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posted by simpleplan
1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, you answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, you answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, you answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, you say “is that so?”
5. If you so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher you did not turn in your homework because you were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper airplane and fly it to the teacher’s desk. Extra points if it hits the teachers head.
10. Beg your teacher for extensions on reports.
11. Whisper to your neighbor during a test, but claim it was the sugar ants on the floor.
12. Argue with your teacher about your test grade and claim it was supposed to be one or two points higher than it actually is.
13. While your teacher is grading papers in class, sharpen your pencil. Very loudly.
14. When the teacher says to stop, covertly break the lead and say “but it’s not sharpened”.
15. Roll your pencil across the desk.
16. Do drum rolls with your pencil. Use the head of the person in front of you as the cymbals.
17. Never bring a pen or pencil so you always have to borrow one from the teacher.
18. Return the pencil to the teacher, with the eraser end all chewed and slobbery.
19. Use crayon for important assignments. Purple crayon.
20. Lean your chair back so that it is balancing on only two legs. Extra points if you fall over backward.
21. Covertly chew gum in class. Extra points if you snap and crack it with out being caught.
22. When possible, eat pagkain in class. Loud, crunchy food.
23. Go into the graphics options on the school computers, click graphics properties and click on rotation. Rotate 180 degrees. Extra points if the teacher can’t find out how to get it back the way it was.
24. Put wads of chewed gum on the end of your pencil.
25. Ask to be excused to the bathroom. Even if you just came from recess lunch.
26. When the teacher asks a question, raise your hand. If the teacher calls on you, ask if you can go to the bathroom.
27. Ask if you can be excused to go to the bathroom, then take a tour arround the school.
28. Put too many staples on your paper when you staple it. Extra points if you make a good disensyo with them.
29. Write so small on your paper that the teacher can barely read it.
30. Bring brightly colored notebook paper to write on. Examples: neon pink, purple, red, orange, green…and so on.
31. Blurt out the sagot to the teachers questions.
32. When your teacher asks a question, wiggle in your upuan and shout “I know, I know!”
33. When the teacher ask a question, wave your hand like a palm puno in a hurricane and say “pick me, pick me!” When the teacher finally calls on you, say “never mind”.
34. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you, look innocent and say “I was just stretching”.
35. Raise your hand. When the teacher calls on you say “I wasn’t paying attention”.
36. Make basket shots with every paper you want to throw away. Extra points if you get a basket.
37. When the teacher calls on you, tell her the longest personal story you know.
38. When the teacher says “Pay attention please” reply “how much should I pay?”
39. When the teacher calls on you, talk so softly that the teacher can barely hear you. When she tells you to speak up, pretend to be dead on your desk.
40. When the teacher calls on you say “finally”—Even if you where picked first.
41. Count how many times your teacher says um. At the end of the period, present the grand total at the end of class.
42. For your book report, choose the shortest book with the most pictures you can find.
43. Whistle while you work.
44. Never seem to listen to directions.
45. Right after the teacher gives directions say “huh”.
46. Comb, brush, or braid your hair in class.
47. Bring a lizard, mouse, rat, exedra into class. “Accidentally” let it lose. Extra points if the teacher screams like a little girl.
48. Don’t work when the teacher is looking. Work when the teacher is working.
49. Sigh, “This is boring” heavily.
50. Laugh out loud for no reason.
51. Don’t talk to a substitute teacher because the is a “stranger”.
52. Never let your teacher finish a sentence without an interruption.
53. After everything your teacher says say “That’s what you think”.
54. If you have a substitute teacher, ask you and your mga kaibigan to sit in all different places so that the substitute’s seating chart is all messed up.
55. Track sand into the classroom sa pamamagitan ng “accident”.
56. Keep dropping your pencil.
57. Call her “grandma”.
58. Call him “grandpa”
59. Throw lots of spit wads.
60. Fall asleep in class. If the teacher wakes you, say “aww, I was dreaming you were actually nice”.
61. After class, cover every inch of the dry-erase board with dry-erase marker so that the teacher can not write anything on it.
62. Hide other books inside of text books and appear to be pagbaba the text book.
63. After every time the teacher explains something ask “is that going to be on the test?”
64. After every time the teacher explains something say “well, duh”.
65. Make up humorous excuses for being late.
66. Forget to have your parents make excuses for being late.
67. Yell “Yessssssssss” after every time you finished something. Anything.
68. Annoy Ms. Thompson. AT ALL COST.
69. If Mr. Corley walks by, whistle innocently, and when he turns his back, run fast.
70. Make animal shows on projector.
71. Read your math book when you are supposed to be pagbaba history. If the teacher asks why, say “oh, how did that get there?”
72. Read comic books hidden in your text books.
73. Ask a teacher how old she is. When she replies, put your hand over your puso and say “WOW!”
74. Ask the same tanong the teacher just finished answering 10 minutos ago.
75. Knock a heavy text book off your mesa again…and again…and again….and again….
76. Keep finding an excuse to keep walking in front of the projector.
77. Smudge up your paper so that it is hard to read.
78. Ask for help on something. Then say “never mind”. Then ask for help on the same thing 2 minutos later to annoy your teacher.
79. Make animal bunny ears to the teacher if she/he is infront of the projector.
80. Read out loud during silent pagbaba time.
81. Pretend to fall asleep instead of following instructions. Then say “I don’t get it”.
82. Doodle on your desk. Big, hard to ignore doodles.
83. Write stupid tanong on your desk.
84. Put messages in your textbooks.
85. Always write in marker. Bright neon marker colors.
86. While the teacher is talking, roll your eyes. Then yawn and stretch. After that, gaze longingly out the window. Keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Sigh. Very loudly.
87. Whistle very loudly when the teacher is trying to concentrate.
88. Never look up a word in the dictionary. Always ask your teacher.
89. Make your id picture hard to read.
90. Put staples all over the floor.
91. If you have the guts, start a pagkain fight. ?
92. Come in just after the kampanilya every day.
93. Complain about the pagkain at the school cafeteria.
94. Pretend like you have only one brain cell.
95. Where sunglasses inside. Even if it is cloudy.
96. Laugh stupidly. Often.
97. Talk loudly about your paborito show.
98. If you can, get the necessary materials to take over the p.a system. Then, play forty minutos of your paborito cd over it. Extra points if you do not get caught.
99. Play coin football during silent pagbaba time.
100. Gather your stuff ten minutos before class ends.
101. Run out of the classroom right after the bell. Before the teacher dismisses you.
1. Do you like pie?

2. Are you, or have you ever been a squirrel?

3. Are you afraid of Pancakes?

4. Are you a people person or a person people?

5. How many months are in a watermelon?

6. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were an apple?

7. Have you ever wanted to know if your best friend was a Nazi, too?

8. Can you get me a soda?

9. Why is water so dry?

10. Have you ever wanted to be and Illegal Alien from Outer Mexico? (No offense to Mexicans)

11. Are people actually rabid horses?

12. Have you ever eaten the ear of a snake?

13. Do you have a sword handy?

14. Do you like pie?

15. Am I weird...
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42 Things That Will Make Your Parents Go Crazy.

1. Follow them around the house everywhere...

2. Moo when they say your name...

3. Run into walls...

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...

6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...

7. Wear a sticker that says, "I'm a retard"...

8. Have 20 imaginary mga kaibigan that you talk to all the time...

9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...

10. Do what they actually tell you...

11. Jump off the roof, trying...
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1.    Unplug the refrigerator.
2.    Turn the hurno on.
3.    Rearrange the furniture. (Turn a bedroom into a dining room, and vice versa.)
4.    Hide the remote.
5.    Hide the television.
6.    Hide the pets.
7.    Change the answering machine message.
8.    Turn off the answering machine.
9.    Change the speed dial numbers.
10.    Change the alarm clock time to twelve hours earlier.
11.    Add...
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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my listahan of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let you know now i got alot of these from the youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything or eating anything you might spit it or something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the walis late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the baya they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favorite...
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posted by CoaxochYJ
My suicide note that I threw away cuz of my awesome mga kaibigan and life I wanted to keep.

To the friends, I call my family,

By the time you read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.

A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.

It is too late for me now, and I know it.

Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.

But I feel it, so that's something, right?

I have been dead for a while now, though you may not have noticed.

I died the night I couldn't pag-ibig you, my love.

I loved you with everything.

My heart, my body and soul.

I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you.

At least you're happy....
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posted by zanesaaomgfan
1. Tell her that theres a robber outside and point to a guy in black.

2. Say its snowing and repeat it 3 times. Then, say mom are you listening? 15 times.

3. Ask her, "Do you like me?" over and over

4. Tell your phone to die.

5. Don't blow your nose when shes asks you to.

6. Make weird faces when she asks you to get off your PC.

7. Whine to her about your PC/laptop.

8. Call your mom about her day.

9. Break something that your mother brought you.

10. If somebody's at the door, and your tahanan alone, answer it.

11. Call your mother, father.

12. Call your mom for no reason.

13. When its a night before your...
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added by Avatarzan
Source: giant skeletons
posted by My8thUsername
A/N: I pag-ibig copy-and-pastes. Here's a enormungantic listahan I did. 'Cause I felt like it. Oh, and they're not in any order. I just wanted to know how many I have. sa pamamagitan ng the way, just because I copied them here doesn't necessarily mean they apply to me. I just thought they were cute/funny/awesome. After all, this isn't my profile...

1.98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. A/N: Never ever. And proud.

2.Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as...
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1.Try to climb through all the rooms in your tahanan without touching the floor
2.Find undiscovered tribes using Google Earth
3.Shave your pets
4.Knock down all the interior walls of your home, creating one large empty space. Once done, sit in the middle of the giant room and contemplate your life
5.Start a free blog on WordPress or Blogger and tell the world about all your weird and dirty secrets
6.Email an ex girlfriend or boyfriend and apologize for hurting them even though it’s a complete lie (just do it for shits and giggles)
7.Read a book. Use your time to learn something, for God’s...
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added by Rodz
Source: desktopnexus
posted by Bubblekat
1. Go around stores, pick up items and yell out really loudly "Who buys this CRAP anyway?!"

2. Get a cart, get on the bar below the bar you grip, and push it down the isle, extra points for running into something or someone

3. Go up to a walang tiyak na layunin person and say "you have pretty eyes, may I have your eyes?!" and hear to see what they say

4. Laugh randomly

5. If someones talking on a cellphone Go closer to them and start maki walang tiyak na layunin noises to disturb them, extra points if they hang up

6. If your near a fountain run to it and start splashing in it

7. If your mom starts nagging to you in public about the...
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Hi! :)
Here are the tuktok ten to impress the guy you like, just out of my personal oppinion, only try what you want to try, my sources are personal expirence as a woman:
10. Respect the men, example: no its not just a game, its football/soccer and its madami important than breathing to most guys. ;)
9. ....but don't be too suck up-like.
one of my mga kaibigan heard her crush loved chickens according to the guy, so she was thrilled when she got invited to his "Amazing" party, I was really happy for her and asked her wheather she'll like to borrow a fiver to buy acessorie for the party, but she sinabi thanks...
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Dare

1. Prank call your best friend.

2. Run around the neighborhood screaming, "I pag-ibig GAY PEOPLE!"

3. Ask your parents when they first had sex.

3. Pour mayo, ketchup, vinegar, and sugar and into a cup and drink the contents.

4. Sing the first song that comes to your head in your loudest voice.

5. Scream and say, "My water bottle broke!" (I did this and many people heard it as "my water broke lol)

6. Ask your crush out then dump him/her 5 mins later.

7. Whenever someone tries to explain something to you say, "Why don't you speak madami clearly?"

8. Run around the house in your underwear. (Recommended...
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I'm a girl pervert!I say guys are crazy cuz they think I touch their butts!I blame it on their hormones even though I touched their butts alot!

1.Be a real pervert

2.You don't have to look like one but just act like one

3.Always when you're walking behind a guy always look at their butt!And say"say veiw" then touch it nice and gently! :)

4.They look back and ask you say'what?no way especially not your flat ass!!!!"when they turn around find another butt to look at!

5.Look at their muscles when they're wearing sando sleeve shirts and they're doing heavy lifting

6.Take pictures as well

7.Always comment...
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posted by fencingrocks
No, I'm not racist I just found it on youtube.

If you want to check it out link

59. Goldstein
58. Burgenblatt
57. Burgenstein
56. Birumbaum
55. Farbstein
54. Grepslach
53. Steinbergavinski
52. Schnitzler
51. Pupikatvitz
50. Schnitzelmacher
49. Schpoilgekatz
48. Manashevitz
47. Platzenfinkle
46. Yankelovitz
45.Shteinshtein
44. Oyvayski
43. Shmoigerberg
42. Choppedleiberman
41.Zilbershpitzanhimelfarbenfleishebien
40.Gefiltafarb
39. Gefiltashlep
38. B'Bergberg
37. Yidihevitz
36. Synagogavitz
35. Parkenfien
34. LOL they forgot this one... :D
33. Kinkenberg
32. Menachemchem
31. Rechtum
30. Along with this one
29. Docotrlawyerstein...
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posted by Lady10358
Found this on google
1. If you're lucky enough and find someone with the shirt: FREE HUGS or If you find a sando store selling it, hug the shirt/person and if they/someone notices you, say "It says free hugs!"
2. go to the pagkain court and go to a fast pagkain place and take tons of straws and put as many possible in your mouth and stand on a mesa pag-awit elmo's world theme.
3. Go to one of those toddler toy/clothing stores and hold up a baby outfit/toy and yell as loud as you can "I pag-ibig THIS TOY! I'D PLAY WITH IT araw AND NIGHT!"
4. Go to the bathroom and hide in a stall until you see an old lady/guy...
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posted by sakurahanazono
Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and you have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
posted by greenday82
This is TOTALLY random...but here's the listahan from the "Funny Words" group on Facebook. Feel free to add your own


Hullabaloo
Sponge
Idiopathic
Bobbin
Bamboo
Poppycock
Persnickety
Irked
Queer
Flabbergasted
Frippery
Befuddlement
Haberdashery
Diphthong
Britches
Scrumptious
Sassafras
Gadabouts
Bazooka
Cockamamie
Egad
Frumpy
Claptrap
Pooch
Sack
Sag
Baffled
Bubbles
Noodles
Flagellum
Blimp
Napkin
Jiggle
Discombobulate
Fallopian
Pants
Follicle
Box
Bladder
Spoon
Centipede
Indubitably
Banana
Igloo
Waddle
Wobble
Sludge
Briefs
Trump
Gristle
Sprout
Turnip
Gash
Sandals
Crunch
Turd
Gauze
Goon
Manhole
Cockamamie
Noddle
Pudding
Strudel
Rubbish
Duty
Guava
Smashing
Hunky
Inevitable...
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added by 27-5
added by XxKeithHarkinxX
Source: google