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Pagsulat Tanong

I kinda do not like the intro, I never knew how to write a good one. ... As if something is missing .. What do you think???

*This is a story about a girl with a separated mind.

**Parts of sentences that are in parentheses tells bad Mia, and the one that are not, tells good Mia.

Being me is cool,( and not so cool.) I do not hate people, (except for maybe the geeks and sycophants, fools, idiots .. and so on.) I am quite an ordinary girl,( who likes a lot of strange things.) I'm a good person,( almost.) I like animals,( when they do not bother me.) And I pag-ibig movies,( about murder and mystery.) I'm not violent,( if there are witnesses around.) And one madami thing:

I have a separated mind. One part is good and one bad,( very bad and very real.) Hi I am good Mia,( and i'm bad Mia.) This i my story,( and mine.)
 Mariya_Maja posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
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Pagsulat Sagot

shadowlover3000 said:
It lacks much detail, it says only what she likes. Perhaps you could give some back story or deeper feeling. Also, the parentheses are annoying to come sa pamamagitan ng after a while. I have found, from reading, that periods and commas work better, because parentheses are distracting from words. If you are trying to symbolize the madami evil half, then use italics. They are smoother and less distracting. I hope my council will help and, if not, you can figure things up with work and time on it.
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posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
*
Hmmm, I see, thank you so much! Then I will use italics.
Mariya_Maja posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
*
I try, you're welcome.
shadowlover3000 posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas
IceyyHeart1525 said:
needs madami detail. BUT INTERESTING Story! ;D
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posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
ktichenor said:
Maybe write the intro dialogue in segundo person terms and display madami details about each Mia's different personalities but I think the story idea is brilliant. Keep Pagsulat it sounds great! :)
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posted sa loob ng isang taon na ang nakalipas 
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