If she kept doing that it would be very hard on him tonight to get rid of the impulse of hugging her or…even worse. But, once again, he surprisingly didn’t care. He just wanted to be with her…feel her closer.
He put one hand on the doorjamb, forcing himself to get ready to leave. He softened his eyes, and told her simply “I always remember everything…”And then, he was gone.
Lisa stared at her face in the mirror, studying it. Her eyes were glittering now and a faint blush was colouring her cheeks.
The glow was back.
