Hey, it’s Sonic…….. (Cough, cough). Yeah, if I were to shout Sonic back in the 90s, I’m sure everyone would have cheered like crazy. Nowadays, Sonic is just a shell of it’s former self, being the talk of worst games ever or cringe worthy tagahanga art. Blame it on the video game industry wanting to make a quick buck. Sonic has made so many terrible mistakes and lied so much, he might as well be a politician. Now, do I hate Sonic. No… well, not as much as most people. He had some good games back in his golden days, but those days are in the past now, and Sonic is making madami mistakes than a celebrity with a cocaine addiction. So, how about we talk about the ten biggest mistakes that Sonic has made, and then get lynched sa pamamagitan ng the fans in the process. Whatever, I was bound to be killed sometime.
#10: Shadow the Hedgehog
I remember when there was a time Shadow was supposed to die. Clearly, Sega had other plans for him… now I wish Shadow would have stayed dead if I knew that this was the susunod game he would appear in. It tried to take the dark approach to a kids game, like Bomberman did with that dreadful piece of shit Act Zero game. And how did Shadow the Hedgehog fair? Pretty much the same. It was a broken mess with a crappy story and shit gameplay. And the music was just insane. I thought I was playing a Sonic game. So why does the music sound like it’s from Devil May Cry. Though, none of the first four, cause that would require good music. It sounds like the music from DMC. Many fans are split on whether they like this game or not. But, let’s face it. Shadow the Hedgehog truly sucks all dicks.
#9: Sonic Labyrinth
What is Sonic best known for? Is it his voice? No! Is it his hair? No! Is it the gratuitous amounts of porn of him on the internet? N- Wait, what the fuck? No! It’s his speed. So, what happens when you take away his speed? You get a shitty game like this. Sonic Labyrinth for the Sega Game Gear was the original worst Sonic game ever. Seeing as how Nintendo released the terrible Hotel Mario one taon earlier, Sega seemed that they wanted to suck shit just like Nintendo, and so they created Sonic Labyrinth. The game was slow, dull, and for a game slow and dull, it controlled like shit. People have claimed that Sonic Labyrinth is the worst game on the entire Game Gear, which I have to disagree with, because everything associated with the Game Gear is a fucking mess.
#8: Bigs the Cat
Here is the first non-video game related fuck up on Sega’s part… And boy, what a fuck up it is. Bigs is giant purple cat who is very “special” with a frog named Froggy who can’t stand Bigs, which is why he tries to kill himself sa pamamagitan ng jumping into Chaos just to get away from the fat bastard. Sadly, if anyone had gotten through Bigs’ shitty story in Sonic Adventure, you know that Froggy would not taste the sweet release of death, as he was indeed saved sa pamamagitan ng Bigs, and his shitty fishing rod. And this guy came back yet again in Sonic bayani on team Amy. I wouldn’t be shocked if Amy and Cream invited him on a special ed field trip and let him think he was helping sa pamamagitan ng giving him a ginto bituin for effort. And if you think that I am being harsh because he may have mental issues, than how is it any different from Youtube commenters?
#7: Sonic Underground
First terrible Sonic cartoon ever made. The best way to describe the creation of Sonic Underground is this: “Kids are stupid. Kids like Sonic. Kids have money. Let’s make a ipakita about Sonic. We may not know shit about him, but like I said, kids are stupid. They won’t notice”. I grew up with Sonic games. I was nine years old when first watched this crap, and I fucking knew that this shit sucked at the age of nine. Sonic now has these two siblings whose names do not matter, and they are looking for their mother, while fighting Eggman. No, not with their powers, but with a fucking guitar. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was watching fucking Fooly Cooly. At least Fooly Cooly had a purpose to exist. Sonic Underground’s purpose to exist is to be a cash cow and take money from your kids when the shitty merchandise comes out.
#6: Sonic X (Mostly Chris Thorndyke)
Hey, Hapon can fuck up with their shows too. Sonic X was trying to do a Sonic cartoon right, but sadly, just like the Titanic, disaster struck. The first problem is who got their hands on the dub. 4Kids, the xenophobes of television. Anything Hapon related in this ipakita was completely taken out, and hell, even the shit that wasn’t Japanese, like obvious English text, was replaced with pictures, because they think kids are too stupid to read. The susunod was that sa pamamagitan ng season two, the ipakita became a mess of crap. Just walang tiyak na layunin shit because people were sucked into the garbage and decided to watch it, letting the studio make madami money off of it. Then there was Chris Thorn-Dick! A clingy spoiled little shit who always gets what he wants, and has a hard on for Sonic, to the point where his obsession makes fucking Yuno Gasai look tame. Honestly, one time, I thought he had fallen in pag-ibig with Sonic when I watched an episode as a kid. It doesn’t seem so different today as I thought back then.
#5: Sonic tagahanga Art
Ever since Sonic had reached the age of the internet, his entire status was changed forever. Now, DeviantArt is filled with wannabe OC’s that are far from original, shipping with characters from completely different sources, and a whole bunch of porn that would make someone want to throw out their computer just to keep someone from finding their paghahanap history. I wish I had madami to say, but….. Sonic porn… What madami do you need me to say?
#4: Sonic 06
Oh, Sega, you done fucked up this time. Sonic 06 was made to celebrate the fifteenth anniversary for Sonic the Hedgehog. However, since Sega had dollar signs in their eyes, they wanted this game to be rushed out before December to get it ready. What was released was a broken mess of a game that contains terrible graphics, poor gameplay, broken controls, unreliable camera, and a fuck-ton of glitches that make the game unplayable. The game didn’t even look like a Sonic game until Sonic was on screen. Before that, it looked like Final Fantasy…. Thirteen (I’m never gonna stop talking about how much I hate that game). And one scene in the game that basically had this game earn its spot as one of the worst video games of all time, and it certainly deserves it.
#3: Sonic Free Riders
What worse than playing Sonic 06 on a PS3 or Xbox 360? How about playing Sonic 06 on the fucking Kinect. We all know the Kinect for having such wonderful games like Kinect bituin Wars, Kinect Party, Kinect Nat Geo TV, Dragon Ball Z Kinect, fucking anything with Kinect in the title, and that piece of shit Steel Battalion game. But Sonic Free Riders was made to be a huge seller, and instead, was a huge shitter. The controls suck so bad, that the menu screen is barely functional. The motion controls do fuck all, making you crash into walls. You need to bend your back to the point where the game actually physically harms you. And if you want to play with some friends, be prepared for an awkward night, as co-op in this game as you push your body as close as possible to your friend just to play. Is this Sonic or a masochist's wet dream?
#2: Sonic and Elise Kiss
I know that this was part of Sonic 06, but this scene was so fucking bad, that it may as well have it’s own spot, just for how fucking terrible it is. So, I would say spoilers, but none of you are going to play this piece of shit. So Sonic dies and the crew can’t get him back. So, Elise, a human princess with no fucking personality or, especially, purpose, she then kisses Sonic on the lips, and that brings him to life………….. If I hadn’t screamed at this and tried to shatter my Xbox the first time I saw this scene, I would have completely destroyed everything. Basically, we are dealing with possibly the worst sort of Pagsulat since Twilight. Not to mention the worst shipping since Pokemon characters. This is exactly why I despise Sonic 06. Not the glitches, not the gameplay, not the camera. FUCKING THIS!
#1: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
Rise of Lyric is as low as you can possibly get with Sonic the goddamn Hedgehog. First off, the redesigns. Everything completely changed, especially Knuckles. But, I could learn to live with that…. I know the Sonic fans couldn’t but I could. Then I bought the game, and EVERYTHING fell apart instantly. Within five seconds, I fell through the world and died. Yeah, the tutorial is fucking broken. The world is empty like the fucking rapture happened, characters never shut up, combat is just one button, the levels are bland and uninteresting, it is impossible to die, and glitches are frequent everywhere. At least Sonic 06 was funny in a so bad it’s good kind of way to some people and was salvageable in some way. Sonic Boom has nothing of value to be salvaged. This game is so goddamn bad, that I wouldn’t be shocked if this was the game that actually killed all of fucking Sega. Sonic 06 sucked bad enoug, but Sonic was starting to do better with games like Sonic mga kulay and Sonic Generations. But after this, I think it may be the Daikatana of Sonic, to where it is so bad, it destroys a reputation. I’d say better luck susunod time, Sonic, but ibingiay how shitty this game is, there may not be a susunod time ever again.
So…. what madami can I say. Sonic is basically the video game equivalent of what heroine can do to you. He was fucked so hard sa pamamagitan ng Sega, he could file for rape. But, in a world where business squeeze their mascots for madami cash, what do you expect. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take.
#10: Shadow the Hedgehog
I remember when there was a time Shadow was supposed to die. Clearly, Sega had other plans for him… now I wish Shadow would have stayed dead if I knew that this was the susunod game he would appear in. It tried to take the dark approach to a kids game, like Bomberman did with that dreadful piece of shit Act Zero game. And how did Shadow the Hedgehog fair? Pretty much the same. It was a broken mess with a crappy story and shit gameplay. And the music was just insane. I thought I was playing a Sonic game. So why does the music sound like it’s from Devil May Cry. Though, none of the first four, cause that would require good music. It sounds like the music from DMC. Many fans are split on whether they like this game or not. But, let’s face it. Shadow the Hedgehog truly sucks all dicks.
#9: Sonic Labyrinth
What is Sonic best known for? Is it his voice? No! Is it his hair? No! Is it the gratuitous amounts of porn of him on the internet? N- Wait, what the fuck? No! It’s his speed. So, what happens when you take away his speed? You get a shitty game like this. Sonic Labyrinth for the Sega Game Gear was the original worst Sonic game ever. Seeing as how Nintendo released the terrible Hotel Mario one taon earlier, Sega seemed that they wanted to suck shit just like Nintendo, and so they created Sonic Labyrinth. The game was slow, dull, and for a game slow and dull, it controlled like shit. People have claimed that Sonic Labyrinth is the worst game on the entire Game Gear, which I have to disagree with, because everything associated with the Game Gear is a fucking mess.
#8: Bigs the Cat
Here is the first non-video game related fuck up on Sega’s part… And boy, what a fuck up it is. Bigs is giant purple cat who is very “special” with a frog named Froggy who can’t stand Bigs, which is why he tries to kill himself sa pamamagitan ng jumping into Chaos just to get away from the fat bastard. Sadly, if anyone had gotten through Bigs’ shitty story in Sonic Adventure, you know that Froggy would not taste the sweet release of death, as he was indeed saved sa pamamagitan ng Bigs, and his shitty fishing rod. And this guy came back yet again in Sonic bayani on team Amy. I wouldn’t be shocked if Amy and Cream invited him on a special ed field trip and let him think he was helping sa pamamagitan ng giving him a ginto bituin for effort. And if you think that I am being harsh because he may have mental issues, than how is it any different from Youtube commenters?
#7: Sonic Underground
First terrible Sonic cartoon ever made. The best way to describe the creation of Sonic Underground is this: “Kids are stupid. Kids like Sonic. Kids have money. Let’s make a ipakita about Sonic. We may not know shit about him, but like I said, kids are stupid. They won’t notice”. I grew up with Sonic games. I was nine years old when first watched this crap, and I fucking knew that this shit sucked at the age of nine. Sonic now has these two siblings whose names do not matter, and they are looking for their mother, while fighting Eggman. No, not with their powers, but with a fucking guitar. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was watching fucking Fooly Cooly. At least Fooly Cooly had a purpose to exist. Sonic Underground’s purpose to exist is to be a cash cow and take money from your kids when the shitty merchandise comes out.
#6: Sonic X (Mostly Chris Thorndyke)
Hey, Hapon can fuck up with their shows too. Sonic X was trying to do a Sonic cartoon right, but sadly, just like the Titanic, disaster struck. The first problem is who got their hands on the dub. 4Kids, the xenophobes of television. Anything Hapon related in this ipakita was completely taken out, and hell, even the shit that wasn’t Japanese, like obvious English text, was replaced with pictures, because they think kids are too stupid to read. The susunod was that sa pamamagitan ng season two, the ipakita became a mess of crap. Just walang tiyak na layunin shit because people were sucked into the garbage and decided to watch it, letting the studio make madami money off of it. Then there was Chris Thorn-Dick! A clingy spoiled little shit who always gets what he wants, and has a hard on for Sonic, to the point where his obsession makes fucking Yuno Gasai look tame. Honestly, one time, I thought he had fallen in pag-ibig with Sonic when I watched an episode as a kid. It doesn’t seem so different today as I thought back then.
#5: Sonic tagahanga Art
Ever since Sonic had reached the age of the internet, his entire status was changed forever. Now, DeviantArt is filled with wannabe OC’s that are far from original, shipping with characters from completely different sources, and a whole bunch of porn that would make someone want to throw out their computer just to keep someone from finding their paghahanap history. I wish I had madami to say, but….. Sonic porn… What madami do you need me to say?
#4: Sonic 06
Oh, Sega, you done fucked up this time. Sonic 06 was made to celebrate the fifteenth anniversary for Sonic the Hedgehog. However, since Sega had dollar signs in their eyes, they wanted this game to be rushed out before December to get it ready. What was released was a broken mess of a game that contains terrible graphics, poor gameplay, broken controls, unreliable camera, and a fuck-ton of glitches that make the game unplayable. The game didn’t even look like a Sonic game until Sonic was on screen. Before that, it looked like Final Fantasy…. Thirteen (I’m never gonna stop talking about how much I hate that game). And one scene in the game that basically had this game earn its spot as one of the worst video games of all time, and it certainly deserves it.
#3: Sonic Free Riders
What worse than playing Sonic 06 on a PS3 or Xbox 360? How about playing Sonic 06 on the fucking Kinect. We all know the Kinect for having such wonderful games like Kinect bituin Wars, Kinect Party, Kinect Nat Geo TV, Dragon Ball Z Kinect, fucking anything with Kinect in the title, and that piece of shit Steel Battalion game. But Sonic Free Riders was made to be a huge seller, and instead, was a huge shitter. The controls suck so bad, that the menu screen is barely functional. The motion controls do fuck all, making you crash into walls. You need to bend your back to the point where the game actually physically harms you. And if you want to play with some friends, be prepared for an awkward night, as co-op in this game as you push your body as close as possible to your friend just to play. Is this Sonic or a masochist's wet dream?
#2: Sonic and Elise Kiss
I know that this was part of Sonic 06, but this scene was so fucking bad, that it may as well have it’s own spot, just for how fucking terrible it is. So, I would say spoilers, but none of you are going to play this piece of shit. So Sonic dies and the crew can’t get him back. So, Elise, a human princess with no fucking personality or, especially, purpose, she then kisses Sonic on the lips, and that brings him to life………….. If I hadn’t screamed at this and tried to shatter my Xbox the first time I saw this scene, I would have completely destroyed everything. Basically, we are dealing with possibly the worst sort of Pagsulat since Twilight. Not to mention the worst shipping since Pokemon characters. This is exactly why I despise Sonic 06. Not the glitches, not the gameplay, not the camera. FUCKING THIS!
#1: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric
Rise of Lyric is as low as you can possibly get with Sonic the goddamn Hedgehog. First off, the redesigns. Everything completely changed, especially Knuckles. But, I could learn to live with that…. I know the Sonic fans couldn’t but I could. Then I bought the game, and EVERYTHING fell apart instantly. Within five seconds, I fell through the world and died. Yeah, the tutorial is fucking broken. The world is empty like the fucking rapture happened, characters never shut up, combat is just one button, the levels are bland and uninteresting, it is impossible to die, and glitches are frequent everywhere. At least Sonic 06 was funny in a so bad it’s good kind of way to some people and was salvageable in some way. Sonic Boom has nothing of value to be salvaged. This game is so goddamn bad, that I wouldn’t be shocked if this was the game that actually killed all of fucking Sega. Sonic 06 sucked bad enoug, but Sonic was starting to do better with games like Sonic mga kulay and Sonic Generations. But after this, I think it may be the Daikatana of Sonic, to where it is so bad, it destroys a reputation. I’d say better luck susunod time, Sonic, but ibingiay how shitty this game is, there may not be a susunod time ever again.
So…. what madami can I say. Sonic is basically the video game equivalent of what heroine can do to you. He was fucked so hard sa pamamagitan ng Sega, he could file for rape. But, in a world where business squeeze their mascots for madami cash, what do you expect. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take.