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5

posted by karpach_13

Overheard this on a London bus:
First Woman: "I don't know what to get Fred for his birthday."
Second Woman: "Why don't you get him a book?"
First Woman: (after a moment's thought) "Nah, he's already got a book."
At the isda hatchery where I work, we have a small display that describes the now-extinct Michigan Grayling (a kind of fish). This summer, I had the following conversation with a tourist:

Tourist: "Is the Grayling still extinct?"
Me: "Yes sir, it doesn't exist anymore."
Tourist: "Any thoughts of bringing it back?"
Me: "No, I don't think that's possible."
Tourist: "Why not?"
Me: "Because it's...

1

Guess The Songs

posted by Invincible321

I got this idea from Wanda5.

Rules:
- Put your MP3 player/iPod/iTunes on shuffle.
- Post the first line from the first 30 songs that plays, no matter how embarrassing the song.
- Let anyone guess the sagot (song pamagat and artist) and bold the line when someone guesses correctly.

1. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag... Firework-Katy Perry
2. In the night, I hear 'em talk... Heartless-Dia Frampton
3. Baby, be mine 'cause even God knows... Scream-Hedley
4. All this talkin' to you, I don't know what I'm to do... Stop Standing There-Avril Lavigne
5. When you walk, you don't leave tracks... halik &...

35

Combacks and insults for Women

posted by iluvsmj

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this upuan empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: uy baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: What? And spoil my great sex life?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman:Why aren't you thin?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

2

fwd:fwd

posted by twilightgirl2

A fwd I got:

The teacher told Pepito to make sentences with his spelling words
1.cheese=Maria likes me but cheese fat
2.mushroom=wen all my mga kaibigan get in the car, there isn't mushroom
3.shoulder=my friend didn't know how to make a taco so I shoulder
4.texas=my friend always texas me fwds
5.herpes=me and my friend shared a piza, I got my piece and she got herpes
6.july=ju told me ju were going to the store and july to me! !! Julyer!!!!!
7.rectum=I had two cars, but my wife rectum
8.chicken=I was going to tje store with my wife but chicken go sa pamamagitan ng herself
9.wheelchair=we only have one soda but ita ok wheelchair
10.chicken wing=my mom plays the lottery so chicken wing
11.liver=a bully was messing wit my sister and I told him to liver alone
12.bodywash=I wanted to go to the bar but no bodywash my kids
13.budweiser=that woman over there has a nice body, budweiser her face so ugly

14

63 Ways To Annoy A Cop

posted by musicfanaticXD

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......

5. Ask if you can see his gun.

6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.

7. Touch him.

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

10. Refer to him sa pamamagitan ng his first name.

11. Pretend you are gay and ask...

3

nickfire47's tuktok five real car racing game franchises

posted by nickfire47

There are many racing games out there and they've been around for many years. Obviously racing game is a too broad spectrum. So, I have narrowed it down to real cars, meaning it has cars like Lamborghini's and mustangs, as well as it has to be a franchise, not a one-off like drive club or the crew. So here it is, my tuktok five real car racing game franchises.

#5. Asphalt
Asphalt has been for the most part, a phone/tablet game, sure it has a 3ds and a psvita version but they get boring quickly. It a simple and fun arcade racer that is a great way to waste time on the go. However the fact that it...

3

here we are once again?

posted by hetaliaitaly

u say your a body?
without a host?
not one spirit not one ghost?

why do u cry if im unfair?
suck it up my frail friend

im sick of your stupid greed
why are u so scared of me?

i have done nothing wrong?
then whats with your gloomy song?

u say your fine you say im dead?

whats without pag-ibig u sleepy head?
im just me and your just u
so be happy where noot split in Two

if i was a u and u were a me?
then it would so much madami unhappy

my soul is telling me to stay
but then my ghost is saying go away?

its not like my smile would care
because im just u and me and fair

be proud that where not split in two
because i could never live without u

2

The Crystal Cavern

posted by Feathershine

The Crystal Cavern

Sitting silently in the dusk, it was unbearable. My eyes closed, they were clouded with sadness and anger. It rose in me, this was starting to shape depression in my sole.

"how?" I muttered to myself while tears started to stream down my face "why did this happen?"

Snow was starting to fall. I looked up, my eyes shimmering, the snow was falling lightly and quietly upon me and I felt less anger.

"perfect timing" I muttered coldly. Anger was still imbedded in me, but there was less. I put thrust my hands onto my face. "everything in my life is all... Dramatic"

This life was not...

1

fangs and balahibo chapter 1-about Melody Willgrove

posted by hotice

"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty or anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...

5

SPAM WARNING!!!

posted by Cyrusrocks

Okay, i was almost spammed, so i am warning everyone here, spread this artikulo far and wide. Yesterday, i was on my computer and this thing popped up. It was called Windows Security Suite, and it sinabi that 20 virus' were attacking my computer. I called my mom and she sinabi to turn off the computer. When she got home, we turned it back on, and apparently 23 virus' were attacking the computer, but, they were doing absolutely nothing to the computer, and Norton Antivirus never poped up and told us about these so-called virus' My sister couldn't figure it out, so we turned the computer off.( and...

2

Here We Go Around

posted by nmdis

"Here We Go Again"

I throw all of your stuff away
Then I clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
'Cause I'm so much better without you
But it's just another pretty lie
'Cause I break down
Every time you come around
(Uh, Oh Uh, Oh)

So how did you get here under my skin
Swore that I'd never let you back in
Should've known better
Then trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're fallin' together
You think that sa pamamagitan ng now I'd know
'Cause here we go...

5

My weird dream

posted by misscrazel

I had this dream and it was like smiegel (from LOTR) and the reyna of hearts. Then there was Harry Potter randomly following me. And in my dream the reyna of hearts hated smiegel so I was sad. D: and then my mga kaibigan were there and bahaghari Dash was there and it was so weird. So then Legolas (he's from LOTR to) walked sa pamamagitan ng with some walang tiyak na layunin person. And then there were ten Harry Potters and they all turned evil and chased me. So I ran away and put the reyna of hearts and all the Harry Potters in a bangka and they went away. And then I woke up and I was like what the heck was that.

1

How to Look Simple Yet Stunning

posted by karpach_14

Clean your face daily. Invest in a scrubbing cleanser, face wash and a nice lotion. Preferably one with aloe. An alternative to this is kakaw Butter; which is an oil free body moisterizer. Because invigorating scrubs are quite rough (removing dead cells), you should only use one once or twice a week, depending on your skin-type. Most face washes are mild, so they're appropiate for everyday use.

2.Apply make-up sparingly. Light kulay-rosas blush for a fresh, healthy glow, mildly golden eyeshadow and some chapstick.

3.Get some neon t-shirts from a thrift store. Don't buy a size too big or small. If neon...

3

Sickened sa pamamagitan ng Sexual Violence

posted by ivoryphills

As I write this, I feel deep disgust, sadness, and anger churning in the pit of my stomach. What had set off these emotions is what I saw: a gang rape scene.

It was on a TV show, so I know that it was just acting, but still, to see such a filthy act was so upsetting. I mean there she was, held down against her will as a group of men just attacked her, laughing with contempt as the victim screamed for help (how could filthy mga hayop enjoy making an innocent person suffer like that so much?) I felt so disturbed at seeing that because even though it was acting, I still wanted to scream, cry,...

2

i had a big fight

posted by shun4ever

DAD COMES tahanan DRUNK AND MAD

HE PULLS OUT A GUN
AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE THEN TURNS THE GUN
ON HIMSELF.

THE LITTLE GIRL SITS
BEHIND THE sopa CRYING

THE POLICE
CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO AN
ORPHANAGE.

SHE WALKS INTO THE
BEDROOM,AND THERE IS A PICTURE OF
Hesus ON THE CROSS

GIRL: HOW DID THAT MAN GET OFF OF THAT?

TEACHER: HE DIDN'T.

GIRL: YES HE DID.

TEACHER: NO HE DIDN'T.

GIRL: YES HE DID HE ALWAYS SAT susunod TO
ME WHEN MY PARENTS FOUGHT, AND HE TOLD
ME EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK

YOU READ THIS BECAUSE IT sinabi FIGHT,
BUT WOULD YOU HAVE
READ IT IF IT sinabi Hesus STORY?
POST THIS AS BIG FIGHT IN (ANY PLACE)?
DONT IGNORE THIS

64 PERCENT OF U WONT REPOST THIS

YOU NEVER
KNOW WHO MIGHT BE WATCHING
REMEMBER: THE BIBLE SAYS "IF YOU DENY
Hesus IN FRONT OF UR mga kaibigan HE WILL DENY YOU
IN FRONT OF HIS FATHER

2

About My Vacation: My Story

posted by AnimeFan66

The San Antonio Zoo

Hello! Most of you already knew that for the whole weekend, I had not been online because I went to San Antonio with my mom, my older sister and her boyfriend. I am glade to return tahanan and to return on here as well- I have missed tahanan as well as my greatest mga kaibigan on here and in honor of this I would like to give to you all a short story about all of what I did on this trip.

My family and I left the house last Thursday around 2:00 PM. We had to stop sa pamamagitan ng at my sister's house first because her vehicle was madami "on the trip" go unlike our van which has serious proublems. After we left the residence...

4

How i add people

posted by InvaderGore

I just about add everyone so if you ask i will add you and i add people who are nice to me,who are not haters of Invader ZIM.

who have something i can relate to.
like if they pag-ibig animals,blood,scary movies,Invader ZIM,write poems,cosplaying,anime......

If there a boy or girl i would add them anyway.
and if you ask me if there emo or not isnt emo just a type of music not a person?but i do pag-ibig the fashion.If they cosplay i will defintly add them because that's one of my biggest hobbies.

and here are some tanong i would like to ask plz post them on the comments.

1.do you like Invader ZIM?
2.would you rather read a manga or a chapter book?
3.are you a a,b,c,d,f student?
4.what do you do in spare time?

1

iugnay and Yemen

posted by mikla23

last night, Myanmar and Yemen sneeked into Laos Room, and then got on his laptop, Yemen tolled all about it, "it was all Myanmar's Fault" says Yemen, "you was the one that wanted to go in their" says Myanmar when she stands on the table, Jordan and Country Georgia went to the mall, "what should we get?" says Georgia (Country) "nothing but just juice," says Jordan, back at the tower, Yemen got on this link: link "La la lo" says Oman running down the hall, "COME BACK HERE DUDE!!!" shouts Malta when she runs down the hall to follow him, "NEVER!" shouts Oman as He runs down the hall, at 10:00 P.M....

3

We found kalapati

posted by neacontes

We Found Dove

Yellow soap in the washroom
and we're bathing side sa pamamagitan ng side
As your bubble crosses mine
What it takes to come alive

It's the way i'm soaping
I just can't deny
But i've gotta let kalapati go

we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place

Shine a bubble through an open door
kalapati and shampoo i will divide
turn away cause i soap you more
Feel the bubble in my mind

Yellow soap in the washroom
and we're bathing side sa pamamagitan ng side
As your bubble crosses mine mine mine

we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place

we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place
we found kalapati in a soapless place

3

Travelling all the time

posted by ishasinha

My life began in a factory. I was made sa pamamagitan ng various machines. I had a lot of fun. The machines were making me in such a way that there were tickling me. After I achieved a final shape I was loaded onto a truck with many of my mga kaibigan but my best friend was loaded on another truck, which made me a little sad.

I was excited as well. As I was talking to my mga kaibigan the truck suddenly stopped. I got to know that we have reached a gigantic shopping mall. Then we were dispersed in different shops. The one who was carrying did not know where to go so I got a chance to explore the mall. Finally he reached...