I didn't ask for this. I want to go back to the way things were. My name is Trisha Abbinanti, welcome to my story.
“Trisha, my dear, please mind your manners. Slouching is not the way an Alpha like yourself sits”. I quickly glanced at my mother and erected myself upright. “Y-yes ma’am. I apologize”. As I averted my attention pasulong once more, I could still feel her deep blue eyes trying to catch the attention of mine. We sat for a brief moment in complete silence, her eyes still embedded into my fur. She resented me, and I knew it. The look that she was giving me, cold as ice, was begging for an opponent. An opponent such as myself. Someone who she knew she could beat without lifting a paw. Her gaze, asphyxiated on me continued to whisper my name. I gave in of course. It was the only way out of the all too familiar stalemate. She won before I had a chance. As soon as my eyes felt met hers I quickly regretted my poor decision. Her tone was sweet but mocking and monotonous. Her voice cut through the air, sharp enough to make the hair on my back stand straight up. “Trisha, dear, did I give you permission to look at me”? My eyes snapped forward. “No ma’am, I apologize”. A low growl crept from her rich brown muzzle. “Trisha, my oh so sweet alpha daughter, please look at me in the eyes when I speak to you”. Her growl became madami audible as she sinabi the word “alpha”. Once madami I found myself looking into the eyes that were as blue as a nagyelo hell. “Yes ma’am, I apologize”. Entranced in her stare, I was unable to react to her paw before it struck my face.
“Trisha, my dear, please mind your manners. Slouching is not the way an Alpha like yourself sits”. I picked myself up off the ground, and sat accordingly. A single tear rolled down the white balahibo on my cheek before reaching its final destination on the cold floor of the yungib between my paws. The mocking tone penetrated my ears once more. “Trisha, my dear, as punishment for your disobedience, there will be no hapunan for you. You are dismissed”. As I stood up I adjusted my posture to my mother’s specifications. I went through my mental checklist; head up, snout level, chest out, shoulders back, back straight, tail dead center between my hind legs. With a quick exhale, I led with my left front paw and calmly walked out the yungib and out of my mother’s sight.
I mindlessly wandered the wilderness, as my paws made fresh tracks in the snow. The haunting image of my mother was burned deep into my brain. It irritated me how similar in appearance we were. Her starch white balahibo covering her head to toe, besides her mocha colored snout that ran between her deep sapphire eyes. A single snowflake landed on my muzzle, causing me to lose my train of thought. I decided it was time to head back to the yungib as the snow began to fall harder. The owls called in the trees above as I walked past them. “Looks like another fun night at the Abbinanti den”! My ears fixed onto the location of the of the sound and my head followed. “Shh! Jim act natural”! The owls went back and forth chanting “Who? Who?”. I took a deep breath before entering the yungib and fixed my posture.
Relieved to see my father and brother in the yungib I quickly forgot about being proper. My dad turned to face me, smiling wide. As he got up and approached me I caught myself in the line of apoy of my mother’s gaze. My dad estola my attention as he kissed my cheek and smiled. “Hey, how’s my little girl’s birthday going”? He backed up to look my in my eyes. I slightly turned my cheek in order to hide any signs of being struck earlier. I smiled as I bashfully looked down at the ground. “It was good daddy”. My voice faltered as the fresh memory of being hit crept back into my mind. “I-I uh…”. My tongue foolishly betrayed the thoughts that were racing through my mind. I came up with the best excuse I could at the time. “Ugh, sorry dad, I’m exhausted, I can barely even talk”! I gave a nervous smile as my tail slowly swayed to and fro. “Ok, honey why don’t you go hit the hay? Happy birthday Trish”. With that, he gave me a hug before making my way to the back of the den. As I passed my little brother, he gave a fake cough, meaning that the usual midnight meeting was to take place.
I got approximately three and a half hours of sleep before my internal alarm woke me up. I carefully tip-toed my way through the den, being careful as to not wake my fast asleep parents. Once I was clear out of the den, I quickly ran to a specific spot in the woods to find my little brother there. I slowed my pace as I approached him. “Hey squirt, you have to be less obvious with those coughs, you’re going to get us caught up”. My brother turned only to allow the moonlight illuminate the left side of his face. I quickly hushed up as I took my spot besides him and sat. “Trish, mom hit you again today….didn't she”? His voice was quiet and calm. I laughed to try to ease his nerves. “Yeah, but that old hag must be losing her touch. You throwing snowballs at me hurts madami than her hitting me”. His ears drooped flat against his head as he buried his head into the tuft of my chest, sobbing. “Hey hey, bubba listen”. I gently pushed him back and looked him in the eyes. “I’m ok Gavin, I promise”. His sniffles filled the cold night as I wiped the tears from his eyes. “Trisha, it isn't fair how mom won’t let us talk. Who cares if you’re an Alpha and I’m not”? I sat down, unable to answer my brother’s question.
As time passed, I finally told my brother why things were the way they were. How my mom wanted the pamagat of Alpha to be handed down to a son of her own, but instead she got me, her daughter. How if he was born first, everything would be fine. How I destroyed our mother’s dreams of raising the susunod heir to the trono so to speak. He absorbed every word the left my mouth like a sponge. I was wrong to talk to him at such a young age about a topic that was out of his control. If I had the chance to change what I sinabi that night to him, I would. Because after that night, after I unknowingly blamed his existence for the way our mother treated me, nothing was the same.
When we woke back in our yungib in the morning my brother was nowhere to be found. After hours of searching, he was found dead alongside a riverbank. This is where my story begins. Welcome.
“Trisha, my dear, please mind your manners. Slouching is not the way an Alpha like yourself sits”. I quickly glanced at my mother and erected myself upright. “Y-yes ma’am. I apologize”. As I averted my attention pasulong once more, I could still feel her deep blue eyes trying to catch the attention of mine. We sat for a brief moment in complete silence, her eyes still embedded into my fur. She resented me, and I knew it. The look that she was giving me, cold as ice, was begging for an opponent. An opponent such as myself. Someone who she knew she could beat without lifting a paw. Her gaze, asphyxiated on me continued to whisper my name. I gave in of course. It was the only way out of the all too familiar stalemate. She won before I had a chance. As soon as my eyes felt met hers I quickly regretted my poor decision. Her tone was sweet but mocking and monotonous. Her voice cut through the air, sharp enough to make the hair on my back stand straight up. “Trisha, dear, did I give you permission to look at me”? My eyes snapped forward. “No ma’am, I apologize”. A low growl crept from her rich brown muzzle. “Trisha, my oh so sweet alpha daughter, please look at me in the eyes when I speak to you”. Her growl became madami audible as she sinabi the word “alpha”. Once madami I found myself looking into the eyes that were as blue as a nagyelo hell. “Yes ma’am, I apologize”. Entranced in her stare, I was unable to react to her paw before it struck my face.
“Trisha, my dear, please mind your manners. Slouching is not the way an Alpha like yourself sits”. I picked myself up off the ground, and sat accordingly. A single tear rolled down the white balahibo on my cheek before reaching its final destination on the cold floor of the yungib between my paws. The mocking tone penetrated my ears once more. “Trisha, my dear, as punishment for your disobedience, there will be no hapunan for you. You are dismissed”. As I stood up I adjusted my posture to my mother’s specifications. I went through my mental checklist; head up, snout level, chest out, shoulders back, back straight, tail dead center between my hind legs. With a quick exhale, I led with my left front paw and calmly walked out the yungib and out of my mother’s sight.
I mindlessly wandered the wilderness, as my paws made fresh tracks in the snow. The haunting image of my mother was burned deep into my brain. It irritated me how similar in appearance we were. Her starch white balahibo covering her head to toe, besides her mocha colored snout that ran between her deep sapphire eyes. A single snowflake landed on my muzzle, causing me to lose my train of thought. I decided it was time to head back to the yungib as the snow began to fall harder. The owls called in the trees above as I walked past them. “Looks like another fun night at the Abbinanti den”! My ears fixed onto the location of the of the sound and my head followed. “Shh! Jim act natural”! The owls went back and forth chanting “Who? Who?”. I took a deep breath before entering the yungib and fixed my posture.
Relieved to see my father and brother in the yungib I quickly forgot about being proper. My dad turned to face me, smiling wide. As he got up and approached me I caught myself in the line of apoy of my mother’s gaze. My dad estola my attention as he kissed my cheek and smiled. “Hey, how’s my little girl’s birthday going”? He backed up to look my in my eyes. I slightly turned my cheek in order to hide any signs of being struck earlier. I smiled as I bashfully looked down at the ground. “It was good daddy”. My voice faltered as the fresh memory of being hit crept back into my mind. “I-I uh…”. My tongue foolishly betrayed the thoughts that were racing through my mind. I came up with the best excuse I could at the time. “Ugh, sorry dad, I’m exhausted, I can barely even talk”! I gave a nervous smile as my tail slowly swayed to and fro. “Ok, honey why don’t you go hit the hay? Happy birthday Trish”. With that, he gave me a hug before making my way to the back of the den. As I passed my little brother, he gave a fake cough, meaning that the usual midnight meeting was to take place.
I got approximately three and a half hours of sleep before my internal alarm woke me up. I carefully tip-toed my way through the den, being careful as to not wake my fast asleep parents. Once I was clear out of the den, I quickly ran to a specific spot in the woods to find my little brother there. I slowed my pace as I approached him. “Hey squirt, you have to be less obvious with those coughs, you’re going to get us caught up”. My brother turned only to allow the moonlight illuminate the left side of his face. I quickly hushed up as I took my spot besides him and sat. “Trish, mom hit you again today….didn't she”? His voice was quiet and calm. I laughed to try to ease his nerves. “Yeah, but that old hag must be losing her touch. You throwing snowballs at me hurts madami than her hitting me”. His ears drooped flat against his head as he buried his head into the tuft of my chest, sobbing. “Hey hey, bubba listen”. I gently pushed him back and looked him in the eyes. “I’m ok Gavin, I promise”. His sniffles filled the cold night as I wiped the tears from his eyes. “Trisha, it isn't fair how mom won’t let us talk. Who cares if you’re an Alpha and I’m not”? I sat down, unable to answer my brother’s question.
As time passed, I finally told my brother why things were the way they were. How my mom wanted the pamagat of Alpha to be handed down to a son of her own, but instead she got me, her daughter. How if he was born first, everything would be fine. How I destroyed our mother’s dreams of raising the susunod heir to the trono so to speak. He absorbed every word the left my mouth like a sponge. I was wrong to talk to him at such a young age about a topic that was out of his control. If I had the chance to change what I sinabi that night to him, I would. Because after that night, after I unknowingly blamed his existence for the way our mother treated me, nothing was the same.
When we woke back in our yungib in the morning my brother was nowhere to be found. After hours of searching, he was found dead alongside a riverbank. This is where my story begins. Welcome.
