2. mahirap paniwalaan CONFESSIONS
She had to explain herself or she was in for trouble. What was her problem?
When Seth, Sam and other mga lobo could adjust with us why couldn’t she? As I went into the forest, Leah was in her human form. I hadn’t expected her like that. She was always protective when it came to vampires. And when she was meeting me alone, I had expected her to be in lobo form.
But now days she seemed to prefer her human form and maintained a fair distance form our house. I found her in the edge of the forest. She motioned to me to come a little deeper into the forest. I followed her.
She walked fast. I let her outrun me. Then suddenly she turned to face me. I was shocked to see her face. She looked anguished. I hadn’t expected this. I was furious with her at first for hating Nessie.
I felt that she will be a danger for Nessie. But now she looked so sad, that it made me want to console her. “What did you want to talk about Leah? Do you think you can compromise me?”
“Please Edward listen to me! I apologize for thinking that way. But I mean her no harm”
“Wishing she wouldn’t have come in your way is a sign of your hatred to her Leah.”
“No Edward! I don’t hate Nessie. I only envy her!” she told.
I was amazed sa pamamagitan ng it. I hadn’t expected this. “What do you mean sa pamamagitan ng telling you envy her?”
“You know my story Edward. You know how Sam had hurt me.
I had loved Sam with all my heart. He was for me, that’s what I thought. I didn’t think of anything but him.
My life was whole with him. He suddenly disappeared and my puso broke. I became too frantic. I searched everywhere for him. People thought I was mad. Sam’s mother did not have anyone but me to console her.
And then Sam returned and I grew calm. He wouldn’t tell me what he did and where he went. He used to disappear very often. It caused madami quarrels between us.
But he promised me that he knew what he was doing. He promised me that I belonged to him and no one else. He promised to me that he will never part me.
And one sudden araw he imprinted on Emily. I was furious. I hated Sam for cheating me. Even though he explained his situation to me I didn’t accept. I behaved rude to everyone. They thought I was a tough girl. But only I know the time I spent crying. I didn’t do it in front of others. I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak.
It made me angry that he hadn’t imprinted on me. Whatever that had happened to him, I didn’t care about. If Sam could imprint on Emily on first sight, why didn’t he do it on me?
It meant that he did not pag-ibig me true, his pag-ibig for me was not enough to make me his soul mate.
And a different idea came to my mind too. Maybe I was not worthy enough for him. And that made me loathe him. This alternative made me force to think that the reason was that he didn’t want me.
I didn’t bother about him until I met his eyes rarely. And that night came. The night when suddenly my body grew so hot. I felt I will burn off. And I twitched with pain. I knew something was wrong with me. I heard voices in my head too. And the worst thing was not the pain, but Sam’s voice in my head. ‘Leah don’t worry! We will help you out from this.’
He said. From that araw on, I began to live a life of torture. I not only had to face him everyday, but I had to lay out all my darkest secrets to him.
The only werewolf in the history of all times. It made me doubt myself Edward. If I had the chance of becoming a werewolf, then why couldn’t Sam imprint on me? He could find his soul mate in an ordinary human girl, why couldn’t he do it to me, his love, and a lobo like him? Then all the imprinting frenzy began. Paul…Quil…Embry. That’s when I doubted my maternity Edward.
All my female stuff didn’t stay right after I became a werewolf. I knew I couldn’t become a mother and it worried me. I thought that I had become wrong because of being a werewolf but as all the imprinting of mga lobo continued and none of them imprinted on me, I began to think.
I came to the conclusion that I was unfit to be imprinted on. I also developed the thought that I had become a werewolf because there was already something wrong in me. That’s why every time I looked at Sam I became furious and assaulted him with snide comments that everyone started hating me.
“But no one really hated you; they just were upset sa pamamagitan ng what you did to your pack.” I said.
No Edward! I don’t bother if they like me or not. All that I bothered was that I should not be left alone. First Sam, then Paul, Quil. That made me afraid that I will stand as the odd one out. That’s when Jake went against Sam and became an Alpha.
The minuto he disobeyed Sam my loyalty to Sam wavered. And when Seth left the pack, I found that I can leave too. Jacob was a savior to me. I told him that I needed to keep a look on my brother. But the real reason was that I felt that I should be with him. It was the place I belonged.
And then I started to care for him. I spoke to him about my problems once. When I told him, he sympathized for me. He consoled me. He sinabi that it wasn’t like that. He made me his beta. Then I slowly fell in pag-ibig with him. I didn’t tell him that. Just when everything was going on fine, renesmee entered the scene.
Everything changed. All my hopes were shattered. Jake was the only one who could have accepted me, despite my disabilities. I had trusted him with my secrets but I felt ashamed to face him then onwards.
I thought he would imprint on me one day. Not that I desperately want someone to ipakita their pag-ibig sa pamamagitan ng imprinting alone. I want it as a proof to my abilities.
You know I hate Bampira because of our legends. I thought that you were the reason for my struggles, for me becoming a werewolf. But the real reason is because of you. I felt uncomfortable in your presence. I was afraid that my darkest secrets will be out because of you. I knew you would tell Jake if you knew all this.
I stayed away from your house whenever possible but when I needed to come in, I filled my mind with hatred on Bampira so that my pretense wouldn’t slip. That made you think even harsher about me.
I did the same when being a lobo too. It was tough to keep it away from Seth and Jake. But it made them think I was irritating and bitter. That’s why I keep off my wolf-form these days. It makes keeping secrets easier, but you broke it too.
I beg you Edward! Don’t tell this out. I can’t madala to face anyone if this ever comes out. I promise you that I will never harm renesmee. I never thought so!
I was only thinking how my life would have been without her. But what’s done is already done. I won’t change it. I was only grieving. Don’t ever tell this Edward! Will you?”
I stood flabbergasted, I hadn’t expected even a bit of this. “Don’t worry; your secret is ligtas with me. And you can be in your human form without unease from now on. I wouldn’t let out a word.”
“Thanks so much Edward! I’ll never forget this. I never thought you will be so kind. Maybe I should change the way I look at things from now on. Thanks so much!”
I sinabi “You are welcome. Thanks for trusting me with all this. I hope you will soon find happiness.”
A single drop of tear streamed from her eye. She nodded and turned and left.
I waited for sometime thinking about the other problems that were there waiting. I decided I will go check on Alice and then meet Carlisle if necessary.
As I sped home, I could hear my family there. Everyone except Bella, Jake and Nessie were present.
So, we had so much to discuss about. So much to decide. I could hear them all from the house. We had so much to discuss, so much to do.
What we decide now will decide our future too.
She had to explain herself or she was in for trouble. What was her problem?
When Seth, Sam and other mga lobo could adjust with us why couldn’t she? As I went into the forest, Leah was in her human form. I hadn’t expected her like that. She was always protective when it came to vampires. And when she was meeting me alone, I had expected her to be in lobo form.
But now days she seemed to prefer her human form and maintained a fair distance form our house. I found her in the edge of the forest. She motioned to me to come a little deeper into the forest. I followed her.
She walked fast. I let her outrun me. Then suddenly she turned to face me. I was shocked to see her face. She looked anguished. I hadn’t expected this. I was furious with her at first for hating Nessie.
I felt that she will be a danger for Nessie. But now she looked so sad, that it made me want to console her. “What did you want to talk about Leah? Do you think you can compromise me?”
“Please Edward listen to me! I apologize for thinking that way. But I mean her no harm”
“Wishing she wouldn’t have come in your way is a sign of your hatred to her Leah.”
“No Edward! I don’t hate Nessie. I only envy her!” she told.
I was amazed sa pamamagitan ng it. I hadn’t expected this. “What do you mean sa pamamagitan ng telling you envy her?”
“You know my story Edward. You know how Sam had hurt me.
I had loved Sam with all my heart. He was for me, that’s what I thought. I didn’t think of anything but him.
My life was whole with him. He suddenly disappeared and my puso broke. I became too frantic. I searched everywhere for him. People thought I was mad. Sam’s mother did not have anyone but me to console her.
And then Sam returned and I grew calm. He wouldn’t tell me what he did and where he went. He used to disappear very often. It caused madami quarrels between us.
But he promised me that he knew what he was doing. He promised me that I belonged to him and no one else. He promised to me that he will never part me.
And one sudden araw he imprinted on Emily. I was furious. I hated Sam for cheating me. Even though he explained his situation to me I didn’t accept. I behaved rude to everyone. They thought I was a tough girl. But only I know the time I spent crying. I didn’t do it in front of others. I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak.
It made me angry that he hadn’t imprinted on me. Whatever that had happened to him, I didn’t care about. If Sam could imprint on Emily on first sight, why didn’t he do it on me?
It meant that he did not pag-ibig me true, his pag-ibig for me was not enough to make me his soul mate.
And a different idea came to my mind too. Maybe I was not worthy enough for him. And that made me loathe him. This alternative made me force to think that the reason was that he didn’t want me.
I didn’t bother about him until I met his eyes rarely. And that night came. The night when suddenly my body grew so hot. I felt I will burn off. And I twitched with pain. I knew something was wrong with me. I heard voices in my head too. And the worst thing was not the pain, but Sam’s voice in my head. ‘Leah don’t worry! We will help you out from this.’
He said. From that araw on, I began to live a life of torture. I not only had to face him everyday, but I had to lay out all my darkest secrets to him.
The only werewolf in the history of all times. It made me doubt myself Edward. If I had the chance of becoming a werewolf, then why couldn’t Sam imprint on me? He could find his soul mate in an ordinary human girl, why couldn’t he do it to me, his love, and a lobo like him? Then all the imprinting frenzy began. Paul…Quil…Embry. That’s when I doubted my maternity Edward.
All my female stuff didn’t stay right after I became a werewolf. I knew I couldn’t become a mother and it worried me. I thought that I had become wrong because of being a werewolf but as all the imprinting of mga lobo continued and none of them imprinted on me, I began to think.
I came to the conclusion that I was unfit to be imprinted on. I also developed the thought that I had become a werewolf because there was already something wrong in me. That’s why every time I looked at Sam I became furious and assaulted him with snide comments that everyone started hating me.
“But no one really hated you; they just were upset sa pamamagitan ng what you did to your pack.” I said.
No Edward! I don’t bother if they like me or not. All that I bothered was that I should not be left alone. First Sam, then Paul, Quil. That made me afraid that I will stand as the odd one out. That’s when Jake went against Sam and became an Alpha.
The minuto he disobeyed Sam my loyalty to Sam wavered. And when Seth left the pack, I found that I can leave too. Jacob was a savior to me. I told him that I needed to keep a look on my brother. But the real reason was that I felt that I should be with him. It was the place I belonged.
And then I started to care for him. I spoke to him about my problems once. When I told him, he sympathized for me. He consoled me. He sinabi that it wasn’t like that. He made me his beta. Then I slowly fell in pag-ibig with him. I didn’t tell him that. Just when everything was going on fine, renesmee entered the scene.
Everything changed. All my hopes were shattered. Jake was the only one who could have accepted me, despite my disabilities. I had trusted him with my secrets but I felt ashamed to face him then onwards.
I thought he would imprint on me one day. Not that I desperately want someone to ipakita their pag-ibig sa pamamagitan ng imprinting alone. I want it as a proof to my abilities.
You know I hate Bampira because of our legends. I thought that you were the reason for my struggles, for me becoming a werewolf. But the real reason is because of you. I felt uncomfortable in your presence. I was afraid that my darkest secrets will be out because of you. I knew you would tell Jake if you knew all this.
I stayed away from your house whenever possible but when I needed to come in, I filled my mind with hatred on Bampira so that my pretense wouldn’t slip. That made you think even harsher about me.
I did the same when being a lobo too. It was tough to keep it away from Seth and Jake. But it made them think I was irritating and bitter. That’s why I keep off my wolf-form these days. It makes keeping secrets easier, but you broke it too.
I beg you Edward! Don’t tell this out. I can’t madala to face anyone if this ever comes out. I promise you that I will never harm renesmee. I never thought so!
I was only thinking how my life would have been without her. But what’s done is already done. I won’t change it. I was only grieving. Don’t ever tell this Edward! Will you?”
I stood flabbergasted, I hadn’t expected even a bit of this. “Don’t worry; your secret is ligtas with me. And you can be in your human form without unease from now on. I wouldn’t let out a word.”
“Thanks so much Edward! I’ll never forget this. I never thought you will be so kind. Maybe I should change the way I look at things from now on. Thanks so much!”
I sinabi “You are welcome. Thanks for trusting me with all this. I hope you will soon find happiness.”
A single drop of tear streamed from her eye. She nodded and turned and left.
I waited for sometime thinking about the other problems that were there waiting. I decided I will go check on Alice and then meet Carlisle if necessary.
As I sped home, I could hear my family there. Everyone except Bella, Jake and Nessie were present.
So, we had so much to discuss about. So much to decide. I could hear them all from the house. We had so much to discuss, so much to do.
What we decide now will decide our future too.
