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posted by boomerlover
A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps susunod to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This araw is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police sinabi that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in kama with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you ipakita up and drink my poison."
posted by nmdis
"Bang Bang Bang"

My new boy used to be a model
He looks way better than you
He looks way better than you
My new boy gets it how to get me
His pag-ibig is deeper, you know
He's a real keeper, you know, oh yeah!

Bang, bang, bang I'm breaking in
Stealing all my pag-ibig back, giving it to him
Bang, bang, bang, this time I win
I thought your pag-ibig was all that,
Til I let him in

You're gonna be the one [x4]
That's moping
You're gonna be the one [x2]
When I'm out havin' fun
You're gonna be the one
That's broken

My new boy knows the way I want it
He's got madami swagger than you
He's got madami swagger than you do
My new boy really...
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This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible araw starting tomorrow morning, and it only gets worse from there.


ARIES - The Aggressive (March 21 to April 19)
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny... Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an Aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.


TAURUS - The...
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posted by Bluekait
In the movie Scream, Randy sinabi “There are certain rules that one must abide sa pamamagitan ng in order to successfully survive a horror movie”.

1. You can never have sex. BIG NO-NO! BIG NO-NO! Sex equals death, okay?
2. You can never drink or do drugs. The sin factor! It’s a sin. It’s an extension of number one.
3. Never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, “I’ll be right back.” Because you won’t be back.

In Scream 2, the rules for a horror sequel were:

1. The body count is always bigger.
2. The death scenes are always much madami elaborate, with madami blood and gore.
3. If you want your films...
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Something Beautiful
I was in a restless mood.
I tried to read and ended up with books scattered all over the floor.
I tried listening to music but all the words sounded out of tune.
I tried to write but ended up staring at a blank page for ten minutes.
So I decided to create something beautiful.
I wrote a song, drew a picture, and made a frame for it.
I took a photo, made a vase, and arranged some flowers.
I drew a tattoo on my hand, made a tower out of everything, climbed on my roof and did a dance.
But no matter how hard I try the most beautiful thing I ever created will always be you.
A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they're dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who's wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight
posted by Lady_Rebel
People die everyday. There are people dying as I write this, as you read it, in the future, and in the past. It’s the same across the globe. But what isn’t the same is how people bury the deceased. We in the U.S. generally bury our dead in the ground. People in Europa used to bury their dead in cairns. Every culture has a different means of putting the dead in their final resting place, but the culture whose method I am going to tell you about is Ancient Egypt. madami specifically, he process of mummification. Mummification was a long and complicated process involving spells, knives, and...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
1.Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.

2.Try pants on backwards and Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

3.At any clothing Stores take Heeps of stuff into the dressing room take an ipod or something and play on it while ur bored and when its time to close say "I STILL HAVE TO TRY STUFF ON IDIOT".

4.Sneeze on the pagkain sample's they have in woolworths.

5.At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “My shoelaces! Augh!” and pretend your stuck.

6.Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether You can get a CD that you know they dont have and ask really...
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posted by Me_Iz_Here
1) Scenes with swearing will be removed

2) All nudity scenes of France will also be removed

3) Hapon is too "japanese" so 4Kids gives him blonde hair and blue eyes

4) All mentions of WW1 and WW2 will be removed

5) England's eyebrows will be too scary for little kids, so we give him thin eyebrows instead

6) All the Voice Actors will be American, and there will be no accents

7) Blood will be removed

8) Poland is actually a girl

9) Russia is removed because 4Kids are afraid of Russians (or anything that's foreign)

10) Prussia isn't a real country! So we'll remove him!

11) Neither is Sealand, so he is removed...
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The city of San Francisco is asking Kulbir Dhaliwal, who was attacked sa pamamagitan ng a tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on pasko araw 2007, to reimburse them over $75,000 for the city-funded medical care he received after the mauling.
Cold viruses can survive on objects like telephones and railings for up to three hours.
More suicides occur in the Grand Canyon than in any other national park.
There are madami bacteria in the ice machines at fast pagkain restaurants than in toilet bowl water.
Alcohol-related traffic fatalities are madami than twice as common on New Year's Eve as other midweek winter evenings.
Two...
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First off, this is not made to offend anyone! If your offended sa pamamagitan ng this then I apoligize. Anyway these are the most horrible shows I have ever seen! If you have a reason for a ipakita I put comment and I might add it(ill give credit about it to you because its your idea :D) Anyway sorry for all this long pagbaba right here but here we go:
(Cartoon Network)
-(from commercial)Secret Mountain Fort Awesome:
1.Characters are even uglier then the "Problem Solvers" characters who are pretty god damn ugly!
2.From the looks on the commercial, it seems like it has no good things that will happen or any interesting...
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posted by Feathershine
1. When their watching TV get in their way and say "I'm in your way!! Im in your way!!"
2. Say "beep, beep beep..." until they snap
3. Call them on their cell phone when their out on a petsa or something, and in a weird voice say "Hello?! Can I send u a box of waffles" (LOL I don't know)
4. When their sleeping take a bottle of water and wake them up sa pamamagitan ng dumping it on them and saying "Sorry! I came to bring it for u to drink, I didn't realize it slipped"
5. If you have a dog or cat (that DON'T sleep with your parents) dump him/her when there asleep
6. When you spill any liquid blame it on the gods
7....
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O-
-heartbeats-
















OW!!!!!!!!!



Shake a chicka.

Ah

As they came into the voodoo
There was sound out...
Like a sheepdog.
He can make up your apartment.
He let the buck stay
On the carpet.
Sharon ate upon the table.
Makin' sushi... was a navel.
So she rented out the bedroom...
She was struck down...
By a centipede.

Annie are you walking?
So, Annie are you walking?
Are you walking Annie?
Annie are you walking?
So, Annie are you walking?
Are you walking?
Annie are you walking?
-screams- SO, ANNIE ARE YOU WALKING???!!!!
ARE YOU WALKING ANNIE??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dramatic choir:
Annie are you walking?
With your dentist
Are...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the kama holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors sa pamamagitan ng your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by RealBenTennyson
See if ya can read this---

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter sa pamamagitan ng istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!

Then why the HELL do they keep shouting 'bout "correcting-the-spellings"?!?
posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: you crave attention, you absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, you may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because sa pamamagitan ng being a retard online you can get all the attention you need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If you want to be a retard you must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by merlinfanatic
Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four tanong to determine the level of your intellect.
Your ang sumagot must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating or wasting time.
And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: You are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in segundo place.
In which position are you now?

Answer:
If you answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. You overtook the segundo runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the susunod tanong try not to be so dumb.
2 : If you overtake the last...
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A Nice araw To Sing

Jade stepped quietly out into the funny sunshine, and admired Simon's head. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a scary sight."

Simon climbed off the koala and walked quickly across the damo to greet his lover. Jade patted Simon on the leg and then tried to sing him gentley, but without success.

"That's all right," Simon said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not smart," Jade. "Not as smart as the time we sang on a table."

Simon nodded softly. "We were mean back in those days."

"Our hands were younger, and we had a lot madami fun with them," Jade said. "Everything seems cool and weird...
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posted by energizerbunny
No stretch marks, no worrying about your diet, you can get on every ride in carowinds, and other amusement parks


If you wanna gain a little weight all you have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!


No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks you what your size is or how much you weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror


I mean when you think of women you think of Petite. Right??



I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
Some people may ask, "Why Invader Zim first?" I say SCREW IT, ILL DO WHAT I WANT! In any case, the ipakita is one of my favorites. It represents a better time for Nick. Better shows, better actors, better Nick. Altough this is a time since past, Nicktoons has made the GENIUS(sp?) decision to bring it back.
If you look at the definition of Invader Zim on Wikipedia(again, sp?), it says that IZ employs a comedy style called "black comedy". Basically, this means that IZ uses dark methods of humor, such as the gluttonus "Bloaty the pizza Hog", or perhaps just the dark scenery in IZ (it gives a very...
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posted by cute20k
Here are the signs:

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL".

3. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. You have called out someone's screen name while making pag-ibig to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your mga kaibigan to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to- face.

8. You have to get a 2d phone line just so you can call pizza Hut.

9. You go into labour and you stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're...
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