Now that the wraps have come off, we can finally make a relatively straight comparison between the the Tesla Model E ... er Model 3, the Chevy Bolt, and others in the puwang like the Prius Prime. This pulls no punches, so don't read on if you're a fanboy or irrational.
Tesla Model 3
Pros:
215 mile estimated range
Fun and sporty to drive
Relentless Tesla over-the-air updates. Do NOT underestimate the power of Tesla's OTA updates
Best Autopilot (Semi-self-driving tech) in the industry
Rear-wheel-drive, with optional All-wheel-drive (AWD)
True fully independent suspension for a better ride and handling
Floor-mounted batteries for handling
Panoramic glass roof
Front and rear "trunks" for cargo storage
Tesla brand image
Free Supercharger network
A domestic maker, if you want to buy American, with factories in California and Nevada
Cons:
Ridiculously tiny trunk opening. It's NOT a hatchback, folks, even though it looks like one. Seems like yet another compromise for that panoramic glass roof.
Panoramic glass roof - Elon needs to visit Texas, Florida, etc. ibingiay that the Model X struggles to cool in warm weather, this could get really ugly.
Panoramic glass roof - Some people prefer having metal protecting their heads in a crash, not a sheet of glass
Panoramic glass roof - Probably adds thousand(s) of dollars to the price, hopefully is optional
Curved windshield will cook you in the summer with less crash protection than a metal structure
Tesla's mediocre build quality.
Long-term viability of Tesla (e.g. warranty, parts support) ibingiay that they aren't even profitable and are running on borrowed time and money
Elon's fragile ego makes bizarre decisions sometimes. Witness the carbon fiber panels and narrowed side sills on the Roadster (which nearly bankrupted the company), idiotic, fragile and unreliable palkon Wing doors and stupid, expensive monopost seats on the X (there's a reason the industry only uses those on ipakita cars, Elon; real people want to fold seats and actually have puwang for their feet). We'll have to see how this materializes on the Model 3
Pre-order lunacy - "A fool and his money are soon parted", or "Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet." Most of those pre-orders will kanselahin when they realize they can't make susunod month's rent, that they didn't understand the concept of a tax credit, or that they just pre-ordered something they know nothing about and doesn't have a real trunk opening. Americans following the herd, making large, foolish financial decisions while frothing at the mouth? That could never happen! (uncredited, circa 2008). I'd be surprised if Tesla actually sells and delivers even 1/4th the pre-order amount. There's also the tanong of Tesla is even capable of making that much product. Welcome to the big leagues, gentlemen. Try not to get killed.
Chevy Bolt:
Pros:
200+ mile range
Lower price in the low $30,000 range
True station wagon/Hatchback cargo area
Futuristic looks
Solid performance, at least in a straight line
Low-mounted battery for good handling
American-made, if you care about that
Cons:
Primative torsion-beam rear suspension barely counts as independent rear suspension
Virtually no magpabago after you buy the car. Want susunod year's tech? Chevy has a $33,000 upgrade plan (e.g. buy susunod year's Bolt).
Boring, cheap interior with the same retarded ergonomics as the company that brought you the Camaro's gunslit windows and crotch-facing touch screen and the Silverado's jaunty steering wheel THAT DOESN'T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
Chevy brand not really a plus if you care about that
One trunk, not two
Front-wheel-drive, no AWD option
Chevy/GM helped kill the Red Car mass transit system in LA to sell madami cars; seems a bit weird to buy an electric car from a company so evil like that. I think the saying goes: Forgiveness is divine, but sometimes that mutherfucker needs to die.
When driving or noticing details, you sometimes get the feeling the GM, Ford and Chrysler cut corners, especially in interiors and "engineering" (disclosure: I drive a Gen1 Chevy Volt; it's probably the best built Chevy ever, but they made stupid decisions like 4 seats, no AWD, torsion beam suspension, etc.)
Prius Prime:
Pros:
Toyota quality - you know it's engineered to perfection, bulletproof and will give you 200,000 miles of service
madami fun to drive than before
May have an AWD option in 2017
True independent suspension
"Unlimited" range only limited sa pamamagitan ng your stomach for pumping in foreign oil.
Cons:
Slow as hell, roughly 9 segundos to 60 MPH. Grandma in Costco's power scooter is significantly faster in the quarter mile.
As passionate as a dead fish, and definitely speaks volumes about your fun-loving and fiercely independent personality.
Toyota is incredibly boring and conservative when it comes to autonomous driving technology, among other things. Don't expect ANY magpabago to the primitive self-driving tech. This is a big deal: it's like buying a phone that will never be updated.
Still drives like an elepante corpse - "More fun to drive" is relative; the old Prius was literally one of the worst cars in the world to drive. The Prime is better, but it's not even close to a sports sedan. It's like saying your dog's shit smells "less bad". But but but the badge is the same height as the FR-S's badge! AMAZINGS!
Cheap interior with bizarre white console (you'll understand when you see it.. Toyota should apoy that designer)
Imported
Polarizing looks, some would call it ugly. sa pamamagitan ng "some", I mean "all people."
Slanted hatchback cuts into cargo area, but it's still worlds better than the Model 3's trunk "hole"
Wheels look midget-sized; apoy that designer... again
Only 20 miles of battery range. After that, you're running on pollution-spewing oil
If anything goes wrong, get ready to be blamed because you're a "filthy, stupid American" (see: Toyota upuan sinturon failures, oil gelling, sudden acceleration, Tataka airbag shrapnel)
Apple Titan:
Pros:
Looks great.
Feels great.
Comes in an amazing box.
Charger plugs in right side up, or upside down, because, you know, people are idiots, apparently.
Plays a cools sound when you turn it on.
Has independent touch screens for each passenger so that you can ignore your spouse and children in the precious moments you have together and instead check Farcebook updates.
Semi-autonomous driving powered sa pamamagitan ng mansanas Maps.
Cons:
Semi-autonomous driving powered sa pamamagitan ng mansanas Maps: You will die.
You can't service the battery, motors, pumps, fluids, tires, brakes nor wipers. You cannot pop the hood. It's all glued, welded, and sealed to hell since mansanas knows everyone's a moron and cannot be trusted to actually do anything on their own. Car is disposable and designed to be obsolete in 2 years.
Batteries will explode, but Applecare will send your widow a refurbished used replacement car.
In the event that your battery doesn't explode, battery will have 1/2 life in 2 years and cannot be replaced.
Designed in California, made in a sweatshop in Asia sa pamamagitan ng child slave labor.
Costs $298,000, but only $35,000 with a contract. Contract has a $260,000 early termination fee. mansanas Car has $10,000 activation fee. $12,000 carrier fee.
Only has one button inside, you know, for people confused sa pamamagitan ng madami than one button.
Is overpriced and slower than what you get from Chevy, but costs 3x madami because of the logo. Exact same processor, er, motor inside.
Tesla Model 3
Pros:
215 mile estimated range
Fun and sporty to drive
Relentless Tesla over-the-air updates. Do NOT underestimate the power of Tesla's OTA updates
Best Autopilot (Semi-self-driving tech) in the industry
Rear-wheel-drive, with optional All-wheel-drive (AWD)
True fully independent suspension for a better ride and handling
Floor-mounted batteries for handling
Panoramic glass roof
Front and rear "trunks" for cargo storage
Tesla brand image
Free Supercharger network
A domestic maker, if you want to buy American, with factories in California and Nevada
Cons:
Ridiculously tiny trunk opening. It's NOT a hatchback, folks, even though it looks like one. Seems like yet another compromise for that panoramic glass roof.
Panoramic glass roof - Elon needs to visit Texas, Florida, etc. ibingiay that the Model X struggles to cool in warm weather, this could get really ugly.
Panoramic glass roof - Some people prefer having metal protecting their heads in a crash, not a sheet of glass
Panoramic glass roof - Probably adds thousand(s) of dollars to the price, hopefully is optional
Curved windshield will cook you in the summer with less crash protection than a metal structure
Tesla's mediocre build quality.
Long-term viability of Tesla (e.g. warranty, parts support) ibingiay that they aren't even profitable and are running on borrowed time and money
Elon's fragile ego makes bizarre decisions sometimes. Witness the carbon fiber panels and narrowed side sills on the Roadster (which nearly bankrupted the company), idiotic, fragile and unreliable palkon Wing doors and stupid, expensive monopost seats on the X (there's a reason the industry only uses those on ipakita cars, Elon; real people want to fold seats and actually have puwang for their feet). We'll have to see how this materializes on the Model 3
Pre-order lunacy - "A fool and his money are soon parted", or "Well, let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite yet." Most of those pre-orders will kanselahin when they realize they can't make susunod month's rent, that they didn't understand the concept of a tax credit, or that they just pre-ordered something they know nothing about and doesn't have a real trunk opening. Americans following the herd, making large, foolish financial decisions while frothing at the mouth? That could never happen! (uncredited, circa 2008). I'd be surprised if Tesla actually sells and delivers even 1/4th the pre-order amount. There's also the tanong of Tesla is even capable of making that much product. Welcome to the big leagues, gentlemen. Try not to get killed.
Chevy Bolt:
Pros:
200+ mile range
Lower price in the low $30,000 range
True station wagon/Hatchback cargo area
Futuristic looks
Solid performance, at least in a straight line
Low-mounted battery for good handling
American-made, if you care about that
Cons:
Primative torsion-beam rear suspension barely counts as independent rear suspension
Virtually no magpabago after you buy the car. Want susunod year's tech? Chevy has a $33,000 upgrade plan (e.g. buy susunod year's Bolt).
Boring, cheap interior with the same retarded ergonomics as the company that brought you the Camaro's gunslit windows and crotch-facing touch screen and the Silverado's jaunty steering wheel THAT DOESN'T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
Chevy brand not really a plus if you care about that
One trunk, not two
Front-wheel-drive, no AWD option
Chevy/GM helped kill the Red Car mass transit system in LA to sell madami cars; seems a bit weird to buy an electric car from a company so evil like that. I think the saying goes: Forgiveness is divine, but sometimes that mutherfucker needs to die.
When driving or noticing details, you sometimes get the feeling the GM, Ford and Chrysler cut corners, especially in interiors and "engineering" (disclosure: I drive a Gen1 Chevy Volt; it's probably the best built Chevy ever, but they made stupid decisions like 4 seats, no AWD, torsion beam suspension, etc.)
Prius Prime:
Pros:
Toyota quality - you know it's engineered to perfection, bulletproof and will give you 200,000 miles of service
madami fun to drive than before
May have an AWD option in 2017
True independent suspension
"Unlimited" range only limited sa pamamagitan ng your stomach for pumping in foreign oil.
Cons:
Slow as hell, roughly 9 segundos to 60 MPH. Grandma in Costco's power scooter is significantly faster in the quarter mile.
As passionate as a dead fish, and definitely speaks volumes about your fun-loving and fiercely independent personality.
Toyota is incredibly boring and conservative when it comes to autonomous driving technology, among other things. Don't expect ANY magpabago to the primitive self-driving tech. This is a big deal: it's like buying a phone that will never be updated.
Still drives like an elepante corpse - "More fun to drive" is relative; the old Prius was literally one of the worst cars in the world to drive. The Prime is better, but it's not even close to a sports sedan. It's like saying your dog's shit smells "less bad". But but but the badge is the same height as the FR-S's badge! AMAZINGS!
Cheap interior with bizarre white console (you'll understand when you see it.. Toyota should apoy that designer)
Imported
Polarizing looks, some would call it ugly. sa pamamagitan ng "some", I mean "all people."
Slanted hatchback cuts into cargo area, but it's still worlds better than the Model 3's trunk "hole"
Wheels look midget-sized; apoy that designer... again
Only 20 miles of battery range. After that, you're running on pollution-spewing oil
If anything goes wrong, get ready to be blamed because you're a "filthy, stupid American" (see: Toyota upuan sinturon failures, oil gelling, sudden acceleration, Tataka airbag shrapnel)
Apple Titan:
Pros:
Looks great.
Feels great.
Comes in an amazing box.
Charger plugs in right side up, or upside down, because, you know, people are idiots, apparently.
Plays a cools sound when you turn it on.
Has independent touch screens for each passenger so that you can ignore your spouse and children in the precious moments you have together and instead check Farcebook updates.
Semi-autonomous driving powered sa pamamagitan ng mansanas Maps.
Cons:
Semi-autonomous driving powered sa pamamagitan ng mansanas Maps: You will die.
You can't service the battery, motors, pumps, fluids, tires, brakes nor wipers. You cannot pop the hood. It's all glued, welded, and sealed to hell since mansanas knows everyone's a moron and cannot be trusted to actually do anything on their own. Car is disposable and designed to be obsolete in 2 years.
Batteries will explode, but Applecare will send your widow a refurbished used replacement car.
In the event that your battery doesn't explode, battery will have 1/2 life in 2 years and cannot be replaced.
Designed in California, made in a sweatshop in Asia sa pamamagitan ng child slave labor.
Costs $298,000, but only $35,000 with a contract. Contract has a $260,000 early termination fee. mansanas Car has $10,000 activation fee. $12,000 carrier fee.
Only has one button inside, you know, for people confused sa pamamagitan ng madami than one button.
Is overpriced and slower than what you get from Chevy, but costs 3x madami because of the logo. Exact same processor, er, motor inside.