Summary: She loves him, madami than anything; but she can't have him. So she takes the only option she can see as the way out. Suicide. But it fails. And how much will one week in a coma let her pag-ibig find his way to her?
Rating: T for attempt of suicide, pangkalahatang dark themes

Prologue

Death should be painless. Pain should be painless. Losing your best friend should be painless. But most of all, the idea of loving someone so much, when you know you can’t have them, should be painless.

I learned that from the very start, that I would always fall for the wrong guy, or one that I knew I could never pag-ibig as much as I loved Hugh.

He was my best friend, and I was his. We spent nearly all our time together, no matter how much time we spent together working, and it was just that we never seemed to grow tired of one another. Of course, we gave ourselves space, and sometimes I would end up wasting a weekend on my porch with my dogs, or in my studio, painting. But always, I would make time for Hugh and I – no matter when he asked for it.

The mistakes I made, rubbing my relationships in his face, and ignoring the obvious pain and anger in his eyes, weren’t supposed to hurt me too. I was happy, or so I thought I could be; knowing that he would never know how I truly felt about him.

This stationary, the one I’m Pagsulat this letter on, was a gift from him. And I want you all to know that, that is if I wasn’t going to burn this letter. But my secrets need to be kept a secret. I can’t let my feelings come between a married man and his wife, no matter how much pain I am in knowing that he can’t pag-ibig me back.

I should also tell you, whoever may possibly find me, not that you’ll be able to read this letter – that I have the pills beside me.

They are only sleeping pills, but yet, right now, they will save me from becoming the person I fear I will be if I keep this pag-ibig hidden in the dark. I want to die, and trust me, this is not an easy thing for me to say; but I want to.

And now, to you Hugh, this is for you.

I need the pain to go away. I need to end my pag-ibig for you, and not become a distraction to your already ruined marriage. I need to be free of the burden of being madly in pag-ibig with a man who will never pag-ibig me. I need to stop loving you, forever.

And the only way I can do that is death.

You have made me feel complete, no matter what else has ruined me, you make me smile on my worst days, and your eyes have me forever lost.

You are the one who estola my heart, and I don’t want you to give it back.

I pag-ibig you, and even though you will never pag-ibig me back, I want you to know that you mean everything to me. And I can’t go on, knowing that this pag-ibig will leave me broken hearted and alone. I’ve tried to find other guys, to tell myself that ‘us’ is simply a dream, but it’s a lie.
The way you look at me proves that too. And the way you hold me, and smile, even if it’s for a mere segundo as we walk together under an umbrella in a rainy city.

I want to stop loving you Hugh.

But I don’t know any other way; other than this.

Lisa looked up, ignoring the tear that covered her cheeks, and turned her head to the small fireplace in her living room. Already, there was a apoy roaring, and she swallowed as she set the black pen aside, her hands beginning to shake. The moment the paper was in the flames, then there was no turning back from her goal. She had to complete the promise she had made to herself in the letter. She had to give up.

As she crunched the paper stationary in her hands, madami tears slipped down her cheeks, dotting the susunod blank pages in the stationary set. The shaking of her hands increased as she stood, moving slowly towards the fireplace.

Woof. Kapow’s bark made her turn her head slightly, and she gave a longing look to the white dog in the doorway. She knew this would be the end of their safety, and that she was sentencing her animals, the only other pag-ibig she shared in her life, to suffer back in the kennels.

At that thought, there was a quick flick of Lisa’s wrist, and the crumpled stationary landed among the kindle on the fire. The light of the flames reflected in her gray eyes, and she stared, unblinking at the red glow.

Turning her head back to the mesa she had moved from, her eyes now landed on the small bottle of pills besides the stationary. She didn’t know how many it would take to work, but she was going to keep going. At least until he came.

She had called Hugh half an oras ago, at exactly three PM, and told him to come sa pamamagitan ng around four, maybe a few minutos early. And he had agreed.

The chime of her clock, reminding her that Hugh would arrive in half an hour, caused her to jump, and quietly, Lisa crossed the room back to the couch. Sinking onto it, she lifted the kahel plastic bottle in her hands, examining it quietly.

After swallowing a sob, she twisted open the bottle, and shook five of the small round pills into her palm.

Then, one sa pamamagitan ng one, she took them.

As she fell, almost gracefully, to the back of the couch; she turned her head at the ring of the doorbell.

And then she was gone.

- - run to you - -

“She … she’s here, at her place, and so are EMTs.” His voice stuttered, and he stood quietly in a corner of the living room, his eyes on the apoy flames. “Bonnie … I don’t know what happened, they’re bringing her to Cedar Sinai now … god, I’m so sorry.” He gripped the back of a chair for support, his knees going weak as the EMTs carefully moved Lisa’s limp form onto a stretcher, and carried her gently from the room. “I’m going to be with her … please, call the cast for me, and tell them … that I’m going to sit with her.” Hugh swallowed, his hands shaking a bit madami as he turned his gaze away from the white dog who stared curiously at him.

After Bonnie’s worried reply, he closed his phone and started at the offending bottle of pills on the table, the tablets scattered on the wooden surface. Loosening his grip, he swallowed again, heading off after the last EMT, and into the van.

AN: Comments?

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