is this good?

a. Pagsulat fanfic about real people is immediately offputting especially when it's so ridiculously ooc but i'll ignore that

b. the first paragraph is "I, I, I." it's boring and all the structure is the same throughout. vary your syntax. don't just use simple sentences with one compound thrown in here - where are your subordinate clauses?

c. it moves way too fast. don't jump right into the action, c'mon now. mystery novels don't put the murder on the first page (unless they're flashing forward). the amount of action in this artikulo should be at least a few thousand words in length. it's rushed.

d. overall, not really, bro.

i liked the plot line you were trying to convey, it had good characters and you obviouslt knew what you were trying to do. but, it didnt really attract me, its sort of boring to be honest, sorry, i know you probably worked hard on it, you should also try to make it a bit longer.

and if you like Pagsulat fanfiction or writing..anything, you shouldnt post it on here, and maybe instead post it on Wattpad, a site used specificly for people who want to write.

i have one, and i have actually written one, but i wont tell you what its called because i dont want to.

well, yeah.

There's just something about it. It just needs a little madami work, and usually if you wanna make someone stutter, you put - not ,