My suicide note that I threw away cuz of my awesome mga kaibigan and life I wanted to keep.
To the friends, I call my family,
sa pamamagitan ng the time you read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.
A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.
It is too late for me now, and I know it.
Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.
But I feel it, so that's something, right?
I have been dead for a while now, though you may not have noticed.
I died the night I couldn't pag-ibig you, my love.
I loved you with everything.
My heart, my body and soul.
I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you.
At least you're happy.
I went numb, and ceased to feel.
Ceased to be.
That was when I first cut.
I just needed to feel something.
After a while it wasn't enough.
I thought if I cut deeper and spilled madami of my blood I would at least make me feel alive.
It worked for a while, but in the end it just left me hollower than before.
I tried to keep it together, for my family, but you know something?
You don't need me any more.
None of you do.
I just cause you madami pain and suffering than I'm worth.
Because I lied.
I am not Raven.
I am nothing without you.
You don't need me.
None of you do.
How can I take care of a family when I can't take care of myself?
I used to be able to, before this all started.
I just can't remember how anymore.
I sit here and remember the fight we had.
You told me to leave and the words you used cut me madami than any blade ever did.
I am going now.
I feel so tired, my vision is becoming blurred, and I know I must go soon, but wait.
There is some wisdom I still need to depart on you.
The last order I shall give you is the one to do what you want.
I was only trying to protect you all.
I am sorry.
I won't do it again.
I was a bad leader.
I know it.
So, do what you want, and maybe you'll see why I was the way I was.
Whitney, my baby.
Go off make the world better...
Go be yourself, and be happy.
Go make me proud.
Twan, my brother.
Go be the person you want to be.
Go blow up things.
Go give away your life.
Go and accidentally kill yourself or someone you pag-ibig and see how it feels to be a murder.
Like I am.
Ducky, my little sister.
Go draw attention to yourself.
Go tell every stranger you meet that you are happy, and heck, hug them.
Go get laughed at, screamed at, go get called a freak.
Go be happy about being a freak, my freak.
People don't like things that are different.
I learned that the hard way, and tried to shield you from it, but maybe I was wrong to do so.
Fang, damn it I pag-ibig you.
Go be the person who other people depend on for every little thing.
Mel, my freaking OC, and mother figure.
I want someone to hold me.
I want my sissy to hold me.
I want Fang to hold me.
I want my brother to hold me
I want my Mom to hold me.
Then you'll really be alone like you always wanted to be, and whose fault will it be? Not mine, that's for sure.
That's why I'm leaving.
I want out.
I can't take it anymore.
I need a break.
I need to be free.
I loved you guys all with all my heart.
I hope you're happy together.
All I can say is that I tried.
It was too hard.
My little sister,
My crazy mother figure,
And my best friend, my imaginary right-hand-man, the only person I ever truly loved, Fang.
I wish I could see your faces one madami time, but it's too late for me.
The darkness is creeping in around me.
Don't cry for me, I was already dead.
I just need you to know that everything I did, I did for you.
All of you.
You can't catch me this time...
You can't save me...
But you can let me go....