serye ng takip-silim Article: A Twilight Hater's Review of New Moon

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posted by shieldmaiden

The lobo clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.

The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.

Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. You can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, you know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and you hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Bampira do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole matunog na halik down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all you Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Bampira on Buffy.

The lobo Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the mga lobo (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the lobo clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So you can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. You Team Jacob fans, I now consider you semi-sane because you recognized a HEALTHY relationship. pagpaparangal to you guys.

Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely sa pamamagitan ng her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her mga kaibigan at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even madami with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole taon older than your 107 taon old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to pag-ibig you anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected sa pamamagitan ng any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in pag-ibig with you throws you into a glass mesa for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons you in the forest. A car ride tahanan would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass mesa for her protection? That was totally safe. You know, because she was bleeding even madami profusely after the mesa than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started ipinapakita up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to you like that you can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I pag-ibig you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, or whenever anyone sinabi Bella was pagganap crazy. If anyone spoke reason or a plot point appeared, it did not ipakita again.

Lupin's lobo Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those mga lobo were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even madami laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want you to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If you don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face manuntok high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.

Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. You Team Jacobers, you got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless you want a really good laugh then sa pamamagitan ng all means do. Oh and one madami thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!

No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this halik is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.

No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.

Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.

xoPixie-Popxo, groovychicklisa and 10 others like this

rachaelwsz Lol. You've got great points there. But personally, I felt that the New Moon movie was better. What made me really dislike the Twilight movie was the terribly crappy script. (Think the spider monkey lines.) Oh, not forgetting the very disappointing special effects. (Sparkles- FAIL!) Btw, I've linked your article to the [url=http://www.fanpop.com/spots/critical-analysis-of-twilight] Critical Analysis of Twilight[/url] spot, better known as the CAT spot. ;) Check out the spot if you haven't.

shieldmaiden Didn't know that existed! Thanks! I've joined :) And the only reason that I found the first movie slightly better (by a very very small margin) than this one is because there was some semblance of a plot present. Not much though, but if you looked it was kinda there.

OCFan123 After reading this article...I really love you :) But I agree with rachelwsz, I thought this movie was better. But thats just me.

rachaelwsz @shieldmaiden I would agree with you about the weak plot presence in the New Moon movie. But if I were to compare both the movies, I still think New Moon was better overall. The CAT spot rules. ;)

XDRoseLuvsHP Haha, if you thought the movie was bad, you should see the book! E.P.I.C.F.A.I.L. Love the review :D

Impulse85 I love the fact that you made the Volturi part of the Pro part of the movie, b/c honestly, that's the only reason I went to go see the movie. I love the Volturi, they're a great set of characters that got caught in a crappy and pointless book. That's a shame to, they really should have a spin off. I'd buy that book!!!

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Visions Chp. 8

posted by 2bearz

sorry its so short! doing a change in my writin. instead of skippin a whole chunk of the story im startin off exactly where I stopped! yea me!

I used the first spell that came into my mind, the one I use to freeze someone, no matter where they are. It worked perfectly, and he was nagyelo in mid-jump, with his mouth open revealing very sharp looking teeth.

When I was done I breifly remembered giving a charm to Bella that would protect her from any harm or evil, but that wasn't what was filling my mind. What was filling it was WHAT THE HELL IS ALEX DOING HERE?! and in the Cullens living room, about...

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Kayla, Chapter 23

posted by twilight-7

As you will have noticed I pag-ibig cliffhangers. I pag-ibig to write them but I felt slightly mean after giving you like three in a row. So here, I have posted this on early. It wasn't supposed to go on til later but as I sinabi I felt mean. So here it is.

Emmett was obviously taller than me. Edward would never have hurt me. He had calculated his attack well. He would soar over me and get Emmett in the face. But not if I got Edward first. As soon as Edward’s feet left the floor I was up in the air. We met mid-air crashing into each other. I put all my strength and force (and possibly used some telekinesis)...

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Surprise for Bella - One Shot

posted by dinosteph

uy guys.
This is a short piece that I wrote for the contest, but apparently it's not going to be happening, so I decided to post it anyways.

I'm sure I could have expanded it, but I was trying to stay in the 1500 word limit, and I think I like it better this way.

“Are your eyes closed” He whispered from behind, sending shivers down my neck.

“Yes!” I grumbled, my hands on tuktok of his, which were covering my eyes.

“Promise” He whispered again

“I promise!” I laughed , my body tingling from the contact.

He dropped his hands and I felt him ilipat from behind to face me, I'm assuming to make...

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Visions Chp. 7

posted by 2bearz

here's the story, its a lil like Breaking Dawn but watevr!

I was in the Cullen's living room again with Bella. After I told Sam a huge fight happened and now the pack was split in two, and Jacob had his own pack with Leah, Seth, Embry and Quil in it. Since I was Seth's imprint and had no problem what so ever with the Cullens I was now staying there and was to protect Bella while Jacob's pack circulated the area, and Sam's pack was protecting their tahanan on the Quiluete rez.

" So, Nizhoni...you never did tell me how you beat Edward in a match when you're human." Bella sinabi with a questioning look...

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Kayla, Chapter 20

posted by twilight-7

I didn't make you guys wait too long, did I? If I did I am truly sorry. Here we go then, Chapter 20. Will this series ever end?

The first chance I got I visited Charlie. I got a shock when I visited Charlie. Jacob and Billy were there, Jacob sitting on the hospital chair and Billy in his wheelchair. The biggest shock was that Charlie was sitting up, laughing and joking. This man had just had a fit yesterday and here he was telling dirty jokes to his best friend and his son. Jacob was the first to see me standing in the doorway and watching them with wide eyes.
“Hey Kayla,” he greeted me with...

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My Dark Days Chapter 3 : Can My Pathetic Excuse For A Life Go On?

posted by bitten_byedward

Ch 3

All I remember was that I couldn't breathe and I blacked out.

Then, I had a nightmare. I was in the meadow. Edward and I. We were intwined. He was halik my neck and I was panting. Then, he just disappeared. He was just gone. Nowhere to be found. I was crying. I couldn't breathe, again. I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't see. Everything was a blur. Then, Victoria appeared. She was running at me. Then, I screamed.

I had woken up to find Charlie sitting susunod to me, shaking me furiously, trying to wake me up.

"Are you okay? What's the mateur? Where is he? You tell me where he...

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Unchained Melody: Chapter Two

posted by SaraE

"Sometimes pag-ibig isn't enough"

Those were the last words I ever heard Jacob Black say. At first, I didn’t care. For three years I didn’t care. I was too dark and thirsty to care about any of my past. I almost forgot some of it. I almost forgot him.

It’s been ten years and those fears of mine came true. The Volturi wanted me to sumali them and I refused. But they didn’t play nice. No, they didn’t, not at all. Instead of letting me walk away, sorry that I had refused their offer, they gave me an ultimatum. Either I joined them or the Cullen’s died. This time, they didn’t find a way out....

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Twilight Becoming too Much?

posted by SaveMe620

Fanmade Poster made sa pamamagitan ng me

Fanmade Poster made by me

Hasn't anyone else really noticed that Twilight may be going a little overboard? It just seems that with all the attention and merchandise and whatnot, it's becoming madami like another High School Musical movie.
Not Good.
Now that New Moon is coming, all these actors and musicians want to part of all the hype.
I just wish that Twilight stayed it's small Indie film. That's what I loved most about it was that they got a lot of actors that hardly anyone knew.
I knew who Cam, Edi, Rob, Kristen, Taylor, Billy Burk, Kellen, Nikki were before Twilight.
But what about you guys?
There's a ton of people...

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Visions Chp. 6

posted by 2bearz

Sorry guys, school, and a bunch of othr pitiful excuses u dont wanna hear so here is the story!

I was sitting around with the Carlisle, Alice, Esme, Peter and charlotte in the living room. They had all told me of the Volturi and what they do, and I told them all about me and my special abilities. Oh yea, Edward had rushed Bella back to her house the minuto he heard Peter and Charlotte's thoughts, knowing that they weren't like him and his family. Apparently he had taken her back to her house to her father, where no doubt Charlie had gone berserk.

" Carlisle? If you don't mind I think I should...

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Kayla, Chapter 16

posted by twilight-7

Enjoy!!

I ran home. I didn’t want to delay this anymore. I was already thinking of turning back and running into Edward’s waiting arms but I knew I had to do this. I had to ipakita Charlie that I wasn’t taking any of his crap. If I had to leave then I would. I got a shock when I saw his cruiser parked at the house. I was hoping I could pack my case and write a note saying I was leaving. I didn’t really want to do it when he was there. I opened the door as quietly as I could and sneaked inside. I shut the door slowly and carefully so it didn’t creak and tip-toed across to the stairs. I...

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Kayla, Chapter 15

posted by twilight-7

This is short but I just wanted to get through it quickly. I didn't want to write it but it had to happen.

My brilliant plan that sounded absolutely brilliant wasn’t so amazing when I sat and thought about it. It seemed quite simple when I first thought of it. What was the only way Charlie would have no control over me? The answer was my mother. My plan was to go back to England, where my mother was, and Charlie could no longer have a say in what I did. Edward would follow me and he could bring his whole family to London if he wanted to. But the madami I thought about it, the madami I knew it...

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My Valentine - Chapter 3

posted by dinosteph

End of Chapter 2

“Bella.” Edward said, nudging me.

“Wha?!” I jumped, immediately closing my eyes again. “What time is it?” I asked, referring to the bright sun that managed to find its way through the tinted windows.

“Around 10:30” He said, as he turned off the highway, down a bumpy dirt road, causing me to jump in my seat.

“This...looks...romantic..” I laughed to myself, looking out the window at the thousands of trees surrounding us.

“Well we're not there yet” He laughed to himself, taking my hand in his. “It's sorta...out of the way. I figured privacy would be important,...

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Midnight sun Chapter 2 Suprise

posted by H20girlH20

i woke up like at 8:09 i was walking to the kitchen. i saw Esme and Carlise. also Rosalie and Emmett. "good moring" "hi Karina how was you're sleep?" sinabi Emmett. "fine thanks for telling me" i sinabi "were bella and Edward also Renesemmen?" i sinabi "well Renesemmen is in her room, and Edward and Bella are outside hunting." sinabi Esme. i heard footsteps it was renesemmen "hi aunt Karina.!!" sinabi renesemmen. i smiled. Esme pulled out tinapay "here you go." she sinabi "thanks" i cried. i saw the door open it was Bella and Edward. "Bella!!!! Edward" i yelled i ran up and gave them a hug. "hi Karina."...

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Kayla, Other Versions of Chapter 10

posted by twilight-7

As you know I sinabi I did two other versions of Chapter 10. Foreveryours asked if I could post them on and I thought 'Why not?' so here it is. You will see some similaraties between them and Chapter 10 but you know I kinda merged them together to make Chapter 10. These versions will not be accounted for in the continuation of the Kayla series. They are posted on here entirely for your interest as to how things could have turned out. They both start out the same way as Chapter 10. So here it goes!

[Note: I didn't call Edward 'The Lion' until the final Chapter 10. In the vampire version he is...

20

Kayla, chapter 8

posted by twilight-7

Edward's thoughts - bold
Kayla's thoughts - italics

I had managed to make it through a whole buwan of school without anything unusual happening. The murders had seemed to stop. No one in or around Forks had been killed so maybe the newborn had learned not to kill so often or someone had dealt with it. I felt kind of disappointed that I hadn’t been able to go after it and teach it a thing or two. I think it would be quite fun battling a newborn but since it decided to stop I guess I’ll just have to wait. Edward and I continued to have our silent conversations. It was weird, him being inside...

4

The Twilight Director's Guide?

posted by bellafan6246

News have spread and the Twilight's director, is releasing a book called the "Director's Notebook" which includes the "How we made Twilight" of wardrobe, cast, behind-the-scenes-photos and more. The novel is expected to be on the shelves with the Twilight movie on March 17, 2009.

Something fun to do?

Check out the forums for the Bella Bash info contest!

Info from:
link

Cover Picture (bigger here): link

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Moonlight - Chapter Eleven

posted by Twilight_F

Here is chapter 11.. Sorry teh others have been short!!!! Hope you like it. Please read, rate, comment and Enjoy!!!!

CHAPTER 11

Edward’s POV

I don’t know why I ran, but I did. And now that I think about it, it was one of the stupidest things I did.
I was nearly half way tahanan when I heard someone following me, so I went even faster.
“Edward, I pag-ibig you” She screamed. I stopped abruptly. Then I thought about it.
“Bella?” I sinabi in my head, confused.
“I pag-ibig you” I felt the force that she put into it. She was struggling madami than me.
I ran back and stopped about a hundred ft away from...

21

Kayla, Chapter 6

posted by twilight-7

here it is!

Edward's thoughts are in bold and Kayla's in italics.

I looked at Dr Cullen, worried I had put him a difficult situation. I wanted to explain to him that he didn’t need to leave, that I wasn’t going to blab to the whole town about what he and his family were. But how could I tell him?
I looked down at the dead man on the floor. I knew that this wasn’t an animal attack. The Azdi part of me was telling me this, ipinapakita me the difference between an animal attack and a vampire attack. I also knew that this was no ordinary vampire attack. It was too messy.
“Dad, I’m going outside.”...

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Kayla, Chapter 4

posted by twilight-7

So here it is, Chapter 4.

I opened my eyes and the first thing I noticed was that the pain in my head had gone. I sighed with relief and the segundo thing I noticed was that I could count all the cracks on the ceiling. I smiled. I sat up and realised that I was on my bed. I looked at the clock and saw it was eight in the morning. I groaned and jumped out of bed. I landed lightly on my feet. I quickly threw on a clean pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I brushed my hair as fast as I could and shoved on the first pair of socks I could find. I ran downstairs and into the kusina and found Charlie eating...

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Kayla, Exlanation for the Confused

posted by twilight-7

READ BEFORE GOING ON TO CHAPTER 4!!

Ok so some of you were confused sa pamamagitan ng Kayla’s purpose. Do not fret. An explanation of what her purpose, why she has to protect people, and basically everything Charlie sinabi to her is coming up now.

Kayla is an Azdi. These are a race of people that protect humans. That is there sole purpose. They protect humans from any attack sa pamamagitan ng a supernatural being. For example, if a Nahadriah was on the loose running around like a mad man killing innocent humans, the nearest Azdi to the place where the killings were taking place would deal with the creature sa pamamagitan ng either destroying...