2-Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

3-A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whiskey. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

4-A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

5- If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

Funny sayings About exams
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read.

Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.

The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Bryn Mawr had done what a four-year dose of liberal education was designed to do: unfit her for eighty per cent of useful work of the world.

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

You can lead a boy to college but you can’t make him think.

Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates….

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology.

When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible. College isn’t the place to go for ideas.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. (Clown Prince of American Humor, 1975)

They are so afraid we shall break down, and you know the reputation of the college is at stake, for the question is, can girls get a college degree without injuring their health.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

A college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed.