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posted by x-menobsessed26
Application For Permission To petsa My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied sa pamamagitan ng a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical ulat from your physician.

petsa of Birth:
Social Security Number:
Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:
tahanan Address:

Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:

Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers or sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____

Do you own or have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____

Do you have a tattoo? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.

In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?

In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?

In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?

In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?

Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________

How often do you attend: ____________________________

When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________

Please fill in the blanks:

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________

A woman's place is in the ____________________________

The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________

When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised

What do you want to be if you grow up?

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in Pagsulat if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
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Source: Me
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Source: Internet
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Source: dude
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Source: owl-ler.tumblr.com
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posted by TheRealSexyKate
Q: Why did the forgetful chicken tumawid the road?

A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.

Q: Why did the redneck tumawid the road?

A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

Q: Why did the one-handed man tumawid the road?

A: To get to the segundo hand shop.

Q: Why did the turkey tumawid the road?

A: Because he wasn't a chicken.

Q: Why did the fat turkey tumawid the road?

A: To get hit sa pamamagitan ng my car.

Q: Why did the woman tumawid the road?

A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?
previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Jenni Peter and Tina were thinking of a way to find out who was trying to wreck their house then all of a sudden there was a noise and it was coming from Tina's room. Tina got mad cause she doesnt let ANYONE besides Peter and Jenni and herself in her room. she was about to stomp over to her room but Jenni stepped in front of her and tried to calm Tina down Peter helped out with trying to calm Tina down as well. Tina sighed calming down after that they all went to Tina's room when they opened the door they were all shocked Tina's cd's were all broken her paintings...
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previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Tina Unlocked the door to their house and they all walked inside then Peter put the Teddy madala on the self after that they all got hungery so Tina went to the shops to get some pagkain while Peter and Jenni were playing Uno they heard a crash in the kusina and ran over there they got a big shock when they saw how messy the kusina was when Tina got tahanan she saw what the kusina was like and she got a big shock herself then while they all were thinking of a plan to see who did this to their tahanan the Teddy madala was hiding in the kusina cupboard as it chuckled...
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" Once up on a time there was a girl wh hated justin bieber when she met him she didn't notice him. Justin Bieber was really surprised. Justin Bieber camed up to the girl and asked for her wuts ur name.
JB: uy baby, wuts ur name?
the girl was so irritated with him that she couldn't help her self but...
GIRL: f**k away from me
JB: what are u going to do, luv
GIRL: luv?!
the girl kicked him real hard in his private. whwn justin bieber stood up he headed straight for her. she pushed him away on to the road. luckly he walked away before the bus smacked him. she was just about to take out her knife...
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posted by JoannaVonDoom
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have ibingiay a shit about you.

is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

is for Eating like a pig. Remember when...
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posted by BlackSunshine
Lol I found this on the internet.


1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)

2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's madami like it)

3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my susunod life I want to be a pig)

(How'd they figure this out, and why?)

4. Banging your head against a pader uses 150 calories an hour.

(Still can't get over that pig thing)

(Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)

5. Humans...
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