10. Ask about Mike.

9. Ask about Eric.

8. Ask about Jacob.

7. Ask about Edward.

6. After asking about all these boys, inquire as to how much she is paying them, and where in the White Pages she looked for fake fan-boys.

5. When she complains about not being a vampire, throw glitter on her and claim she sparkles just like a vampire in the sun.

4. Ask if the thought of Edward biting her makes her… happy.

3. Say that since Edward is technically dead, she is into necrophilia. Tell her that is sick and wrong, and she should stop with her weird fetishes.

2. Tell her we all know about the real reason she married Edward – the honeymoon.

And the Number One way to annoy Bella Swan?

1. Tell her that you and Jacob imprinted on each other, and are getting married. Tell her you are pregnant, and will be with him forever. Videotape the reaction.


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