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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did you get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A ibong dagat rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I got it somewhere n thought i should share it.

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with mga kaibigan in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours sa pamamagitan ng hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all...
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posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so you guy will need a babysitter!


*10 minutos later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 minutos later*
Amber:I wuv tsaa parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are you doing?
Amber:Having a tsaa party!
Ashley:Can I...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect you from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life you wore heavy mittens. If you dial a phone, try to use a remote control, or try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much madami difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much madami difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything you see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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posted by Thecharliejay
Act like a spy / secret agent for the day
Act like you just met your friend for the first time
Act profound
Ad lib
Add some strawberries to your ice cream
Adopt strange mannerisms
Alphabetize the pagkain in your fridge
Announce your candidacy for President.
Annoy total strangers
Apply for a unicorn hunting license
Appreciate everything
Archive the Internet to 3.5" floppy disks (low density of course)
Arrest yourself
Ask a tanong nobody can answer
Ask embarrassing questions
Ask for seconds
Ask people how to pronounce their name
Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
Ask...
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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.


Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable sa pamamagitan ng the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby...
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474 Things To Do When You're Bored


- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a kama of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your unan X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of...
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posted by samuraibond005
I find homework to be arrogant and inefficient. Schools think they are so important that they can dictate whether or not the kid can have time after school for other, also important things. yeah, we learned all this in class and some kids didn't get it, but first of all, it is not like nobody else in the class understood it, segundo of all, they won’t get it any better without a teacher to help, and third of all, if they care enough to get anything out of their education anyway, they will ask somebody for help.
Of course, there are classes in which homework makes sense, such as my AP world...
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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal sa pamamagitan ng conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the kama holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors sa pamamagitan ng your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by energizerbunny
5. Avril Lavigne

Not a tagahanga but she's so skinny!! I've never been skinny in my whole life and will never be.

4. Sophia Bush

She's pretty. She has boobs & a butt, but is not big.

3. Kaya Scodelario

Again with the skinniness. I don't think skinny is all there is, but for someone like me who's never been skinny, it's seems nice! She also has a unique face and her eyes are gorgeous!

2. Katie Cassidy

This girl is just so GORGEOUS!! And looks so classy when she dresses up.

1. Megan Fox

Not a tagahanga but she has to be the DEFINITION of PERFECT! PERFECT face, PERFECT body, just PERFECT!!


Some people are just lucky I guess. <33
posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: you crave attention, you absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, you may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because sa pamamagitan ng being a retard online you can get all the attention you need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If you want to be a retard you must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by ultimatefredde
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something you aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner or later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what you really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, or take her to dinner, also sometimes a card or a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, you wont die...
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posted by Tamar20
Have you ever wanted to annoy someone so bad that they want to kill you? Then this artikulo is right for you! Hahaha. You know I've tried most of them and it does work. :P

1. Use potty humor. Announce to them that you have to go to the bathroom, and that you think that they should go too, as they have been holding it in for quite a while. When they do go to the bathroom, call out to them things like: "Are you doing okay in there?". To make it even madami annoying, if there are other people in the bathroom, proudly announce to them: "My friend is in there," pointing at the bathroom stall. When you...
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posted by Bananaaddict
This listahan was emailed to me. I thought some of them were pretty clever, so I decided to post it. My favorites are 3, 5, 22, and 23! Enjoy. :)

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round mesa was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call you sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"I pag-ibig you, too." = Okay, I sinabi it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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I bet you can't keep up with this oneshot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking down the road when I triped on a napkin. I know. a napkin right? but it was a wet napkin and for some reson my sidewalk is made of tial. so I slid on the napkin and bumped into the worst thing ever. Barney. Why barney was there I don't know. Barney started pag-awit so I shot him. But then cops came. But they giggled like little girls and shot barney them selfs. They then sinabi they would give me a ride. but then I found out one of the cops was that like 12 taon old boy who drove the car in rebecca...
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posted by Thecharliejay
100 Ways to Annoy People
1.Get to know a mga kaibigan bookie and place bets for them. Insist on keeping half of any money they win.
2.Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
3.Call other people "Champ" or "Tiger.". Refer to yourself as "Coach."
4.Drum on every available surface.
5.Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
6.Staple papers together in the middle of the page.
7.Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
8.Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
9.Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
10.Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
11.Insist on giving...
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posted by chattycandy
Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

Guys hate flirts.

A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

"Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual tanong a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

Guys may be flirting around all araw but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics....
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When I don't understand a word, I always go to link to see their silly definitions before I consult an actual dictionary.
I spent some time searching up words, and some of the definitions were hilarious! So here ya go, some of the definitions I found interesting/funny:

link
There's a lot of definitions. My fave one is:
'A place where young, innocent, defencless children are kept prisoner and forced to learn useless stuff like algebra that won't count for fuck when they're old enough to get employed....
multiply out the brackets...
2a(3m+2p+12k-12-90)
...would someone like to explain to me...WHAT...
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