Riku114 Wall

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nagppalabas sa wall ng kasali sa 1-10 at 4827

Riku114 sinabi …
Man I need a new icon but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck tahanan that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD Posted 5 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now 5 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good araw then one word or one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. Posted 6 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO Posted 8 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I honestly cant wait to be tahanan in a little over a week man. Posted 12 days ago
LuceOfTheLight sinabi …
Riku says I have to make my icon Sakamoto. Posted 14 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv 9 days ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
You really should !!!! 6 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered sa pamamagitan ng the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me or when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. Posted 17 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that you don't even really know. 17 days ago
_Aderis_ sinabi …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A Posted 19 days ago
_Aderis_ sinabi …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' or 'rude' or 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but you know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing or two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. Posted 19 days ago
_Aderis_ nagkomento…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. 19 days ago
_Aderis_ nagkomento…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me or whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. 19 days ago
_Aderis_ nagkomento…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think you are bitches or hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) 19 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized Posted 19 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle you and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. Posted 20 days ago
Lusamine nagkomento…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. 20 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Pfft right? 19 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if you guys are interested. Posted 20 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the asno of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest Posted 21 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest 21 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I dunno, its just hard for me to balutin my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person madami than anything. 21 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot madami than I am required to do 21 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
And its like???? Wow??? 21 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. You can come out and make tsaa if you really want it Posted 28 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three segundos nakaraan :v 28 days ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
FYI Lucille is a tsaa addict 28 days ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
uy dudes, for Mental Health Awareness buwan I might try to post a few versions of DID tanong and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
It is a good feeling when your old friend you had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent mga kaibigan left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Imma ramble about some just walang tiyak na layunin DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless you are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go Posted 1 month ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not 1 month ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at you :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact or revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v 1 month ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets Nawawala in time 1 month ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Oh uy dude! I have a tuktok Contributor thing now on my club's tahanan page! Thats actually pretty cool XD Posted 2 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Its kind of nice being tahanan and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - ibingiay my middle sister isnt also tahanan Posted 2 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
You know a lot of you guys are actually like a genuine family to me madami than yall probably think you all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - or at least didn't firmly split / solidify - before Fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around you guys like one would with family Posted 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression or did I just dissociate from it? Posted 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
Ohhhh man. Relatable 2 months ago
2ntyOnePilots sinabi …
Ok so... I hav3 a tanong that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? Posted 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Aye drop sa pamamagitan ng any tanong XD 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; Posted 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ 3 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
all the best for you ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I lowkey pag-ibig that the araw I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The araw my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD Posted 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Inb4 "Oh looks like you just have a brain tumor" 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Honestly if any of you guys have any tanong on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate tanong Posted 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
I have a question. Did you ever finish the artikulo you wrote, and where might I find it? Lol 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my listahan of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD 3 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. Posted 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou Posted 3 months ago
Economnomnomics nagkomento…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could you forget about me, Riku. 3 months ago
Economnomnomics nagkomento…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Man I had a four araw weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done Posted 3 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
^ 3 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I puwang out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands or arms or away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. Posted 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four or five years now Posted 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! 4 months ago
simrananime sinabi …
Joined^^ Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Aye sweet 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
That feeling when you were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that you THOUGHT you were fully present for some parts cause you forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille or Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Like.... when you have madami than one present up in the front and are dissociated, you cant really get into life and do exactly what you want to do regularly. You cant REALLY perceive all your emotions or your needs or the world around you cause even if you are semi-present, its like there is an overload and you only get half of whats being picked up. You are kind of stuck at a skin deep level 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Once again, I'm really happy to see you like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! 4 months ago
heart
GDragon612 sinabi …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Thanks XD 4 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
ya welcome XD 4 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
throws 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
"I honestly just see myself madami of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from anime characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three or four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if you were to ask me. Posted 4 months ago
heart
GDragon612 sinabi …
just one madami tagahanga then you got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics juice =3) Posted 4 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
hwaiting*-*<3 4 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
will open<<< 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
MY FIANCE sinabi I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS Posted 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Yeee! One madami person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Me: Man I never write artikulo anymore. I still have like three or four half completed artikulo to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for Pagsulat and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand or two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. Posted 4 months ago
Lusamine sinabi …
Joined! Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Welcome! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend Posted 4 months ago
Lusamine nagkomento…
I know, I was sad too. 4 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
;-; 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly sa pamamagitan ng that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck sa pamamagitan ng myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so you can take a break once and a while would be great Posted 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples you have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family or Friends, irl People or Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed you towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to you and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my tahanan for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which you couldn't tell if you'd win or lose...I am grateful to you Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat papkorn and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards tsaa and prutas since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some prutas and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Im not living am I? Posted 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Man I havent posted on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. Posted 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Relatable XD !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Im in pag-ibig Posted 5 months ago
GDragon612 nagkomento…
with your boyfriend or your birds Rikubun <3 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
#TripleLove !!!! 4 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? Posted 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
link 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Personally, I identify madami masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with madami male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE tagahanga of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once you get past 38D its really not ligtas to bind 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
“I wish we met before they convinced you life is war.” Posted 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Relatable !!!! 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I have a cheese addiction tbh Posted 5 months ago
Zeppie nagkomento…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated mozzarella I find this relatable v: 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
^^ 5 months ago
JetBlack__ sinabi …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
XD Im alright man XD 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good music to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't you think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord or something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. Posted 5 months ago
2ntyOnePilots nagkomento…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 4 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; Posted 5 months ago
JetBlack__ nagkomento…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and mangarap ng gising up different potential characters legit for the susunod 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff Posted 5 months ago
BlueDopamine nagkomento…
ok, Anna 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
:vv Dont call me sa pamamagitan ng my first name 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Or well real name I suppose XD 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a walang tiyak na layunin appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this or Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD 5 months ago
Rihanna312 nagkomento…
Welp, this is the third taon when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if you have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck Posted 5 months ago
JetBlack__ nagkomento…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
"There is no victory for the passive" Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Fresh Owari no Seraph bista sa tagiliran Posted 5 months ago
Shukuya nagkomento…
Looks cool! 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! 5 months ago
JetBlack__ nagkomento…
It’s perfect. 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's dyaket in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minutos later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, you just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. Posted 5 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
After all these, anyone who still can't see you being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
YES I AM STILL THE reyna OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the araw before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly pag-ibig my fiance. The madami I think about it, the madami of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Im just lucky to have him 5 months ago
Zeppie nagkomento…
So sweet ❤ 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get madami of the series in the future but I dunno Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best mga kaibigan with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot or something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including mga kaibigan of mine at the time. 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I remember some of my other mga kaibigan at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Legit my first PROOF backed Nawawala memory and its kinda..... odd?? 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Bruh solid pasko this year. Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I honestly hate wasting time 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. 5 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations or not 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
uy guys I'm not dead I swear Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? Posted 5 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be madami fun just to chill with my boi 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for madami than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forums and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can madami accurately ulat it Posted 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I might be kind of between fragments or something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting Fanpop walang tiyak na layunin tanong because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. Posted 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
SAIX DESERVES madami pag-ibig Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered sa pamamagitan ng my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years nakaraan and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I sinabi I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered sa pamamagitan ng it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I recover from rather fast 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
sa pamamagitan ng the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Tfw you have to talk with your therapist over why something you know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and you just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because you were freaking out over something I told you was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY split and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD Or maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor or anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
TFW you lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 tanong longer than the one you will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minutos to spare when you really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental puwang - either that or briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that you were madami attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep you alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five segundos in 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having or only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot madami then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an oras break XD 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Man going through your tumblr (a place you only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause you know you had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL OR BE HERE." Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck You And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that araw XD 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
tfw you went to the nearby campus market to get madami Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an oras after you come back you just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! You want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Was gonna make my bista sa tagiliran "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. Posted 6 months ago
TheLefteris24 nagkomento…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
... I just realized now after pagbaba 'scientific literature' for an Animal Science Assignment a few weeks nakaraan that I find pagbaba "scientific literature" for psychiatry and psychology as just like... a hobby XD Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Just a reminder of the stream on Saturday 2 PM Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
On another note, getting a double major in Animal Science (Avian and Behavior specialization) and Psychology in 4 years seems a lot easier than Pre-Vet in 3.5 years XD Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR FUCKS SAKE FINALLY THE AMBIGUOUS PIECES OF ANIMAL SCIENCE MATCHED. Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Okay so like I am going to complete my major in Animal Science, Avian Science Specialization and BEHAVIOR Disciplinary Focus. All of that is necessary for the Animal Science degree btw. A specialization and a Disciplinary Focus. But listen here - Im either going to minor or double major in psychology just like I used to plan to for the majority of my middle / highschool career and carry on to get a Doctorate in Animal Behavior and / or Psychology and then go into research for the both of them and essentially try to bridge the tanong marks between animal and human psychology and see how the two could better develop, grow, and understand when looked at each other in a parallel manner. 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
This solves a lot of my issues and pretty much combines my main two interests, obsessions, overwhelming passions, and ties in my otherwise 'random' goals into a larger circle. Like one of the issues with being a Veterinarian was that I felt I would get bored being specialized in that and just working commercially and I wouldnt be learning at the rate I like to. My brain would get bored and Id start to feel like life is dull. As for genetics and convservation, it just seems fun but half baked. I wasnt passionate or THAT curious about it. BUT WHEN YOU GO INTO ANIMAL BEHAVIOR AND PSYCHOLOGY, THEY ARE BOTH HUGE PASSIONS OF MINE AND THEY ARE BOTH RATHER UNEXPLORED TERRITORIES SO THERE IS A LOT OF tanong AND THINGS TO FIGURE OUT 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Okay enough of me being a nerd. I just felt some of youd be curious XD 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
But yeah for those of you that dont fully understand how problematic dissociative amnesia is when getting mental help

Therapy: So how was your week?

Me: ??????? I can check my notes if you like????????

Psychiatry: Okay lets track your progress. In the past two weeks have you felt this?

Me: ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Me: WHAT IS TWO WEEKS. HOW COULD I REMEMBER THE PAST TWO WEEKS. MAYBE IVE BEEN GOOD MAYBE I HAVENT WHO KNOWS Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
I can probably maybe answer for "The past two days" confidently at best XD 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
On a segundo note, we have a "stale" (someone who joined the band post-Summer Retreat) and my motherly "adoptive" instincts kicked in and I think he thought I was an "upper" / "returner" for a bit until I was like "Oh yeah Im new too so I know how you feel" Posted 6 months ago
BlueDopamine sinabi …
97th. Was waiting to be the 100th, but knowing the growing community fanpop's active members number , this might take forever. Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Understandable XD 6 months ago
Riku114 nagkomento…
Honestly Ive Nawawala a member or two so its kinda been staying around 95-97 for the past long while 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
Me: *rambling about nakaraan mental states to boyfriend* Ah... 10th grade was like the most peaceful taon even though I dont remember any of it.

Me: ....

Me: .... maybe it wasn't peaceful after all and I only say it was because of all the years, I dont remember any of 10th grade. Posted 6 months ago
Riku114 sinabi …
My boyfriend is too cute to be depressed or mopey when talking to on video chat Posted 6 months ago
BlueDopamine nagkomento…
I'm so halaya 6 months ago