Left Alone
Raising her hands she sinabi “Just shut the hell up! I have listened enough to your bullshit! Why can’t you just listen to your parents once?” her voice was so loud that even neighbours could listen it, it wasn’t a new thing for Musa, she was used to it. “I am not a kid anymore mom, why don’t you get it? I pag-ibig music and I can’t leave it and what’s the problem in it? I am doing and always did whatever hell you asked me, actually you never asked, you ordered me to do.” With big shocked eyes her mom was staring her, she was about to say something when Musa cut her and continued “You will never know the value of me, I wish you could just understand me and accept me the way I am” she was weeping and her eyes were red, she was sad but was mad at her life on the same time.
“Oh! Just stop the drama now and go to your room, I am not gonna trap sa pamamagitan ng seeing your crocodiles tears. You have become such an spoilt child and all thanks to you (she pointed towards Musa’s father). This man made you such an jerk (his father didn’t sinabi a word cause he knew if he would then situation could be worse, so he kept quiet and saw whatever was happening)” she wasn’t getting or say she don’t wanted to understand or listen to her.
Musa went to her room, she opened her diary which she named “Flutter”, it was of green color with white floral disensyo on it.
January 1, 2011
Dear Flutter,
I wasn’t in mood to write down in you that’s why I left you alone (actually myself) for a few days and I am really sorry for that. Maybe it’s stupid of me that sometimes I forget that I got no one with whom I can share my feelings with, it’s you who’s always there for me and always listen to me. As Anne Frank sinabi “Papers are madami patient than People” and I find it 1OO% true it should be considered a fact I guess.
Today I don’t wanna write anything about her, it’s a waste of time because she is not going to change and always thinking of what she do to me makes me madami and madami upset. I am simply gonna tell you about my school (which is not less than hell to me) and I feel nothing not even a single thing is good in my life except of you,music and my internet mga kaibigan (their words seems madami sensitive towards me than my real mga kaibigan who actually don’t deserve to be called my friends)
As usual I went to school, and as usual no one came to talk to me until we enter our class after prayer. And as usual the person who came to talk to me wasn’t actually talking she wanted my help so that she could complete her homework before the last araw of submission.
I feel madami of a worker than a student, nobody comes to talk to me until they need me, and I refuse to them these days, I am no longer a sweet helper now and they got a shock from that. They’ll need to find someone else now I guess. A girl came to me for the same purpose and I refused her too, “What the hell do you think of yourself? Why on earth you aren’t helping me” she yield as if I was her personal slave for her whole student life. “Excuse me you dwarfy (She was kinda small and my anger was on ulap 9, so I sinabi meanly) what the hell you think of me? I am not your assistant and if you don’t want me to kick your asno than back off! (She was speechless after the way I replied her back). “How...h-....you weren’t like this, you are not Musa!” she screamed and left”
I really was changed and who wouldn’t after getting what she never expected in her worst nightmare. I somehow made a friend who always had some conditions with her, sometimes I felt like I am working with a shampoo company girl who always says “conditions apply)” but I had no choice I needed someone so that I won’t feel ‘alone’ but the fact was even though she was with me yet I felt isolated and sad, I am focusing on my studies only cause I don’t have anything else, mom wants me to act like a pure girl, what she exactly wants from me is to learn cooking, behave like a girl. But you know me flutter right? I can’t giggle all the time, neither cooking has anything to do in my life, I hate it honestly, but she’s right (I gotta accept it) on this cause I should learn that, I had a little but I hate it I can’t do anything in that.
I had crush on a guy since last 3 years but I didn’t dared to tell and I think I did good, I liked him because he was sweet and helpful to everyone, the main reason was he was honest, he’s changed now, I know at this age everyone change it’ s puberty dude, we can’t do anything. But I don’t like this new Riven, he’s rather mean and selfish. He don’t care even if his words hurt anyone, he’s not the same kind hearted guy I used to know. But it’s the segundo reason why I am not feeling guilty that I didn’t proposed him the main reason is that he proposed a girl from the susunod section, she is not that pretty, she’s okay (I am not saying this because I am jealous okay?) She’s less pretty than me, though no one will ever accept this fact as they haven’t seen the “pretty me “which comes only on especially occasions, they have seen “tomboy Musa” and I don’t ipakita anyone “the pretty me” side till they are really important to me.
The craziest and thing why I feel pity on Riven is he choose a girl who didn’t got “brains” and I mean it, she don’t even know who’s president of our country. Isn’t that a shame?
My Life sucks without internet, you and music, honestly it does. I didn’t visited my fandom today due to my busy schedule but I will tomorrow and I will tell you about it tomorrow.
Till then take care.
With loads of love
Musa