I've liked the great ..singer, Michael Jackson, for a while back..I remember when I was a kid and I was watching TV and I was hearing about MJ..and I've always loved his music.
But just the rythm. I used to like the songs. They were awesome !! I found a notebook from when I was younger and there's this section with my fav songs and MJ's Earth song and Thriller are there.. I liked the songs.. The rest I didn't care about..I remember being afraid of his face..I don't know..weird memory..
But I loved his music.

I grew up and I got the meaning of the lyrics..and I was amazed..His lyrics are so beautiful..

I remember joining this spot and then leaving it because I didn't like the spot icon..stupid right ? :(
It was all back then.


Well...he..died. I joined this spot after he died again but..

The susunod araw after his death.. I thought about joining the spot again..

You see, before, I didn't know Michael had done such amazing things. I didn't know about the speeches. I didn't know about the kids he's helped, the money he gave for great causes. I just liked the music..about the charges.. I didn't think he was guilty of doing bad things (I remember even now watching TV and there was the trial problem and there he was under the umbrella)..because his lyrics were too great so he had to be amazing too.. But I didn't know him.. really know him. I knew about the singer, the dancer, not the person.

And his..his....his death....his ..after he died..I .. since he's left, I've been trying to find out madami things about him, memorise things he's said, remember the moments I lived in my childhood.. seeing him on TV and all that..I've been trying to gather madami and madami information so I can let the world know I am his tagahanga and I want to make him live forever.

I want to keep him alive..I don't want anyone to forget him.. my family and everybody in this world.. I want to know things about Michael because he is the kindest person in the world. The kindest I know.

I now know this is the right way and the world has to see it too. I am trying to ipakita the world I have been blessed with pag-ibig and I want to give it to everyone..so that we can all live in love.


But...actually things are awful if I think of it this way - :( I feel angry with me. I feel terrible because I realise.. I discovered all this after he died.

I sometimes feel ..he had to die so I could see how wonderful he was ? I hate it. I hate myself for that. I wish he were alive to keep giving. He was amazing. And I wish I could see all this before..

I hate that I've known madami about him since he passed. And when I hear these people..saying "ooh..you are a fake MJ fan. I pag-ibig him since.. 19_ _ whatever and you just think you pag-ibig him but you don't".. :( " I pag-ibig Michael more" .. "You are not a true fan!"

It's killing me.

What is a true tagahanga ?
If someone has a definition and it totally includes really knowing Michael for a long time before his death, I am not a tagahanga either.


..I just see people who care. Yes, after he died they started to care but they are people who chose to believe in Michael. People who wanted to know him, who gave him a chance. And if they say they pag-ibig him, that is GREAT. It's great ! How could I judge them ? How could I tell them I pag-ibig Michael madami than they do ? Who am I ? How could anyone judge them ?


I am nobody in this world. I only have myself to judge and I wish I had started to be interested in MJ's pag-ibig and life way earlier. But that doesn't mean I pag-ibig him less.

I hate it. He is not here anymore.. and since he died I got to know madami about him. And pag-ibig him more. It's so..hard..to live with this..but I bet there are a lot of persons who wish knew MJ before or who wish they were born earlier..and so on..

I just wish everyone would accept that you CAN be an MJ tagahanga even if you started loving him after he passed.


Maybe..Imagining MJ was alive now.. Maybe I would be just another tagahanga of his music..as I used to be.

It kills me..but it is true..
And I think that dividing MJ fans in real fans and not real fans is soo sad :(