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uy I was wondering if you'd read the preface to my new story and tell me what you think. Please and Thank you.

Hey guys, I'm just trying to write a story people are into so please just be honest. And if you hate it don't be afride to comment that.


Preface
Darkness was already begining to take over. It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us. We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri. We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness. As the book sinabi it would. Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil. We were not normal. You could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that. Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people. And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.
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When are you going to write madami and where?
TDIFan960 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
 midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Emo-me said:
Nice story, it was really good...;)

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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
EYBanuelos said:
It's pretty good. I got hooked since I started pagbaba it!
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awesome thanks
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
zutaradragon said:
so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny books i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little madami differrant, though. this is one of the books with a darkness.
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 so...Jessyka is a firebender, like Zuko, Azula, and Ozai...Mari is an airbender, like Aang...and Lauri is a waterbender, like Katara. LOL, i watch 2 much avatar...but thats kinda' the vive i get. and a darkness? u know how meny books i've read with a darkness? the book of lies is something i don't know...and i would read more. u could b a little madami differrant, though. this is one of the books with a darkness.
posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
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sorry 2 burst ur bubble slightly, but i thought i should point it out.
zutaradragon posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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oh its cool thanks for being honest
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
selgomez5613 said:
Great job! And cool describing
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thanks
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
Irina92 said:
nice preface but, from experience, preface is one of the easiest parts.. keep going and if you have the ideas it'll turn out great!=)
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thanks :)
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
lolibarbie said:
Amazing!
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Thanks :P
midnight-stars posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
brandonsbabyboo said:
thata really good actually. i like it, i'm writting a story too but i don't think mine is good enough yet to even put a little bit of it on the web yet. thanks for letting me read it.

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LunaShay said:
This is pretty good!But i think i would switch the powers a little.You don't have to,but most powers used in books are water earth or fire.It kinda reminds me of awatara XD.
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FearlessSinger said:
Ooh! Cool! I'm so gonna buy it when it's published!!! lol. But I will only buy it if you buy my pag-ibig story. Deal?
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shyboy77 said:
it's awesome yet it's kind of creepy in a way and it seem's to be a suspense full story I pag-ibig it.
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DracoLuver said:
It's good, but some of the sentences can be combined.

It had only been two months after we had found the book of lies. And already it had taken over two of us.

"It had only been two months after we had found the Book of Lies and already it had taken over two of us."

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Same with:

We were not normal. You could say. We were powerful. And the book didn't like that.

"We were not normal, as you could say. We were powerful and the book didn't like that."

Mari and Jessykia could read people. But I Had much deaper power. I could controll people.

"Mari and Jessyikia could read people, but I had a much deeper power: controlling people."

We only had three left. Jessykia,Mari and me, Lauri.
We where the three the book talked about. The last three living. They called us. We where the last chance of light. Our world was overcome with blackness.

"Jessykia, Mari, and I were the last three left to overcome the darkness threating our world. The last three living, the only hope."

Sometimes I wished Mari, Jessykia and I had never went with Beth and Gina. Jessykia had always senced they were evil.

"Sometimes I wished we had never gone alongside with Beth and Gina; for Jessykia had sensed their evil."

And us the 'last three living' each had a power over a natural wonder. Jessyka was fire. Mari, was air. And I was water. And We The 'last three living'. Had to save our world, from the Book of lies.

"The last three living had power of a natural wonder; Jessyikia - fire, Mari - air, and I being able to control water."

You already used 'had to save the world' before, so maybe ...

"We had to destroy this book, before it destroyed us."

I just wanted to give some constructive criticism. Anyway, the story seems very facinating. Good job and good luck! :)






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TDIFan960 said:
Wow It's to Good For Words
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goodman8 said:
Thaht is very good
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