I'm afraid. It's like I'm not in my body. I can see myself, and everyone else in the room. Shivering bodies and quivering lips make me anxious and I can see my own eyes fade in color, from a blue to a grey. Im focused on my paleness. Colorless my whole body is is except for the blue and red veins that cover my skinny wrists. I'd always wondered how I would go away from this place, escape. My attention is snagged as the beeper goes flat, I must've been sitting because I got up, an instant weakness behind my knees.
I hear a sudden whimper, I turn my attention to my little sister as I realize she's been in this room the whole time. She's still grasping my lifeless hand, trying to hold onto all she has left of me. Every part of me wants to hug her right now, to kiss her forehead and promise her everything will be okay. I remember that I'm the reasons for her tears tears and I can do nothing, because I'm not really here am I? I didn't know why I was still here in my own little version of a torturous hell watching as my sisters eyes empty. It is the type if emptiness be can not be described. I turn to the windows as orderlies come in, I can't watch what's going to happen next.
Just as second before, where pedestrians had been waking they became stiff into place, traffic lights stopped blinking and all sounds cease. I turn, where there are people around my bed, and my sisters at the door. I know I shouldn't, that any touch could break her right now but I walk over and I touch her hand. It's colder than mine, she's empty. Her body is stiff like everything else. Everything changes suddenly and it takes me a moment to figure out that my body is changing with it. The red and blue veins are disappearing, my hair is growing back, the cheeks that had been ivory earlier regained their rosy Tint and I'm no longer in the bed where I was so helplessly confined to. I'm up, and I know exactly where I am. Nine months ago, the moment my life changed forever. "Alex, it's Leukemia." A voice echoes.
Just as I think I can't watch anymore everything goes black.
So, this is what it feels like to die? What a feeling it is to die.