Geraldine Granger: You were expecting a bloke - beard, bible, bad breath.
David Horton: Yes, that sort of thing.
Geraldine Granger: And instead you got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom.

Alice: You can call me Alice.
Geraldine: Right.
Alice: Because it's my name.

David Horton: Owen, this is our new vicar.
Owen Newitt: No it isn't! She's a woman!
Geraldine Granger: Oh! You noticed! [Points to breasts] These are such a giveaway, aren't they?!

David Horton: Am I alone on Sundays in preferring not to shake hands with the malodorous creature in the susunod pew?
Jim Trott: No no no no... I quite...