Any funny mga panipi lately?

I've got a few million GLaDOS quotes. ._____.

Yes! Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!

Look, I know that we're in a lot of trouble and probably going to die, but that was worth it.

What's that in your hand?! Knowing you, it's a deep fat fryer.

AUGH! BIRD! BIRD! KILL IT! IT'S EVIL! ...It flew off. Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.

If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.

Alright, fine. Let's all act like humans. "Boy, I pag-ibig sweating! Let's convert leaves and meat into energy and go shopping!"

Why don't you marry that thing since you pag-ibig it so much? Do you want to marry itWELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?

Oh hi. So, how are you holding up? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.

What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well, then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned, and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to. Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on! *stupid and gargled imitation of Chell's voice* "HELLOOO!" That's you! That's how dumb you sound! You've been wrong about everything you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart, you're not a scientist, you're not a doctor, you're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?

A few

"Those are all very good stories but you know what else is good? Twilight, they say it's just for tweens but I do pag-ibig those vampires" (funnier if you know that the speaker is a forty six taon old Irish man who loves to inflict pain.)

Me: My paborito actor is going to be a daddy, his mother's pregnant...uh I mean wife.
Emily: I'd hope so, that would be gross an old lady giving birth.
Me: Wait really, I just accidentally sinabi he'd gotten his MOTHER pregnant and that's your first concern?

(about me) "She's not right (mentally, I'd just discussed how tasty tin cans were)

Cowboy Fuzzie he's our pal
He's our bestest buddy
He knows lots of games and tricks
And won't let us get muddy