Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. You can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.
Pros
The Volturi
Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, you know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and you hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Bampira do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole matunog na halik down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all you Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Bampira on Buffy.
The lobo Clan
Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the mga lobo (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the lobo clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.
Jacob
Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So you can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. You Team Jacob fans, I now consider you semi-sane because you recognized a HEALTHY relationship. pagpaparangal to you guys.
Cons
Bella...you there?
I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely sa pamamagitan ng her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her mga kaibigan at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even madami with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole taon older than your 107 taon old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to pag-ibig you anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.
How is she special too btw?
If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected sa pamamagitan ng any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!
Edward...dude wtf?!
Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in pag-ibig with you throws you into a glass mesa for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons you in the forest. A car ride tahanan would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass mesa for her protection? That was totally safe. You know, because she was bleeding even madami profusely after the mesa than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started ipinapakita up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to you like that you can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I pag-ibig you". Nice.
OMG a Plot Point!!!
Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, or whenever anyone sinabi Bella was pagganap crazy. If anyone spoke reason or a plot point appeared, it did not ipakita again.
Lupin's lobo Looked Better...
The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those mga lobo were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even madami laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.
That's What She Said!
There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want you to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If you don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.
Blocked
Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face manuntok high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.
Overall
Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. You Team Jacobers, you got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless you want a really good laugh then sa pamamagitan ng all means do. Oh and one madami thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
Pros
The Volturi
Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, you know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and you hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Bampira do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole matunog na halik down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all you Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Bampira on Buffy.
The lobo Clan
Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the mga lobo (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the lobo clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.
Jacob
Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So you can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. You Team Jacob fans, I now consider you semi-sane because you recognized a HEALTHY relationship. pagpaparangal to you guys.
Cons
Bella...you there?
I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely sa pamamagitan ng her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her mga kaibigan at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even madami with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole taon older than your 107 taon old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to pag-ibig you anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.
How is she special too btw?
If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected sa pamamagitan ng any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!
Edward...dude wtf?!
Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in pag-ibig with you throws you into a glass mesa for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons you in the forest. A car ride tahanan would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass mesa for her protection? That was totally safe. You know, because she was bleeding even madami profusely after the mesa than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started ipinapakita up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to you like that you can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I pag-ibig you". Nice.
OMG a Plot Point!!!
Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, or whenever anyone sinabi Bella was pagganap crazy. If anyone spoke reason or a plot point appeared, it did not ipakita again.
Lupin's lobo Looked Better...
The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those mga lobo were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even madami laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.
That's What She Said!
There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want you to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If you don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.
Blocked
Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face manuntok high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.
Overall
Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. You Team Jacobers, you got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless you want a really good laugh then sa pamamagitan ng all means do. Oh and one madami thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
1) Edward
2)Bella
3)Alice
4)Seth
5)Emmett
6)Esme
7)Renesmee
8)Carlisle
9)Jasper
10)Rosalie
11)Jacob
12)Carmen
13)Kate
14)Benjamin
15)Renee
16)Angela
17)Eleazar
Thank you Stephenie for creating these amazing characters and sharing them with all of us.These characters will stay with me in my puso forever,long after Twilight comes to an end.
Dreamed last night about a time and place
Where from our troubles we had escaped
I held your hand and I felt complete
As you turned and sinabi to me
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
You and me, we will be
Years went sa pamamagitan ng and nothing changed
The pag-ibig we shared just stayed the same
As hair grew grey on tuktok of our heads
Every night I quietly said
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
You and me, we will be
Only a dream
Only a dream
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
You and me, we will be
Where from our troubles we had escaped
I held your hand and I felt complete
As you turned and sinabi to me
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
You and me, we will be
Years went sa pamamagitan ng and nothing changed
The pag-ibig we shared just stayed the same
As hair grew grey on tuktok of our heads
Every night I quietly said
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
You and me
You and me, we will be
Only a dream
Only a dream
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
You and me, we will be
I done me wrong
I done all wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite long
I done all wrong
I done me wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite, quite long
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
If you’re doing wrong
If you done all wrong
You can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite long
If you done all wrong
You’re doing wrong
You can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite, quite long
All the wrong you done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong you done
Will be undone in song
We’re doing wrong
We all done wrong
If we did no wrong
I’m sure we would be gone
I done all wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite long
I done all wrong
I done me wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite, quite long
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
If you’re doing wrong
If you done all wrong
You can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite long
If you done all wrong
You’re doing wrong
You can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite, quite long
All the wrong you done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong you done
Will be undone in song
We’re doing wrong
We all done wrong
If we did no wrong
I’m sure we would be gone
A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires
And you can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But you don’t feel any better
(In my eyes
In my eyes)
Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better
(In my eyes
A better place)
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
Allows the voices in
They wanna push you off the path
With their frequency wires
And you can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But you don’t feel any better
(In my eyes
In my eyes)
Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
You wish you felt better
You wish you felt better
(In my eyes
A better place)
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
You can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
Ah, ah, ah ,ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I seek you out
Flay you alive
One madami word and you won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through you any hour
I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for you to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I seek you out
Flay you alive
One madami word and you won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through you any hour
I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for you to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
The oras has begun
Your eyes have now opened
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for you pag-ibig always
Your eyes have now opened
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my pag-ibig always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for you pag-ibig always
When the thorn palumpong turns white that’s when I’ll come home
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back tahanan with me
Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long
Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there
In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear you calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come tahanan how will I ever leave
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back tahanan with me
Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long
Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there
In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear you calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come tahanan how will I ever leave
They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little madami fun.
Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple
Do you think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?