Tony: What happened?
Maxxie: Anwar's just switched about me being... y'know
Tony: Blonde?
Maxxie: No!
Tony: Short?
Maxxie: Gay!
Tony: [pause] Shall I give you head?
Maxxie: What?
Tony: [grins] Cheer you up
Maxxie: For fuck's sake! You're supposed to be my friend Tony and I come in here with a problem, okay?
[Tony kisses Maxxie]
Maxxie: You fuck
Tony: We're in Russia! I wanna try something new
Maxxie: I'm, not a hobby Tony. You're not taking up canoeing here
Tony: I've been canoeing
Maxxie: What about Michelle?
Tony: Loves canoeing

Michelle: Tony.
Tony: Yes, Lips?
Michelle: Have you got something to tell me?
Tony: Um, I dunno. I like your hair? No. Your top's nice. I pag-ibig you? Any of those?
Michelle: No.

Sid Jenkins: All right, Maxx?
Maxxie: No.
Tony: Why?
Maxxie: Well, Anwar's decided to become a Muslim.
Sid Jenkins: What, like, madami Muslim than he was already?
Maxxie: A bit madami Muslim, yeah.

Tony: What happened?
Maxxie: He's just, like, switched about me being, you know...
Tony: Blonde?
Maxxie: No.
Tony: Short?
Maxxie: Gay!
Tony: Shall I give you head?
Maxxie: What?
Tony: It'll cheer you up.

[after Tony has kissed Maxxie]
Tony: We're in Russia. I want to try something new.
Maxxie: I'm not a hobby, Tony. I'm not taking up canoeing here.
Tony: I've been canoeing.
Maxxie: What about Michelle?
Tony: Loves canoeing.
Maxxie: Tony!

[after Tony goes down on Maxxie]
Maxxie: Tony... we finally found something you're not actually good at.
Tony: What?
Maxxie: Good night, Tony. I'll find somewhere else to sleep.
Tony: What?

[the morning after Michelle has seen Tony and Maxxie together]
Michelle Richardson: Tony...
Tony: Yes, Nips?
Michelle Richardson: Have you got something to tell me?
Tony: Um, I don't know. I like your hair?
[Michelle stares at him in disbelief]
Tony: No? Your top's nice? I pag-ibig you?
[pause]
Tony: Any of those?
Michelle Richardson: No.

Anwar: Now what?
Angie: Just walk on!
Anwar: I'm trying to but they just look so disappointed that I'm not a terrorist.
Tony Stonem: Well, you're a very dull Muslim, Anwar.

Maxxie: Well, he's just like switched about me being you know...
Tony Stonem: Blond?
Maxxie: No.
Tony Stonem: Short?
Maxxie: Gay.
Tony Stonem: Should I give you head?
Maxxie: What?
Tony Stonem: Cheer you up.

Maxxie: You fuck.
Tony Stonem: We're in Russia. I want to try something new.
Maxxie: I'm not a hobby, Tony. You're not taking up canoeing here.
Tony Stonem: I've been canoeing.
Maxxie: What about Michelle?
Tony Stonem: Loves canoeing.

Tony Stonem: I'll give you head. That's friendship.

Sid: I think I'm about to deliver.
Tony Stonem: Great, just in time for Heathrow security.