Serena
"You have no idea what I've gone through!" the girl tearfully screams at me.
"You're right. I don't. I have no idea what you've gone through, but that doesn't mean I don't care," I say calmly.
"Why would you care? You don't even know me."
"And you don't know me. How would you know that I don't?"
Kayla hesitates a little before answering.
"Because sometimes, not even being related to someone is enough to make them want to care. My own goddamned mother didn't even stick around long enough for me to remember what she even looks like!"
"Growing up must have been pretty awkward."
"You have no idea," Kayla says, grimacing a little.
"I apparently never do."
**************************************************
"I had to sit on the edge of the bathtub and listen to my dad read out the instructions on a box of Tampax," she continues, cracking a small smile. A blanket is wrapped around her shoulders, and we're waiting for her to be examined.
I watch Jamie and Ashleigh play with the small tsaa mesa in the corner. Kayla's eyes follow my gaze.
"Is that your daughter?" Kayla asks me, unexpectedly.
"Yes."
"You look really young for a mom."
"I'm twenty-three. I had her when I was twenty."
"It wasn't planned, was it?"
"No. My boyfriend was helping me ilipat in and it went way too far. I ran away when I found out."
"Does he even know?"
"He didn't." The words are heavy in my mouth.
"What do you mean sa pamamagitan ng 'didn't'?" she asks curiously.
"I saw him in a playground today."
Kayla's eyes widened and said, "You have a very unorthodox life, you know that, right?"
"Yeah. Kinda like you."
"Pretty much," she admits.
**************************************************
"Kayla West?" a studious-looking nurse with a clipboard says.
"Here," I call out.
"Will you come in with me?" Kayla whispers, sounding like a little girl afraid of the dark.
"Only if you want me to."
"You have no idea what I've gone through!" the girl tearfully screams at me.
"You're right. I don't. I have no idea what you've gone through, but that doesn't mean I don't care," I say calmly.
"Why would you care? You don't even know me."
"And you don't know me. How would you know that I don't?"
Kayla hesitates a little before answering.
"Because sometimes, not even being related to someone is enough to make them want to care. My own goddamned mother didn't even stick around long enough for me to remember what she even looks like!"
"Growing up must have been pretty awkward."
"You have no idea," Kayla says, grimacing a little.
"I apparently never do."
**************************************************
"I had to sit on the edge of the bathtub and listen to my dad read out the instructions on a box of Tampax," she continues, cracking a small smile. A blanket is wrapped around her shoulders, and we're waiting for her to be examined.
I watch Jamie and Ashleigh play with the small tsaa mesa in the corner. Kayla's eyes follow my gaze.
"Is that your daughter?" Kayla asks me, unexpectedly.
"Yes."
"You look really young for a mom."
"I'm twenty-three. I had her when I was twenty."
"It wasn't planned, was it?"
"No. My boyfriend was helping me ilipat in and it went way too far. I ran away when I found out."
"Does he even know?"
"He didn't." The words are heavy in my mouth.
"What do you mean sa pamamagitan ng 'didn't'?" she asks curiously.
"I saw him in a playground today."
Kayla's eyes widened and said, "You have a very unorthodox life, you know that, right?"
"Yeah. Kinda like you."
"Pretty much," she admits.
**************************************************
"Kayla West?" a studious-looking nurse with a clipboard says.
"Here," I call out.
"Will you come in with me?" Kayla whispers, sounding like a little girl afraid of the dark.
"Only if you want me to."
Sometimes its Easier to inore the truth
to forget about everything
to sit in a closet and hide forever
Sometimes its Easier, to blame yourself
To think its your falt
To ipakita no emotion
Sometimes It's easier to keep everything inside
to not let anyone know
to hide everything.
To me, Its easier to say something
To talk
to cry
Its easier to Feel Emotions
Anger, rage, Sadness,
but not fear
Fear is my enemey
He wants to take over my mind
Keep me locked up inside.
I'm tired of being scared
I'm tired of being locked in my own world
I'm tired of being a prisoner.
I will not be afraid,
I will not Let him Win
to forget about everything
to sit in a closet and hide forever
Sometimes its Easier, to blame yourself
To think its your falt
To ipakita no emotion
Sometimes It's easier to keep everything inside
to not let anyone know
to hide everything.
To me, Its easier to say something
To talk
to cry
Its easier to Feel Emotions
Anger, rage, Sadness,
but not fear
Fear is my enemey
He wants to take over my mind
Keep me locked up inside.
I'm tired of being scared
I'm tired of being locked in my own world
I'm tired of being a prisoner.
I will not be afraid,
I will not Let him Win
I loved to write songs. These beautiful poems of love, heartbreak, life and misery. I still do. Shame they'll never reach the world as I hoped.
But, life is life and death is well, death. I wish I could still play with Eyes Of The Wolf, my old band. I remember the lullaby I wrote for Jannet when she had nightmares.
'Prr, Prr
Of the Cat on the mat so peaceful
Cheep, Cheep
Of the Bird in the garden so alive
Neigh, Neigh
Of the Horse on the racecourse so matulin
Woof, Woof
Of the Pup in the tulips so playful
But now please my dear Jannet rest
So tomorrow you take life's susunod test'
I still sing it to her every night. But she can't hear me now. Maybe i'm just not pag-awit loud enough. Sometimes she hears me sing a few lines. I know because sometimes when I sing she'll start crying. I don't know why. Maybe she misses me. Or maybe I scare her. I don't know. The world is a very strange place
But, life is life and death is well, death. I wish I could still play with Eyes Of The Wolf, my old band. I remember the lullaby I wrote for Jannet when she had nightmares.
'Prr, Prr
Of the Cat on the mat so peaceful
Cheep, Cheep
Of the Bird in the garden so alive
Neigh, Neigh
Of the Horse on the racecourse so matulin
Woof, Woof
Of the Pup in the tulips so playful
But now please my dear Jannet rest
So tomorrow you take life's susunod test'
I still sing it to her every night. But she can't hear me now. Maybe i'm just not pag-awit loud enough. Sometimes she hears me sing a few lines. I know because sometimes when I sing she'll start crying. I don't know why. Maybe she misses me. Or maybe I scare her. I don't know. The world is a very strange place
Heyy there, I know in my last entry I sinabi I would write on Friday- but I didn't. Theres actually loads of things that have happened to me in the last few days/week. Im not gonna tell you though! I had no comments on the last entry but as soon as I get some feedback im gonna start Pagsulat to you again- Im a very busy person. I go to school, I play football (soccer-(Im english)-) along with my Pagsulat I also sing alot so I have many things to do/practice. Go look for my last entry and you will understand partly why im jabbering on :) pag-ibig to the people of the earth~ Cait xxx- 20th September 2011
The car crash changed my life. It changed so much, that i'm not even living anymore. I walk the earth as a kinderd-spirit. Dead, forever. I follow my family sometimes. At one stage they actually thought they had a mouse infestation. For the one hundredth time i'm sorry I broke your vase,Jannet. My daughter, she loves collecting china and other lovely trinkets and stuff like that. For a sixteen taon old she does have a lot. But Mike on the other hand, he loves cars,wants to become a famous race car driver. I worry for him, making his dreams so young, I did too. And look where it got me! Dead in my husband's car right in front of my kids! Of course, that was many years ago. On the road to becoming a famous song writer.
Prologue
Randall regarded her with pride.His finest.Her skin was ebony-black,her eyes a sinister grey,hair pale,wintry white.She stared at him blankly,her tall,slender frame tense.Randall stroked her cheek and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ears.Lethal,she was.Designed to perfection for the task she was set.Despite the obvious arrogance in her gaze,he deemed her the best."Tell me,who are you?"he tested."Layla"she answered."And I?".
"Master."she said."Tell me,"he asked her,taking her large,clawed hands."how do you use these..assets?"."To serve Master."Randall smiled."Good'he said."Very Good indeed.""How do you do that,my lovely?"he purred.Her eys stared straight ahead."Kill"she whispered."Kill for Master"
Randall regarded her with pride.His finest.Her skin was ebony-black,her eyes a sinister grey,hair pale,wintry white.She stared at him blankly,her tall,slender frame tense.Randall stroked her cheek and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ears.Lethal,she was.Designed to perfection for the task she was set.Despite the obvious arrogance in her gaze,he deemed her the best."Tell me,who are you?"he tested."Layla"she answered."And I?".
"Master."she said."Tell me,"he asked her,taking her large,clawed hands."how do you use these..assets?"."To serve Master."Randall smiled."Good'he said."Very Good indeed.""How do you do that,my lovely?"he purred.Her eys stared straight ahead."Kill"she whispered."Kill for Master"