Everything was crashing down.

My heart

My mind

My soul

My entire being

My very existence

All of them used to lie before her, at her feet. Now, they lay crushed on the ground.

I never knew heaven could exist on earth before I met her.

I never knew happiness.

I never knew beauty of life.

I never knew hope – blind fierce hope

I never knew love.

I never knew pain – pain that gnaw my insides slowly, excruciatingly.

I never knew tears.

I wish this very moment in my tormented life that gravity never existed so that it never learned how to pull water from my eyes. So that at least for this very instance, when I am in great pain, I wouldn’t need to cry.

My tears fell noiselessly on the ground.

How did I let this happen?

How did I let myself hope? Hope that she could pag-ibig me, Hope that I could stay beside her so that I could pretend.

How could she pag-ibig me when she didn’t know the truth about me?

If she knew the truth…she wouldn’t dare…

I should have known better than to let myself fall for her.

But how could I not fall for her?
I existed because she does.

I was created for her.

I breathe because she breathes.

But falling in pag-ibig was not part of the plan.

Seduce her

Make her fall in pag-ibig with me

Then, ask or force her to sumali us

That was the plan.

The plan that was doomed to fail because I refused to hurt her. I would rather face death than hurt her.

How could I hurt her when she made this nagyelo puso of mine come to life? How could I when I fell immediately in pag-ibig the moment I laid my eyes on her?

How could I cause her pain when I wished she was mine?

How could I not wish she was mine when my ears wish to hear only her voice, when my hands yearned to touch only her face, when my lips craved to drown in the sweetness of her lips?

My will

My strength

My purpose in this damned existence

They were stripped away from me, pulled away sa pamamagitan ng the gravity of what I feel for her.

Only my puso remained.

Though badly bruised, though hopeless, it continued to beat.

Each beat offered to her.

Only to her

She who can never be mine

She who belonged to another

She who showed me happiness, life, love, hope and now pain.

Renesmee. My enemy. My love.