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can you please give me some criticism on this?

I was normal once or i thought I was, at least, until I knew otherwise,then I didn't know how i could have missed it i mean it was so obvious but i suppose that was just it, it was to obvious and sometimes i wonder what it would be like if what happened that night never happened but it probably wouldn't have mattered what happened that horrible night because it just sped up what was already there, sure maybe it would have been easier if i had known what I was but maybe it wouldn't have been.
You see before all this happened I lived a very good life we were very rich and we lived in a palace,like really, no joke, i didn't know why we lived like we did not until i learned the truth and, you know what, ignorance was better because now I'm on the run for my life with my little sister(Emily) and a few mga kaibigan of ours(Matt,Damien,Alice,and jack)(and let me tell you NOT FUN).... but we'll get to all that later first your probably wondering sa pamamagitan ng now what is she exactly well ill tell you what i am,my name is Alica brown I'm sixteen and I'm a were cat,yes a were cat, and no we are nothing like were wolfs(we are much better) as a matter of fact we are pretty much enemies with them. but you'll hear about all that later....for now ill bring you back to the night that would change my life forever.

*it's the beginning to a story I'm Pagsulat but I need some payo on what i could do to improve it, thanks*

 kitkat709477 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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r-pattz said:
It seems interesting... But not good. *sigh*

A.) Run on sentences. There's a little dot that goes at the end of sentences called a period. Heard of it? Yes? Well please us it. Run ons make the whole thing sound rushed and immature.

B.) Grammar. This goes with A, but grammar was near non-existant. You're supposed to capitalize I, you know. Remember, commas and periods are good in writing.

C.) Too much info. If this is the beginning of your story, you don't want to simply throw everything at the reader. Like don't just state the names of all those friends. You don't need to introduce them right away. Maybe after that night that changed your main character's life you could talk about her being on the run with them. And take the the time to give them personalities. Names don't mean anything. Tell the reader what they look like, how they act, what they want, etc.

D.) The same goes for your main character. Don't feel as if you have to tell the reader all about her in the first two paragraphs. You can go without names in the prologue and just say "her," "she," etc. And I mean direct characterization is boring.

Honestly, I would write the beginning of this all over again. Try beginning with a scene, something happening, as your prologue. Maybe prologue: Her and her mga kaibigan running through a forest or whatever. Chapter 1: Leading up to the night that changed her life. And then continue for there.

When Pagsulat a story, always begin at the beginning. Chapter one is the start. Then there is the middle, and then there is the end. Many writers mess this up, especially since the story doesn't always being with their main character in the picture.

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posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
MissKnowItAll said:

I like it. It needs some sort of editing, as it is a bit confusing and all over the place. You need to decide what you want the beginning to be like and sound like, and write it like that.

It sounds like it will be a good story- I certainly want to find out more.
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posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
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