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posted by cuteasprincie
Survey reveals tuktok 50 funniest jokes ever told

[HK]

A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been voted the funniest gag ever told. Researchers examined madami than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 and getting 36,000 people to vote for their favourites. Source: Onepoll.com

Comedy genius Tommy Cooper had sa pamamagitan ng far the most jokes in the list, which also includes gags sa pamamagitan ng Peter Kay and Lee Evans.

Jokes ranged from the legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu' - to ones about wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.

The study was...
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added by fatoshleo
added by jlhfan624
Source: 1280x800.com
added by 3xZ
added by Smib
added by TDIlover226
Source: Various websites
added by EminemAddict09
Source: my awesomeness
posted by nmdis
"Piercing"


Living in fear
Is not what you had
In mind for me
But holding to you
Is so hard
I cling to what I see

In a world where my emotions
Seem to rule my every move
They will challenge my devotion
To seek and know the truth

You're piercing me
This self will bleed
You're killing all
Of my securities
Lord, help me see the reality
That all I'll ever need is You

Here in this haze a distant light
Seems to draw me near
But in the shadow of my doubt
My faith just disappears

In a world where my emotions
Seem to rule my every move
They will challenge my devotion
To seek and know the truth

You're...
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Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Can you feel me
When I think about you?
With every breath I take
Every minute
No matter what I do

My world is an empty place
Like I've been wandering the desert
For a thousand days (oh)
Don't know if it's a mirage
But I always see your face, baby

[Chorus:]
I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A araw without you is like a taon without rain
I need you sa pamamagitan ng my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A araw without you is like a taon without rain (oh, whoa)
Whoa, oh, whoa

The stars are burning
I hear your voice in my mind (voice in my mind)
Can't you hear me calling?
My puso is yearning
Like...
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June 17th 100,000,000 BC 12 O'clock at night
Four children are born, quadruplets, the youngest born at the strike of midnight. The first child is named Queverial, the segundo Ceelarion, the third Ierailiasha, and the last one is named Mist. The father decides the last child should have a complex name as the others do but the mother has made up her mind that Mist is the perfect name.
Then she sends them through the mirror of fate to find there destiny and they may never return if they do not find it in time.

January 21st 90,000,000 BC 3:30 P.M.
The children grow up living in the chosen lands...
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Now, there's no denying that Dani is pretty adorable. She's playful and immature, just like a little girl should be, as you can see from the scene where she comes out of the closet and scares Max. She has the spirit of a cute little girl, as she loves trick-or-treating.

However, after the first few minutos of screen time she has, her character started going downhill for me. She screams for her mother at the tuktok of her lungs when Max refuses to take her trick-or-treating, which makes me think she's spoiled. She's pagganap all tough and bravo against ibon ng dyey and Ernie "Ice", but ends up doing this...
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Something Beautiful
I was in a restless mood.
I tried to read and ended up with books scattered all over the floor.
I tried listening to music but all the words sounded out of tune.
I tried to write but ended up staring at a blank page for ten minutes.
So I decided to create something beautiful.
I wrote a song, drew a picture, and made a frame for it.
I took a photo, made a vase, and arranged some flowers.
I drew a tattoo on my hand, made a tower out of everything, climbed on my roof and did a dance.
But no matter how hard I try the most beautiful thing I ever created will always be you.
posted by Nein-Nein
Aokigahara (青木ヶ原?), also known as the Sea of Trees (樹海 Jukai?), is a 35-square-kilometre (14 sq mi) forest that lies at the northwest base of Mount Fuji in Japan.
The forest has a historic association with demons in Japanese mythology and is a popular place for suicides , The forest is a popular place for suicides, reportedly the most popular in Hapon and segundo in the world after San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. Statistics vary, but what is documented is that during the period leading up to 1988, about 100 suicides occurred there every year.
In 2002, 78 bodies were found within...
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A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they're dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who's wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight
This is my tuktok 14 fave sayings and mga panipi :) Enjoy xx

14. You got to swim out of your comfort zone to catch the wave thats going to change your life -Unknown
13.Sometimes your knight in shining armour, is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil -Unknown
12."God heals and the doctors takes the fee" -Unknown
11.Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision -Marilyn Monroe
10.Remember the days when lumboy and mansanas where just prutas -Unknown
9.When guys get jealous, its kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War 3 is about to start -Unknown
8.You know youre in pag-ibig when you cant fall...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
One araw there was a little girl called Emily She had a toy doll the doll seemed so normal but with one exception it was missing a finger one night before Emily went to kama she sat the doll above the fireplace and went to bed.

Emily was fast asleep but then "Emily im in the lounge room coming to get you" Emily thought she was dreaming so she ignored it but then "Emily im on the staircase coming to get you" Emily hid under the covers,

Everything was quiet but then "Emily im in the hall way coming to get you" Each time the voice spoke it got louder Emily was very scared and then "Emily im at your...
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1)
'It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only sa pamamagitan ng preparing for war'
- John f. Kennedy
----------------------------------------------------
2)
'Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety - nine percent perspiration'
- Thomas Edison
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3)
'Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools'
- Napolean Bonaparte
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4)
'The child is father of man'
- William Wordsworth
----------------------------------------------------
5)
The government of people, sa pamamagitan ng the people, for the people shall...
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"Hey guess what?" Lauren, my best friend, sinabi as we sat in the computer room of my house, looking at Katy Perry music videos. I looked over and answered, "What?". She pulled out a small card with a "BK" watermark on it.
"I got a $10 gift card to Burger King!" She exclaimed. "The jellybeans shall be praised!" I jumped up and immediately grabbed the keys of my car, a blue 2012 Ford mabangis na kabayo Shelby GT500.
"We need to go." I begged. Burger King was one of my all-time paborito fast pagkain restaurants. I had to go!
"Take out or dine-in?" Lauren asked, standing up. I thought for a second.
"Both!"...
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posted by katetekiku
1.Buy a kids meal, and play with the toy you get on the middle of the floor.

2.Fill a medyas with pennies, and then demand all of the pagkain using the money in the sock.

3.Run through the waiting lines.

4.Buy a burger and give it to the waiter/waitress.

5.Go up to the counter, and before the waiter/waitress can say anything, say "Welcome to McDonalds. How can I take your order?"

6.Give a burnt french fry to a walang tiyak na layunin person across the room.

7.Buy something off the menu, like tacos or baked beans.

8.Go to McDonalds in your bathing suit.

9.Chew as loud as you can so everyone can hear.

10.Run inside and sing Mary Had A Little tupa at the tuktok of your lungs.

11.Eat another person's pagkain when they aren't looking.

12.Have a loud conversation with your friend about walang tiyak na layunin things, maybe even a fight (no punches though!)!

13.Rap your meal at the counter.
One day, I was walking on the sidewalk on Walden Lane. It was 5:00 in the morning in Lakeland, Florida, and the sun was just coming up. I was whistling "Celebrate Good Times" while dancing a jig. All of a sudden, A guy zoomed down the sidewalk on his bike with his arm out, and smacked me in the face. I fell to the ground from the impact, my face throbbing.
"Watch where your going, jerk!" I yelled, clambering up and waving my fist at him. He turned, laughing at me, but then he peddled into the road and a semi truck zoomed past, almost hitting the guy. I gasped, thinking that he had been hit....
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