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posted by Seanthehedgehog
This is another story with Con Mane in it. Right now he is planting explosives in a russian military base disguised as a bar.

Con Mane: Ok time to head up. *walks into bar*
Scarlet: Everytime it rains it rains pennies from heaven *eyes Con*
Con: *walks up madami stairs heading in the bathroom*
Russian pony: Hey. I saw you enter the explosive room.
Con: Oh did you? *fights russian pony*
Scarlet: What are you doing?!
Con: *throws russian into bathtub*
Russian pony: *pulls out gun*
Con: *throws tagahanga into tub which electrocutes the russian pony* Shocking. Positively shocking.

Mares and stallions, I bring to you Goldhoof

Starring Doughnut Joe as Con Mane
applejack as Apples Galore
Big Macintosh as Goldhoof
Applebloom as Bloom
Pinkie Pie as P
Spike as S
A korean parang buriko as Wierdjob
Fenix Lighter as himself, just like every other pony. NOW LETS START THIS

The rest of this part takes place at a hotel in Las Pegasus

Con: Hello Fenix.
Fenix: Con how are you?
Con: Very well. What did you want to ipakita me?
Fenix: I want you to look at that red parang buriko over there *points at Goldhoof*
Con: What about him?
Fenix: That's Goldhoof, he is obsessed with gold, and doesn't like losing. Looks like he's taking another parang buriko to the cleaners.
Con: Has he ever Nawawala before?
Fenix: Never.
Con: Sounds like he's cheating then.
Goldhoof: Alright lets do this.
Gambliing pony: Best two out of three?
Goldhoof: Eeyup *shuffles cards*
Con: I think somepony is feeding him information.
Fenix: What makes you say that?
Con: A filly with binoculars *walks away*

After leaving his best friend Con makes his way into the same room that the filly is in.

Con: Shouldn't you be learning how to not cheat?
Bloom: No I'm learning how to get paid for cheating.
Con: *pulls Bloom away from window* Your too young to do anything with gambling.
Wierdjob: *knocks Con out*

When Con wakes up he finds Bloom laying in a bed. She is completely covered in gold, and is dead.

Con: WHAT KIND OF MONSTER WOULD DO THIS TO A FILLY?!!?

The susunod araw Con returned to the C.I.E headquarters in Canterlot.

P: Did you enjoy your vacation?
Con: Yes, I even saw Fenix.
P: What did he have to say?
Con: He told me about somepony named Goldhoof. He killed a filly sa pamamagitan ng turning her into gold.
P: Well that's interesting, because I have an assignment for you to find Goldhoof. I want you to find out on what he's doing, and if he is a danger to us or not. S here will ipakita you your weapons, gadgets, and car.
Con: Car?
S: That's right. Follow me.

S then takes Con into a room with gadgets being tested.

Con: What's under the tarp?
S: Your car. *pulls tarp* An Aston Maretin DP5
Con: What can it do?
S: I installed some devices on here. One of them you can use to change the license plate in case you get out of an epic car chase. *changes license plate*
Con: Interesting, what about attacking?
S: The only thing close enough for attacking are the oil slicks.
Con: *looks inside car* What button do I press?
S: Easy! You almost pushed the ejector button.
Con: Oh.
S: This also has a radar, and speaking of radar I have a device that will track you down on our radars. One big one, and a small one.
Con: Cool. Anything else?
S: Your usual M1911, but the clip is modified to hold 23 bullets.
Con: How many clips do I get?
S: Five *gives stuff to Con* Goldhoof will be heading to a golf course sa pamamagitan ng the neighagra falls. You will find a grey unicorn as your caddy.
Con: 0008 I gotta go *leaves for golf course*

You all know how golf works, but that doesn't mean they'll play sa pamamagitan ng the rules. Or will they?

It's time to start the golf match. But you must wait!

Con: Hello Goldhoof
Goldhoof: Con, nice to meet you.
0008: Hi Con.
Con: Where is your caddy?
Goldhoof: I'm not sure.
Wierdjob: *arrives scaring Con big time*
Goldhoof: lol, you must excuse wierdjob. He doesn't talk, and does wierd jobs for me.
Con: I noticed.

The match starts, and things get wierd towards the 12th hole.

Goldhoof: *hits golf ball*
Con: Looks like it landed in the rough.
Goldhoof: Damnit

They check to see where it landed.

Con: If you can't find it, then you'll have a 1 stroke penalty
Goldhoof: What?! That aint fair!
Con: We're doing a parody of a movie of course it isn't fair!
Goldhoof: *ragequits*
0008: Too easy
Con: Yeah for you.

After leaving the golf course Con sets one of the radar devices into Goldhoof's car. Con then checks his radar. He follows him, not aware of a another parang buriko following him.

Goldhoof: *hears noise* What's that noise?
Wierdjob: I don't know
Goldhoof: You're not supposed to talk! *stops car*
Con: *stops car*
Lyra: *grabs rifle*
Goldhoof: What is this thing? *throws tracker away*
Lyra: *shoots at Con, and misses*
Con: ...
Lyra: *drives away*

Lyra was chasing Con again, and as a result Con flattened Lyra's tires.

Lyra: You've gotta be kidding me!
Con: Wow a double blow out. How rare.
Lyra: The side of my car is also scratched.
Con: Shouldn't have tried to ram me.

Con then offers Lyra a ride to a service station further down the road.

Con: Why were you following me?
Lyra: I noticed you were trying to follow Goldhoof.
Con: Do you work for him?
Lyra: That isn't your business.
Con: It became my business when I saw a filly he killed.
Lyra: Bloom?
Con: Yes.
Lyra: Ok I'll tell you everything you need to know.

sa pamamagitan ng the time Lyra tells Con everything they get to the service station. Con continues leaving Lyra.

Several hours later Con got toward a factory owned sa pamamagitan ng Goldhoof.

Con: *notices korean ponies driving trucks*
korean parang buriko 56: follow him
Con: *floors it*
korean parang buriko 34: Good thing Wierdjob is with us
Wierdjob: *knods head* Why am i not allowed to talk?
korean parang buriko 34: *hits wierdjob with shovel* that's why!
Con: *activates oil slick*
korean parang buriko 56: *spins out of control off a cliff*
korean parang buriko 35: *blocks road*
Con: *drives in ditch*
Wierdjob: *jumps out of truck*
Con: *runs off*
Korean parang buriko 54: STOP!
Wierdjob: *takes off hat*
Con: *Watches with confusion*
Korean parang buriko 54: Run off and you die from this hat.
Con: and if I stay?
Korean parang buriko 54: We kidnap you

The koreans towed Con's car out of the ditch, and made him get in, following the other trucks.

Korean parang buriko 48: We will turn left here.
Con: Right. *turns right*
Korean parang buriko 48: *pulls out pistol*
Con: *activates ejector seat*
other koreans: *shoot with SMG's*
Wierdjob: *pushes korean parang buriko 34 out of driver seat*
korean parang buriko 67: *shoots Con in shoulder*
Con: *drives into pader knocked out*

20 minutos later Con wakes up to find himself laying on a mesa with Goldhoof standing sa pamamagitan ng him

Goldhoof: First you beat me at golf, then you try to intrude on my factory
Con: I'm sorry. NOT!
Goldhoof: Sarcasm sucks.
Con: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldhoof: No Mr. Mane I expect you to die *activates laser*
Korean parang buriko 44: *plays dramatic music*
Goldhoof: This laser will slowly cut you to death.
Con: You're not even going to interrogate me?
Goldhoof: What could C.I.E possibly know about what I'm up to?
Con: Operation Homerun
Goldhoof: lol two words Mr. Mane. Nothing important to you!
Con: Can you afford to take that chance?!
Goldhoof: Turn it off
korean parang buriko 44: *turns laser off with the ending of music*
Goldhoof: You're quite right Mr. Mane, you're worth madami to me alive
Korean parang buriko 44: *shoots Con with tranquiliser*

After the effects of the tranquilizer wear off Con finds himself on a plane.

Con: Who are you?
mare: My name is Apples Galore
Con: *looks around* Is this a dream?
AG: No. You are flying towards Sweet mansanas Acres.
Con: What for?
AG: We are stealing all the ginto from the largest ginto depository.
Con: Ponyville?
Goldhoof: Eeyup. You are going to be my prisoner/assistant.
Con: What am I helping you with?
Goldhoof: You'll know when the time comes.

The plane lands at the ponyville airport, and Goldhoof takes his "guests" to sweet mansanas acres in a station wagon. WOW

Goldhoof: Lets get your pilots set Apples.
Apples: Get to your airplanes!
pilots: *take off performing tricks*
Con: They're good
Apples: They should be, Ah trained them.
pilot 1: drop the gas!
pilots: *drop gas*

After dropping gas in Ponyville, all the ponies fell asleep. They would remain so for 6 hours. When all the ponies fell asleep, it looked bad. Cars crashed into each other with some of them on their sides, while other ponies fell off balconies, and died.

Korean parang buriko 67: uy I know you.
Con: Yeah, you shot me.
Goldhoof: Allright. Ah would like to thank y'all for coming here.
9 resident stallions: your welcome.
Goldhoof: Now to ipakita you my plan. *shows model of fort corn*
Mr. Olos: What is this?
Goldhoof: This is fort corn. Sort of named after Unicorns.
Mr. Sir Evans: What do you tend to do?
Goldhoof: Steal all the ginto of course.
Mr. Olos: Of course.
Goldhoof: What do you mean sa pamamagitan ng that?
Mr. Olos: You are a redneck trying to steal gold.
Goldhoof: And after that I blow the fort up.
Mr. Smith: What? Are you insane?
Goldhoof: This is a bomb made sa pamamagitan ng koreans, and it will contaminate the ginto so it will be mine, and mine only!
Mr. Olos: This is crazy, I don't want any part of this.
Con: *writes letter*
Goldhoof: Ok, where do you live?
Mr: Olos: Fillydelphia.
Goldhoof: Wierdjob, take Mr. Olos to the trainstation so he can go to Fillydelphia.
Con: *folds letter putting mini tracker in it*
Goldhoof: Take the series 65, and make sure you get the job done.
Wierdjob: *knods head*
Con: *places letter in Mr Olos' shirt*
Goldhoof: Now, lets go steal some gold!

Later in another part of Ponyville

Fenix: Thanks for the coffee.
Waitress: Your welcome, that'll be 1 bit.
Fenix: No problem *pays for coffee with tip*
Shredder: Why am i here again?
Fenix: We need to help Con in case he's been kidnapped sa pamamagitan ng Goldhoof.
Shredder: He's a unicorn, if he gets into any trouble he can use magic to escape.
Fenix: Then they shoot him before he leaves. He probably has his location marked on the radar. *walks to car*
Shredder: What is this?
Fenix: A Dodge Alicorn with spy equipment.
Wierdjob: *drives past Fenix*
Shredder: He must have past us.
Fenix: Lets go then *follows radar*
Mr. Olos: uy the trainstation is that way.
Korean parang buriko 63: This is a quick route
Shredder: He might be in a car on this highway
Fenix: He could be.

But Con was in a stolen troop truck heading into Fort Corn. The parang buriko on Fenix's radar was heading to a scrapyard. He was tied to the chair, and couldn't get out. Wierdjob was going to crush the car.

Mr Olos: You can't do this! Whatever you have planned will fail!
korean parang buriko 63: *shoots Mr, Olos*
Wierdjob: *crushes car*
Shredder: The dot disappeared.
Fenix: That's not like Con at all. We better check fort corn.
Wierdjob: *passes Fenix on other side of road*
Korean parang buriko 63: Why are the remains of the Coltillac behind our truck?
Wierdjob: *shrugs*

Back at Fort mais

Goldhoof: Get the bomb set up at the bottom of the fort, and have Con handcuffed to it.
Korean parang buriko 41: Yes sir.
Con: You're an asno you know that?
Wierdjob: *shows up*
Korean parang buriko 63: The job is done.
Goldhoof: Why did you bring the rest of the car here?
Korean parang buriko 63: We have no idea.
Fenix: Oh boy. Goldhoof is already there. They're holding Con hostage.
Shredder: Let's kill them then.
Fenix: I have a plan *drives backwards doing a burnout*
Goldhoof: What the hay?
Ponyville soldiers: *wake up*
Sgt. Sprinkles: We have intruders!
Korean parang buriko 41: ilipat
Con: Oh kay >:(
korean ponies: *shoot soldiers*
soldiers: *shoot koreans*
Fenix: M.I.3 let me pass!
Sgt. Sprinkles: Sure
Shredder: I'm with him.

Con was taken into the basement where the bomb was only to find Wierdjob.

Con: Oh great
Korean parang buriko 41: *cuffs Con to bomb* You two enjoy yourselves now.
Wierdjob: *hits Con*
Con: *uses magic to get rid of hoofcuffs*
Wierdjob: *hits Con, and pushes him to floor*
Con: *looks at timer, 60 segundos left*
Wierdjob: *throws hat*
Con: *dodges then grabs hat*
Wierdjob: *moves to right*
Con: *throws hat, and misses, hitting a fence*
Wierdjob: *walks toward hat*
Con: *electrifies fence*
Wierdjob: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Fenix: Con!
Con: Which wire do I cut?!
Fenix: The right one!
Con: *cuts wire on right defusing bomb*
Fenix: Ach, that was close.
Con: Too close
Fenix: Yeah. I got you a flight to Canterlot. When Princess Celestia invites you to lunch, you can't say no.

After the fight in Fort Corn, all the korean ponies were either executed or sent to jail.
Con was in the plane when this happened.

Apples: Did y'all miss me?
Con: Very. Where were you?
Apples: Thinking about you.
Goldhoof: You miss her, but not me?
Con: You tried to kill me, of course I don't miss you.
Goldhoof: You've interfeared with mah plans for the last time Mr. Mane!
Con: Be careful pointing mga baril in an airplane. It's not smart.
Goldhoof: Watch me *shoots gun*

At that moment the bullet from Goldhoof's gun richoceted all over the plane then breaking a window.

Goldhoof: OH NO!!
Con: I warned you!
Goldhoof: *falls out window*

The airplane then went flying out of control, then Con, and Apples Galore jumped out with a parachute.

Fenix: OMC CON!!
Apples: M.I.3 is worried about us.
Con: This is no time to be rescued *kisses Apples Galore*

The End
Three guards were watching over the tired up Maggie and Glenn.

"Your ganna pay for this!" Maggie cried angrily.

"Hahaha.. What. Am gonna get my throat slide or something!?" guard one cried, laughing st his own joke.

Suddenly appeared out of nowhere, grabbing the laughing guard from behind, and ironically slitting the guards throat with a large knife.

Before the segundo guard could react Rick body slammed the guard onto a pader and stabbed guard deep into to his hyoid area, killing him almost instantly.

The third guard reached for a kutsilyo and attempted to stab Rick from behind but suddenly an axe was...
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Chuck: (Sits in chair)
TK: Hey, Chuck, guess what. I have your daughter and Stacey
Chuck: Ha, jokes on you, she's invisible
Katey: Dad, seriously, help us
Chuck: You'll never find her
Katey: Dad, please help us
Chuck: She will never fall for your tricks
Katey: .................. I'm invisible
Chuck: Oh my god, there in trouble. I gotta save them (Runs off)
(Later, in Arena)
Chuck: Now, where are the-
TK: (Tazzes him) Now how does that feel
Chuck: AHHH I LIKE PIE
TK: Hm (Tazzes him some more)
(Later)
Chuck: (Wakes up, hanging from rope) Oh, man, all the blood is rushing to my head
Katey: Dad, help
Stacey: Please,...
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Today, I will be reviewing Sonic.EXE 2. Well, how is it. Well, lets just say segundo verse same as the first.... In other words, IT SUCKS.
So, it is about these two detectives, Derek and Chelsea who, oddly, are brother and sister. So, they are investigating this crime about this killer who rips open peoples mouth and carves a number into there chest. The only evidence is a busted computer with the Sonic.EXE game downloaded on it... and let me remind you, they were able to find this on a fucking broken computer.
Anyway, Chelsea starts pagganap weird and Derek comes to the conclusion that Chelsea...
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Oh look, its Jeff the Killer. Jeff the Killer. Jeff the motherfucking Killer. Yeah, well fuc you you overrated prick. You suck.
Incase no one noticed, I fucking hate the Jeff the Killer story. I do. I really do. And why. Well, its a fucking disaster, that's why. It is poorly written, and there was no effort put into it at all. Lets start with that Jeff's brother gets arrested for defending himself. And the court instantly finds him guilty. What kind of fucking trial is that. The court system in Phoenix Wright are better then this fucking place.
Also, when Jeff gets set on fire, I'd like to point...
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???: get in the car Dex

Dex: *gets in car* this is what the hell you do!

???: yep *starts driving*

Dex: I almost got killed 3 times!

*BANG BANG BANG BANG*

Both: holy shi*!

Dex: make that 4 times!

???: hold on!

*ERRRCH*

Dex: why the hell did you bring me along!?

???: you figured out!

Dex: that does not mean that you have to bring me with you!

???: in the pelikula people usually want to tag
along!

Dex: why would you think I would want to tag along on a dangerous mission!?

???: I thought it would be a quick diplomat thing!

Dex: there are 10 guys chasing after us in sport cars!

???: WELCOME TO MY WORLD!
Court Lobby

Swift: Dear lord, that was too close
Lilly: Don't worry. It could have been worse
Swift: Worse?! I don't have much evidence and were bringing in a witness who saw you commit the crime. If I can't get any actual proof, were going to lose this case
Lilly: Don't worry. I know you can do it
Swift: !! W-what
Lilly: Here, I have this
Swift: What's this? A letter... I would like to see you tonight. I only want you to help me bring back the good old days. Please don't refuse. Come to my house at 10:00 on April 1st. Come alone. Signed... MARIAH
Lilly: Yeah, I was a little surprised too
Swift: Why...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
Hello, everyone. Now, Halloween is only a few days away…. Like, ten weeks away… Well, I want to get an early start, so, for all of you, I am going to make ten different tuktok tens for the susunod following Saturdays. And what better way than to start with the tuktok ten demons. Now, demons are the little red creatures that you find lurking the in the depths of hell, or in some part of the media. Now, first some rules. Only one demon per franchise, and only from what I have seen, or played. Also, I am including ANYTHING! Be it movies, games, TV shows, whatever. It’s so that way, I can make these...
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Link: Man, this job is a lot madami fun than I thought (Kills monster) I mean, when do I get to help someone sa pamamagitan ng killing someone (Kills another monster) It’s very rare I get to help out someone and actually have fun doing it (Kills another monster) Okay, I think I finally have enough of these things hearts…. But, I’m in no rush (Continues to kill monsters, then, hears music) What is that? Is it an angel. I got to find it (Hears music behind waterfall) What is this. The music is coming from behind this waterfall (Climbs through waterfall, leading to an empty cave) Oh, a secret cave. Good...
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(Some readers may find this disturbing)

So, what do you get when you get sex, rape, and poor writing..... well, pretty much most of the shit I reviewed, but what if it was a Creepypasta.... Okay, without involving My Little Pony........ You get Dirty Movie.
Now, lets start off with saying the main character is a porn director.... Hate this story already. Anyway, he retires, because I don't know. This couple comes to him, because I don't know, and they ask him to help with their sex life, because I don't know, and the porn director comes out of retirement to help them......... Because I don't...
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................... What the fuck.............. Seriously......... What the fuck................... What is this abomination of a fanfic................ just what the fuck is this disaster..................... Well, one things for sure, it's known only as Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life.
Now, first off, Warning, this is not something you want to see. Unless you are okay with its awfulness, turn back now. Anyway, this fanfic is, THANKFULLY, short. But, there is so much a fanfic can do in just twenty seconds. Trust me, this fanfic does it. And it is horrible. Anyway, it starts with a nine-year-old..........
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Narrator: Long ago, in the kingdom of Hyrule, there lived lots of farmers and only one horse. Suddenly, a giant black guy came and set houses on fire. All hope was lost, until a boy dressed in girls clothes came and defeated the giant black man. The possibly homosexual boy was known as the Hero of Time. The land was in peace for years, until the black guy came back, for some reason, and set stuff on apoy again. People hoped the hero would return, but he never did and everyone realized he was just a fucking poser. What happened to the land of Hyrule. None remain who know....... Wait, then how...
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So, I want to talk about an amazing anime that has so many fans. I watched it, and I can see why people like it so much… BUT, although I do like it… It has its problems. That anime is Death Note.
Now, Death Note is an anime that is about a school student named Light Yagami, who finds a dangerous book called the Death Note, which gives him the ability to kill anyone whose name is written in the book. This then leads him to create a new world order and kill all the worlds criminals, but he is then being hunted down sa pamamagitan ng the police and L, the worlds greatest detective, but always manages to stay...
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Link: Okay, so, what do we do susunod on Windfall
Tetra: Well, there is this teacher named Ms. Marie who is having problems with a group of kids.
Link: ...... Why do I give a fuck
Tetra: A reward involving a thousand dollars and your own tropical island
Link: Wait, are you serious.
Tetra: Yep
Link: ........... Your bullshitting me
Tetra: Why don't you find out then
Link: .....................
(Later, at Ms. Maries school)
Ms. Marie: Oh, young boy, please help me, I-
Link: Yeah, don't worry, I'll fix the problem
Ms. Marie: You will? Oh tha-
Link: Yeah, shut up (Walks out)
(Later, outside)
Link: Okay, now, where...
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Link: I swear to god, this is a bunch of bullshit. We have met two people, and got shitty rewards.
Tetra: Well, we still got one madami person on this island to talk to. Mesa
Link: Mesa. You mean the lazy bum
Tetra: Well, I'm sure he has a good quest for us
(Later, at Mesa's house)
Mesa: Cut my grass
Link: ........ Really. Cut the grass. I swear, I am doing chores for lazy as shit people.
Mesa: You want your reward or not
Link: Well, fine (Walks out and cuts the grass)
Tetra: Well, sure, things may be boring, but, at least we're getting a reward
Link: Really? What? Ten dollars for the kendi store
Tetra:...
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Nate: (Driving through city with Emma and Chris) I can't believe we have to go and get money for a couple of punks
Emma: At least we'll be safe
Chris: Yeah. I just want to find a place where we can eat. God, I'm starving
Nate: Christ, please, just, stay quiet
Chris: Fine, I'll just keep quiet and starve to death
Nate: Good. Do that (Keeps driving, until he comes to bank, only to see a large truck in front of it) What the- (Nate gets out of car) Guys, stay here. I'll be right back (Walks into bank to see robbers trying to brake into the safe, sa pamamagitan ng setting explosives on it)
Robber 1: Come on, man. We...
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Tingle: Oh, hello aga-
Link: GIVE ME THE FUCKING MAP
Tinge: Well, lets see (Counts bag of rupees) Well, it seems to be about right. Here is your map
Link: GREAT! HOW MUCH MAPS DO I NEED LEFT
Tingle: Hmm...... About four
Link: THANK YOU (Leaves)
King of Red Lions: So, where is the susunod Triforce shard
Link: ON SOME STUPID ISLAND
King of Red Lions: Then let us be off
Link: GOOD IDEA
King of Red Lions: ......Um...... Why are you still yelling. You've been doing that ever since we left the Wind Temple
Link: I TOLD YOU! I'M REALLY FUCKING PISSED
King of Red Lions: Oh right
TO BE CONTINUED
Final pantasiya 7 - Cloud: Okay, everyone, now once were inside, we will have to face an large amount of enemies that come out of nowhere, for some reason, is everybody ready
Everyone: No
Cloud: Okay, lets go (Runs in)
Enemy: Boo, mother fucker
Cloud: Quick, everyone, lets kill him. Barret. Tifa. Go
Barret: Alright, take this (Shoots and misses) Shit
Tifa: Okay. Here I go (Punches but misses) What the fuck. How stupid does someone have to be to miss a punch. They enemies aren't even moving
Enemies: Okay, our turn
Tifa: Quick, while they're attacking, lets kick their asses
Cloud: Tifa, we can't do that,...
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People say that My Immortal is the worst Fanfic ever. Yes, its bad. I mean really bad, but no, it is not the worst. That is The Pokemon Story. Fuck, My Immortal isn't even the worst Harry Potter fanfiction. Yeah, I was surprised to find a fanfic worse then My Immortal, but I'm surprised I found a worse Harry Potter fanfic. The story in tanong is Lucius and Draco Malfoy in Squick... Don't know what Squick means. Don't worry, you will after this review and you'll regret it in the end.
So, we start of with Lucius being disappointed in his son, Draco, and is going to punish him. Okay, so it doesn't...
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