All this pain just inside...I cannot let it go.... It hurts so bad...Seeing the one you pag-ibig in the arms of another.... Each night I cry myself to sleep,just hopeing the susunod araw will be even beter...But these words always run through my mind..."You're going to die alone".. It repetes and repetes...Pain ... Oh how it hurts so... But what makes it worse...That someone that's with the one my pag-ibig ...is my rival....Time has stopped to you as your tears run down slowly on my cheek.... I've Nawawala almost everyone in my life... It's even scary just trying to be myself....They say if you keep your feelings jared up...you'll snap... That's haven't happened to me yet... And hope it will never will. Don't keep your feelings jared up... Or one araw you'll snap

I loved to write songs. These beautiful poems of love, heartbreak, life and misery. I still do. Shame they'll never reach the world as I hoped.
But, life is life and death is well, death. I wish I could still play with Eyes Of The Wolf, my old band. I remember the lullaby I wrote for Jannet when she had nightmares.


'Prr, Prr
Of the Cat on the mat so peaceful
Cheep, Cheep
Of the Bird in the garden so alive
Neigh, Neigh
Of the Horse on the racecourse so matulin
Woof, Woof
Of the Pup in the tulips so playful
But now please my dear Jannet rest
So tomorrow you take life's susunod test'



I still sing it to her every night. But she can't hear me now. Maybe i'm just not pag-awit loud enough. Sometimes she hears me sing a few lines. I know because sometimes when I sing she'll start crying. I don't know why. Maybe she misses me. Or maybe I scare her. I don't know. The world is a very strange place

This is a song inspired sa pamamagitan ng Anastasia's Once Upon a December. Also, it's the main song for my novel-in-progress, Imaginary. It's a song in which one of the main characters sings to cheer her up when she's scared. And once I finally get the story posted here, you'll actually see the depth and power and horror of the song.
Written sa pamamagitan ng a friend of mine from school.

Midnight settles, darkness falls
Close your eyes and remember
Fallen mga kerubin always sing
Once upon a December

Blood is flowing and it's warm,
Life's nightmares are like a storm
Demons dancing gracefully
across my memory

Broken mga paru-paro with torn wings
The pain they will always remember
Fallen angels, I hear them sing
Once upon a December.

Scraping at the boughs,
Unknowns becomeths known,
Where shards break across my skin as my mind is shredded into nothing.
How did I get here?
How did I become this?
How do I get out?
Trapped inside a thousand mirrors,
Seeing so many façades,
Which one is me?
Carved up and bleeding,
Happy unconscious,
Pepped up to go?
Nails scratch into my brain,
As I pick apart memories,
For a clue.
An inkling.
An idea.
Lost!
I’m so lost!
Where do I fit in anymore?
Who am I?
And how did I wind up here?

I slammed the car door shut, and faced the school.

"Have a good araw sweetie," Mom said, somewhat hopefully from the drivers seat. Just the words made me want to ball up and cry. She drove away, leaving me in the dust. I would not survive this day.

Not that I deserve to.

I clutched my books to my chest, and tried to keep my eyes fixed on the ground. But I still felt their eyes on me.

"Bitch," they muttered.

"She deserves to die," others said. Didn't they know I want to? Didn't they know how much strength it took to keep breathing? And when I did, it was the everlasting pain that nearly brought me to my death. But I could only hope.

But they didn't know this. They just knew it was my fault. And it was. It was all my fault for what had happened.

And I'd live with this guilt till I die.

*****************************

Please let me know if I should continue this; I don't know if I should.