who do you think this is

Guys, I'm fucking sick of this. I'm almost 20 and haven't been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast pagkain joint. What makes it worse is that i live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where i work is the only place that'll hire highschool graduates. I'd get the hell out of this town if i could actually drive, but I've failed every damn driving test I've ever taken. I'm socially awkward, even my only other co-worker hates my guts. I have repressed lust for one of my best mga kaibigan to; she's athletic, smart, and a gorgeous southern bell. I pag-ibig her. You know what it's like; I've been friendzoned real hard. My only other friend is this one kid, who I'm pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged. I guess he's the only one that can tolerate me. And what makes this all worse is that i live in a fucking pineapple under the sea.