“Uh… No, sire.”
Looking up from the chain-mail that was positively sparkling, Merlin frowned. The prince, his master and his best friend – the one and the only, Arthur Pendragon – clapped his hands together.
“Well, what are you sitting there for, then?”
“You asked me to polish your chain-mail. Gosh, don’t you remember anything these days?” Merlin asked, rolling his eyes.
“I remember how annoying you are,” Arthur muttered. “Anyways, I don’t want you to polish my chain-mail anymore.”
“Sheesh, make up your mind, will you?”
Arthur drew himself up to full height. “I will not have you speaking to your prince like that… or something along those lines.” He grabbed his sword and shoved it into its sheath. “Get up, Merlin, already. We’ve got a busy araw ahead.”
Merlin jumped to his feet. “Where are we going?”
Arthur shrugged. “Dunno,” he sinabi as they walked through the kastilyo corridor. “My father – the almighty and a little jerkish king – asked me – the handsome prince of Camelot – to, uh, go and kill this monster thing that’s been terrorising people down near the northern borders.”
“Down near the northern borders?” Merlin repeated.
“Yes, Merlin, are you deaf?” Arthur shook his head.
“Don’t you mean up near the northern borders?”
Arthur stammered for a moment. “Shut up, I know what I mean. Now stop lagging behind, would you? We haven’t a moment to lose.”
“Yes, sire.”
They found some cute horses in the stables and saddled them. Merlin lead them both through the courtyard of Camelot and once out of the gateway, they both swung onto their steeds.
Arthur tapped his horse’s sides. “Ride like the wind, Bullseye!”
The horse leapt pasulong and began galloping away. Merlin urged his horse after them. “Don’t let him out of my sight. God knows he’ll die without me.”
After a few hours of riding, they stopped to rest beside a fallen tree. The forest was buzzing with life around them. Literally. There were, like, hundreds of bees all flying around, doing what bees do.
“Hey, Merlin,” sinabi Arthur as they sat on the fallen puno and ate some mani mantikilya sandwiches. “You remember that time when there was that dragon and it was destroying Camelot and everything? And then I stabbed it, got knocked out and it flew off?”
Merlin shook his head. “No, I don’t recall any of this.” He looked at Arthur. “You sure you didn’t just dream it all up?”
“Be serious for once.”
“Sorry. Yeah, what about it?”
“Well…” Arthur began.
But before he could finish, a loud whooshing noise suddenly surrounded them. The horses spooked and pulled away, galloping off into the forest. Arthur jumped up and pulled out his sword as he and Merlin stared ahead of them where something was slowly appearing. A small, blue box materialised out of thin air in front of Merlin and Arthur, who stared at it with mouths open.
Then the whooshing stopped.
The door swung open and two people stepped out, in the middle of an argument. A pretty good looking guy in a brown suit and a woman with red hair.
“…said we were going to Hawaii!” she was saying. “And then suddenly, no. We’re going to wet, rainy, cold–”
“Yes, yes, Donna, I know,” sinabi the man in the suit. “But this is madami fun, eh? Bit of sword fighting, castles, all of that.” He stopped, finally catching sight of Merlin and Arthur, staring at them in shock. The man in the suit grinned. “Hello. I’m the Doctor.”
“Yeah, and I’m Donna,” sinabi the woman. “Nice sword.”
Arthur shoved his sword back into the sheath. “I’m Prince Arthur of Camelot.”
“And I’m Merlin,” sinabi Merlin.
“The Merlin?” Donna asked. “Like in the legends? The Merlin that’s the greatest–”
“You aren’t sorcerers, are you?” Arthur interrupted. “Because my daddy-o ain’t much of a tagahanga of sorcerers.”
“Oh, no, we aren’t sorcerers,” sinabi the Doctor. “Your dad would be Uther, right?”
“Yeah,” sinabi Merlin before Arthur could answer. “And let me just say, thank God Arthur isn’t anything like his father. He’d be madami of a prat than he already is.”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him, he’s an idiot.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” sinabi Donna. “Arthur and Merlin? As in King Arthur and Merlin?”
“Not yet,” the Doctor muttered, then he frowned at Merlin. “Have I met you before?”
Merlin shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t think I’ve ever met you before. Have you visited Camelot recently?”
“No, this is my first time.” The Doctor looked around. “So this is Camelot? Nice. I like it. It’s… foresty.”
“This is the kingdom of Camelot, the castle’s over there somewhere,” sinabi Arthur, waving his hand vaguely in the direction of Camelot. “We’re on a mission to the northern borders. We’re going to find this creature that’s been terrorising towns and kill it. Well, hopefully.”
“Sorry we can’t help you,” sinabi Donna. “We were just on our way to Hawaii, must be going.”
“Hold on,” sinabi Merlin. “That blue box. What is that? And how’d you even get here if you aren’t sorcerers?”
“It’s a time machine,” sinabi the Doctor. “Called the TARDIS – Totally Awesome Radical Dude In Space. That’s me.” He grinned. “We were going to Hawaii until I picked up these readings on the thingymajingy. I think your monster and my alien are the same thing.”
“Oh, no,” sinabi Donna. “We are not going on a monster hunt through slushy, old England. Don’t even think about it, spaceman.”
“You want to come with us?” Arthur asked.
“No,” sinabi Donna.
“Yes,” sinabi the Doctor.
“Cool!” sinabi Merlin.
“’Cept we don’t have any transport because the horses freaked out and ran off,” sinabi Arthur. “Could we have a lift to the northern borders?”
“Yeah, my TARDIS can get us there yesterday!” the Doctor sinabi while Donna grumbled.
“Don’t you think it would be a bit crowded?” Merlin asked. “I mean, there’s four of us and it looks pretty small.”
The Doctor opened the door. “See for yourself.”
Merlin and Arthur stepped inside.
Merlin’s jaw dropped.
“WHOA, NELLY!” Arthur exclaimed. “It’s, like, bigger on the inside! How is that possible?”
“Dunno, man,” sinabi Merlin. “Unless it’s some weird magical thing.”
“Jethro!” the Doctor exclaimed. “That’s who you remind me of.”
Merlin frowned. “Excusez moi?”
“Ooh, French,” sinabi Donna.
“You look like this guy I met once,” he said. “Jethro his name was. Weird, he looked exactly like you.”
“He must’ve been upset about that,” sinabi Arthur.
“Shut up, I’m trying to think,” sinabi Merlin. He frowned. “Years and years ago, my twin brother disappeared. His name was Jethro. You reckon that could be him?”
“What was he like?” the Doctor asked.
“Um… Well, he looked like me, except he was emo. His fingernails were black and…” Merlin paused. “And there’s something else.”
“What?” the Doctor questioned.
“Yeah, tell us, Merlin,” sinabi Donna earnestly.
“Yeah, I bet it’s going to be real exciting,” sinabi Arthur sarcastically.
Merlin looked around at everyone. “Well, he was my evil twin.”
Da da daaaaa!
What will happen next?
Honestly, I don’t even know!
4. Hand him a sword and helmet and tell him that Arthur requires his services as a practicing dummy.
