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Fan fiction by nichole22 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Inside the mind of a teen that is grounded!



Alone in my room, is where I will sit,
never before had I thrown such a fit.
stories and stories, I lied through my teeth,
hoping for a glimpse at a sign of relief.

They pushed and they pushed, until I gave in,
sa pamamagitan ng now I should know that I never will win.
then came the punishment, for what I had done,
whatever it is it shall not be fun.

Everything's gone, no seeing nice weather,
for these susunod two weeks are gunna feel like forever.
With nothing to do, god forbid I should read,
but that's what they want, never follow their lead.

Just staring at walls, my but falls asleep,
there is nothing but silence not even a peep.
My TV is off, but I see people moving,
no bother to me it's actually quite soothing.

What am I saying? I think I've gone mad,
it's only three days and my life's already sad.
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Fan fiction by nichole22 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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one araw i went hollywood and saw taylor lautner, made out and my friend got jelous tryed to make out with robbert pattison and told her to f-of she got angry and kicked him were the sun dont shine. me and taylor were going out then she tryed to crash thios party were in din't work and got arested and we brock her out. she went round my back and made out with taylor, i kicked HER were the sun don't shine she cryed in pain she got a gun tryed to kill me i called the cops she killed them so i used my awsome looks against her and stabed her in the eye she got pissed and killed taylor so i killed her mom. foung her in the bin halik a daga who was biting her lip she got rabies and died. i got married to robbert and had three kids called bella, edward and jacob and lived happyliy ever after.
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Opinion by EFiltness posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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A relative sent this to me... I found it hilarious, I hope you do to!

'The pasta Diet'


The pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN pasta DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walk pasta da bakery.

2... You walka pasta da kendi store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4. You walka pasta da mesa and fridge.

You will lose weight!

AND....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer puso attacks than
the English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer puso attacks than the English.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer puso attacks than the English.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
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Opinion by hm94991 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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I found this link - I dont take credit for it. XD-enjoy.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."

4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

8. Practice making fax and modem noises.

9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
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List by rachell_32 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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ah, idk if i am supposed to mention this but i didn't write this! it was sent to me sa pamamagitan ng email :D

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ``oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ``Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read tanong aloud, pagtatalo your sagot with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, ``I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.'' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutos into it, loudly say to the instructor, ``I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?''
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Opinion by meeee posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Didn't know if this should be a pagtitip. or soapbox so I tossed a coin and john don't even think about commenting about the title.
Oh and got it off my cousins bebo page.




1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2)Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Gregg. How's your araw been"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up,then scream,"That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) ilipat your mesa into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
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Opinion by meeee posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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These are genuine clips from British Council flat (apartment) tenants
complaining to the Council about problems with their flats

1. My palumpong is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made sa pamamagitan ng the man on tuktok of me every
night.

6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

8. My lavatory upuan is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am Pagsulat on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
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Opinion by knifewrench posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Yes, it's that magical time of taon again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to apoy at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long tabing-dagat , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.





And now, the honorable mentions:





2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland Nawawala a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a
little shopping around, naisumite a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also Nawawala a finger. The chef's claim was approved.




3. A man who shoveled snow for an oras to clear a puwang for his car during a blizzard in
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Opinion by Lila856 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Delivery
A married couple go to a hospital to get their baby delivered. The doctor says that there is a new invention that transfers some of the pain to the father but it's dangerous as no man could handle even 30% of that pain. The husband accepts the offer because he loves his wife, and the pain transfer is set to 10%. The man feels nothing at all & the wife feels less pain.
"Turn it up!" sinabi the married man.
They turn it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. The doctor is really shocked but he says if it's working, why waste it? They turn it slowly from 30%, to 40% then to 50%. He still feels absolutely nothing.
"GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN!" sinabi the man.
The doctor put the pain transfer to 100% and he felt nothing. The delivery was a success, and with no pain delt to either the husband or wife.
When the couple came back from the hospital, they found the mailman dead on their porch.

Anniversary Gift
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
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Opinion by Lila856 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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"Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
"Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

He: So what do you do for a living?
She: Female impersonator.

"Is this upuan empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"So, wanna go back to my place?"
"Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"


"What sign were you born under?"
"No Parking."

"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."


"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

"Hey, baby, What's your sign?"
"Stop."

"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."

"I'd go through anything for you."
"Good! Let's start with your bank account."

"I would go to the end of the world for you."
"Yes, but would you stay there?"

Q: Does beauty run in your family?
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Opinion by alinazeer posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. then he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," sinabi the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," sinabi the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" sinabi the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."



Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking account."

To which the astonished woman replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having sinabi this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her problem customer.
...
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Opinion by knifewrench posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Bill Gates gave a speech at a High School about eleven things they did not and will not learn in school.

He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a taon right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
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