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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my listahan of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let you know now i got alot of these from the youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything or eating anything you might spit it or something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the walis late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the baya they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's paborito vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the kabute have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do you call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do you make an octopus giggle ten times?
You give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do you make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's paborito composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between you and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't you hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher sinabi it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the kamatis blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do you know if it's raining Pusa and dogs?
You step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do you know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do you get pikachu on a bus?
You pokémon (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't you dress with pikachu in the room?
He'll pikachu (peek at you)

#27 What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton tumawid the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's kulay-rosas and fluffy?
kulay-rosas fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
kulay-rosas fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when you drink 7 coca colas?
You burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the isda say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't you trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope you liked them. Make sure you check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
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I KNEW YOU WERE IN TROUBLE sa pamamagitan ng Taylor Swift

{I Knew You Were Trouble}

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me…
I guess you didn't care and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard, you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me…
And he's long gone when he's susunod to me
And I realize the blame is on me.

CHORUS
Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
I flew me to places I’d never been
so you put me down oh,
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
I flew me to places I’d...
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I am adding this because we seem to need some decent lyrics posted to this club.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

My fall will be for you
My pag-ibig will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I'll bleed forever

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee
Into the blue memory

My fall will be for you
My pag-ibig will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I will bleed forever

Into the blue memory

A siren from the deep came to me
Sang my name my longing
Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may...
continue reading...
posted by nmdis
ROAR
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the bangka and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

Chorus:
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the apoy
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me...
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posted by nmdis
SLOW DOWN

Now that I have captured your attention
I want to steal you for a rhythm intervention
Mr. T, you say I'm ready for inspection
Show me how you make a first impression

Oh, oh
Can we take it nice and slow, slow
Break it down and drop it low, low
Cause I just wanna party all night in the neon lights 'til you can't let me go

I just wanna feel your body right susunod to mine
All night long
Baby, slow down the song
And when it's coming closer to the end hit rewind
All night long
Baby, slow down the song

If you want me I'm accepting applications
So long as we keep this record on rotation
You know I'm good...
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posted by animelol
Mary asks everyone to guess her age. Thanks to the amazing effects of two safe, at-home anti-aging creams, her skin defies time, looking 20 years younger than it once did.

As a mom to two children in Hightstown, New Jersey, Mary leads the typical average American lifestyle. After working hard to provide for her family in this struggling economy, Mary can't afford to throw money at the newest beauty products, hoping they will work when all others have not lived up to their hype. Unhappy with the wrinkles and age spots on her face, not to mention the sagging skin on her neck, Mary strived to find...
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Ooooohhh
Ooh, yeah
You, you got a nasty reputation
We're in a sticky situation, it's down to me and you
So tell me, is it true, they say there ain't nobody better
Well now that we're together
Show me what you can do

You're under the gun
Out on the run
Gonna set the night on fire
Out on the run
Under the gun
Playin' to win

Raise your hands
When you want to let it go
Raise your hands
And you want to let a feeling show
Raise your hands
New York to Chicago
Raise your hands
From New Jersey to Tokyo
Whoa-whoa
Raise your hands

I, I've been out on the front line
Where you'll go down if you waste time
They'll walk all over...
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Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck
It's tough, so tough

Gina works the kainan all day
Working for her man, she brings tahanan her pay
For love, mmm, for love

She says we got to hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We got each other and that's a lot
For pag-ibig we'll give it a shot

Oh we're half way there
Whoa-oh livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Whoa-oh, livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in when he used to make it talk
So tough, mmm, it's tough

Gina...
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Whoa
Whoa
Whoa
Whoa

The weekend comes to this town
Seven days too soon
For the ones who have to make up
What we break up of their rules

Well I saw Captain Kidd on Sunset
Tell his boys they're in command
While chino danced a tango
With a broomstick in his hand
He said, it's alright (Alright) if you have a good time
It's alright (alright) if you want to tumawid that line
Break on through to the other side

Let it rock (Let it rock), let it go (Let it go)
You can't stop a apoy burning out of control
Let it rock (Let it rock), let it go (Let it go)
With the night we’re on the loose, huh
Got to let it rock
Whoa
Whoa

We...
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We would take no prisoners
'Cause there was nobody giving in
They came walking through my jungle
Met an angel about to sin
I heard a voice from inside of me
When the youth of America cried
Can you help me, hear me call

I don't wanna fall (I don't wanna fall)
I don't wanna fall (I don't wanna fall)
To the fire
I don't wanna fall (I don't wanna fall)
I don't wanna fall (I don't wanna fall)
To the fire

When you're a part of society
You know the puso of your innocence dies
When we met with Authority
I looked him right between the eyes
'Cause all we had was our innocence
All we had was our hearts to try to win the...
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Listen people can't you hear the voices that are crying out
There's a hunger burning in the puso of their souls
Maybe now that I got you let me tell you what I'm talking 'bout
Stand up and shout tonight we'll lose control

(Oh, no)
I been down and mistreated
(Oh no, let’s go)
Now we're standing undefeated
(Yeah)

I'm (I’m) the king of the mountain
I'm (I’m) the king of the hill
I'm (I’m) the king of the mountain
I'm (I’m) the king of the hill

You spend your life working 9 to 5 it's like doing time
Boss man says "Hey boy, you'll never be no good"
With the night there's a magic in the air makes us...
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One puso one other
They met last summer
One ilipat she started
Now they pag-ibig this way
The pain of pleasure
Lying together
You're at their mercy
As the telephone's ringing on

No one sinabi there'd be nights like this
Risk your life for a stolen kiss

We live, we learn, we lie
For the price of love
We halik then say goodbye
For the price of love
We live, we learn, we lie
For the price of love
We halik then say goodbye
For the price of love

Each ilipat goes so slow
Until the door closed
No secret codes now
No word says baby goes down
One last dance then goodbye
Practicing his pag-ibig lies
He runs to his wife
And you’re left holding...
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Now that you're gone, I can see
What was going on and how you lied
When you sinabi you'd never pag-ibig again

Your mga kaibigan telephone and they say
You weren't out alone last night
Can you see that this broken puso is killing me

Another night is falling
And now my puso is calling you back to me

Come back, 'cause I need your love
Back, got to have your love
Come back, bring your loving back to me

Come back, 'cause it's been so long
Back, and I can't go on
Come back, bring your loving back to me

You play with words, play with love
Always just your silly way
I'm a fool for I need you sa pamamagitan ng my side again

Now it's too late...
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(Switch)
You’re out of this world I’m sure of it
A crazy intuition, you’re off and on
You’re here then gone, come back
A curious condition
And then you switch right over
It’s weird yeah I know but
Just can’t get a hold of myself

Hey, so strange
You switched in front of me
Hey, you’ve changed
Not like you used to be
‘Cause you get in my head and hold my heart
When I’m here you’re there, we’re worlds apart
So reverse your words, get to the start
And switch back to my world

Hey, you’re just
Talking like a machine
Hey, I’m stuck
On every word in between
‘Cause you get in my head and hold...
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(Oh)
Oh
(Crank it up, oh)
I like that, ah
(Oh)
Yeah

Th-th-this beat is hypnotic
I wanna ride like a shofa
Sound of sonic’s
Controlling me just like a robot
I go bionic so D-D-DJ put it on
I’m losing logic and cruising deeper in the zone

(It’s so cinematic
Charismatic
G-got me froze up)
G-got me froze up
(This psychopathic
Beat it something
I need a dose of)
I need a dose of
(I’m systematically
Moving every single bone)
Moving every single bone
(There’s no mechanic
That can understand what I’m on)

Let’s crank it up (Crank it up)
Till the walls cave in
Just crank it up (Crank it up)
Put that record on spin...
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It’s in your eyes, feeling’s can’t be disguised
‘Cause the truth makes me want you to tell me lies
My biggest fear is crying oceans of tears
I would rather you not be so sincere

How cold could you be
What would you do if you were me
I’m better off if it’s a mystery

‘Cause I don’t wanna know
If I kissed your lips for the last time
Please don’t say if it’s so
Tell my puso it’s not goodbye
And do this one thing for me
Make up some stupid story tonight
It’s alright, keep the truth and tell me lies

Something’s not right, pag-ibig is nowhere in sight
I’m not ready to let go, it’s not...
continue reading...