Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
Carol: Oh, what do you know? No-one's going up to you and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this
[shouts]
Carol: pot roast through it?"
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, you know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
Ross: Okay, there you go.
Rachel: Sure. Sure, I'll just sit susunod to the... transsexual from purchasing.
Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?
Kate Miller: [they are doing a scene] I have a tanong about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
[Joey plays Victor, she plays Adrienne]
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit madami of a reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script! Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It does not say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good."
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. You big, big freak.
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, halik is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, halik is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before kulay-rosas Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the ipakita was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise susunod time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: [pause] ... Are we still talking about sex?
Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
Jack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to...
Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
Joey Tribbiani: [after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
Phoebe: [Monica stares dreamily as Richard leaves the room] Oooh, I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy. I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
[in Barbados, Rachel runs into Monica and Chandler's room in the morning and opens the curtains, it has been raining a lot]
Monica: The sun is out!
Chandler: [squinting in pain] Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Joey Tribbiani: [upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the pelikula with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
Reporter: I like that. what's your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.
[after observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross]
Phoebe: That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?
[repeated line]
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break.
Ross: [holding a bottle of champagne] Gunther, six glasses!
Gunther: [hopeful] Six? You want me to sumali you?
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine.
[Gunther walks away disappointed]
Ross: Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now.
Monica: Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages. They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games.
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black kaktel dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents.
Ross: My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did you correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be madami fun this way.
Monica: You can't apoy me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.
Monica: My kasabihan is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.
Julie: [Monica has told everyone about Chandler's third nipple] You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick.
Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
Julie: Sorry.
Joey: [during Ross's speech, Joey laughs every time he hears 'homo erectus'] Ha, Ha, he sinabi 'erectus'.
[notices Rachel is also laughing]
Joey: Erectus?
Rachel: [stifling laugh] No, 'homo'.
Mike Hanigan: You're not gonna try and make me sumali a cult are you?
Ross: No...
Mike Hanigan: Oh okay. You just have that look.
Ross: [to himself] Damn SuperCuts!
[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she sinabi "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
[Monica knocks]
Chandler: You can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special pag-ibig that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a pag-ibig based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the pag-ibig that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and pag-ibig and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little madami written... are you ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the pag-ibig that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... ”We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special pag-ibig that Monica and Chandler share. It is a pag-ibig based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the pag-ibig that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and pag-ibig and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
[after catching Ross halik Chandler's mother in front of the male bathroom]
Joey: I'll just go pee in the street.
Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to ilipat out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is matunog na halik dab in the middle of the blue.
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Joey: And you call yourself an accountant?
Chandler: ...No.
[Joey and Chandler apartment has been robbed]
Joey: Aw, man. He took the five of spades.
[looks through deck]
Joey: No, here it is.
Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I've already seen one.
[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I pag-ibig you.
Monica: I pag-ibig you too.
Chandler: Are you hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.
Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
[Ross is wearing a white suit]
Monica: I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders.
Ross: Look, I just came here to tell you guys something.
Rachel: Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?
Joey: And look. A phone in the bathroom.
Monica: Joey, don't ever call me from that phone.
Joey: Want some jam?
Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
