Along with the excitement of having a baby, I also became very worried. What would happen if I had a seizure during the pregnancy? What if my medication harmed the baby? I went on the computer and began searching for answers. Blake stood behind me, pagbaba over my shoulder.
"It says you can continue, or stop your medication... It's up to you and your doctor," he read aloud. I nodded.
"It also says major seizures can be dangerous..." I sighed. He patted my shoulder. "But, if I do take the medication, there's an increased risk of birth defects."
"What are you going to do?" he asked. I sighed.
"I think I'm gonna quit for now... I'll just have to stay calm. That should keep away and major seizures." He nodded.
A couple months passed, and the morning sickness began. Because of my epilepsy, the morning sickness is worse than it would be if I didn't have it. I sat in front of the toilet, my forehead beaded in sweat. There was a knock at the door, and Blake slowly opened it.
"You ok?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry. Stupid question." I threw up again. He came andsat behind me, patting my back with one hand and holding my hair back with the other.
"This sucks," I groaned. Blake patted my back again.
"It'll be worth it," he said. I put my one hand on my stomach.
"I know."
***
When I was ten weeks pregnant, Blake and I went to the doctor to check on the baby. I was starting to show; most women would be horrified about that, but I was rather excited. I laid on a bed, and the nurse put the freezing cold goopy crap on my stomach. She moved this weird instrument over it, looking at a little computer screen.
"You're ten weeks, right?" she asked. Blake and I nodded. "Just a minuto please." She left the room. Blake squeezed my hand. A while later, the nurse came back with a doctor. He did the same thing she did. He cleared his throat.
"Um, I'm sorry Mrs. Devlin, but... it seems you've had a miscarriage." I blanked.
"What?" I breathed.
"I'm sorry." Him and the nurse left.
"Oh, sweetie... It'll be ok," Blake said. I just stared at where the doctor had been standing just a segundo ago. I couldn't put one thought together. Blake wiped the stuff off me with a paper towel, and helped me get up. "C'mon, Irina. Let's go," he sinabi carefully, like he was talking to a child.
I was silent the whole ride home. This felt like a terrible nightmare. I wanted so badly to wake up now.
"It'll be ok," Blake sinabi again. "It's not your fault." Then who's was it? We got home, and I just sat on the couch, with my knees brought up to my chest. Blake asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink, but I just shook my head. A couple hours later, he asked again.
"Irina, you need to eat something."
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. I did nothing for a few hours. I guess I was still in shock. Then after a while, it finally hit me head on. I started crying, and I just laid there on the couch, crying nonstop for an hour. Blake cam over and held me in his arms, but I still didn't feel any better.
Blake and I took work off the susunod day. I just couldn't go to work, and he wanted to be with me. I just couldn't function anymore. It took all my strength to do the simplest of things. And I didn't care anymore. In the early afternoon, the phone rang.
"It's your Dad," he said. I nodded, but made no effort to take the phone from him. He put the phone back to his ear. "Uh, she's not really in the mood for talking..." I heard Dad mumble something on the other line. Probably asking why. "Uh... Well..." he looked at me nervously, then went in the other room to tell him. I don't know why he left. It's not like I've forgotten. A couple minutos later, Blake came back and put the phone down. "You ok, Sweetie?" he asked. He put one hand on my cheek, which was still wet with tears.
"I'm fine," I sinabi for the millionth time. It was a lie, but I didn't feel like telling him how dead I was inside. Blake left, probably to go call his parents and give them the devastating news.
A couple weeks later, Dad asked Blake and I to babysit Desiree while they took Hera to the doctor for a checkup. It was late, so all we were really requried to do was make sure she ate her dinner, then a bath, then bedtime.
"Hey Honey," Dad sinabi when I got there. He kissed my forehead, and studied me for a while. His eyes were flooded with questions, which he was afraid to ask and I was afraid to answer.
"Hi Dad," was all I said. Kara however, was a little less guarded.
"Oh Irina...!" she said. She gave me a big hug, and kissed my cheek. "How are you? You ok? It must be so hard!" She looked at Blake, "I'm so sorry for the both of you!" Dad gave her a warning glare.
"I'm fine," I said, in the same tone I'd used to answer Blake all those times. She patted my head. Then she went back and wheeled in Hera, who looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. I shrugged it off.
"It's not your fault," I said. It was mine. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I tried blinking them away.
"Well, we should be going," Kara said. "Bye Dezzie!" she called.
"Bye Momma!" The others left, with Dad pushing Hera in her wheelchair. I sighed, and went to go find Desiree, who was eating spaghetti-o's in the kitchen. She cocked her head when she saw me.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She was quiet for a while, then shook her head.
"Nothing," she said. She finished her dinner, and then forced us to play mga manika with her.
"Dez, it's time for you to take a bath and get ready for bed," I told her as it got later.
"No!" she said, brushing her doll's hair.
"C'mon!" Blake said, scooping her up and placing her on his back. He ran up the stairs with her, and she squealed with delight. She took her bath, and I tucked her into bed.
"Wait!" she said, before I flicked off the lights.
"What's wrong?" She held her arms out to me, begging me to come over sa pamamagitan ng her. I sat on the edge of her bed.
"What happen?" she asked, pointing to my stomach. My throat closed up. "Why isn't your tummy big no more?"
"Well," I began. "Um, I'm not having a baby anymore." She pouted.
"How come?" I couldn't tell her the baby died. She cried for hours on end when she found a dead paruparo on the sidewalk.
"Um, because... the baby decided it wasn't ready to be born yet, so it left." Her eyes widened.
"They can do that?!" she asked in amazement. I nodded. "When will your baby come back to born?"
"I don't know," I shrugged.
"Bu--"
"It's late, Dezzie. Go to sleep." I kissed her goodnight, and went downstairs where Blake was watching TV on the the couch. He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. "I don't want to talk about it," I said, and leaned my head on him.
***
A few days later, both Blake and I were off work, when we got an unexpected surprise.
"Oh my God! How are you guys doing?!" Gwen said, coming over and hugging me. A man stood behind her quietly. I furrowed my eyebrows. He seemed familiar, but I was sure I'd never really met him before in my life.
"Whoa! Uh, hi! I thought you were in Arizona?" I asked. She had gone to visit family for the month.
"I was! But when I heard the news, I packed my stuff and came to see you!" she said.
"Um, thanks," Blake said, eyeing the mysterious man in our living room. He didn't say a word. I decided to ask the tanong Blake was thinking.
"Uh, who's this?" I asked. The man didn't budge, like he was made of stone or something.
"Oh! This is Blaine, my boyfriend." The man nodded once, but did not say anything. That name seemed to ring a bell. I couldn't think of anything to save my life though. After a while I just stopped trying to think of where I'd seen him; it was giving me a headache.
"Uh, what happened to---" Blake began, but Gwen rolled her eyes.
"We broke up." Gwen and Blaine stayed for a while, then had to leave. Blaine did not say a word the whole time he was there. "Sorry, but we gotta go!" Gwen said. She hugged the both of us. "I hope everything gets better."
"That was strange," Blake said, laying down on the bed. I nodded.
"He was very... reserved. The way he just stared at us... it was kind of creepy." Blake nodded in agreement. I rolled over onto my stomach, and slowly went to sleep.
Then it came to me in the middle of the night.
"Oh my God," I said, sitting up. My puso started racing.
"What's wrong," Blake mumbled.
"Blaine," I said.
"What about 'em..."
"He was Drew's friend! I knew I'd recognized him from somewhere!" Blake sat up.
"What?" I nodded.
"He was one of Drew's best friends!"
"And Gwen's dating him?!" Blake asked, worry in his voice. "Was he...? You know...? Abusive?" he asked nervously.
"I don't really remember... I don't think so. It was mostly just Drew, Skye and.... Laken," I recalled.
"Oh no...." Blake said. "What if he hurts her?"
"Why do you think I'm worried?!" I nearly shrieked.
"You didn't notice anything wrong, right? I mean, no bruises or anything? Well, I guess that wouldn't prove anything... She didn't seem like she was hiding anything, right?" I thought for a while.
"I don't think so. She seemed really excited to introduce him..."
"I wonder if that's why he didn't say anything. Maybe he remembered that you were...?"
"Maybe," I shrugged.
"What are we going to do? Should we...?" Blake was about to ask, then stopped.
"I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything if nothing's wrong, but... Ugh, I don't know." Blake hugged me.
"It's ok. We can worry about it in the morning. Go back to sleep." He kissed me, then rolled over onto his side, and flicked off the lamp on the nightstand. I sat there for a while, as the memories of those days came back to me. The pain, misery, fear... And Blaine had just stood there on the sidelines, offering a laugh when necessary. I felt a sudden hate for him. He did nothing, while Drew used me as his own personal punching bag.
I didn't want that for Gwen.
I rubbed my eyes, and tried to force myself to go back to sleep. But I couldn't.
"It says you can continue, or stop your medication... It's up to you and your doctor," he read aloud. I nodded.
"It also says major seizures can be dangerous..." I sighed. He patted my shoulder. "But, if I do take the medication, there's an increased risk of birth defects."
"What are you going to do?" he asked. I sighed.
"I think I'm gonna quit for now... I'll just have to stay calm. That should keep away and major seizures." He nodded.
A couple months passed, and the morning sickness began. Because of my epilepsy, the morning sickness is worse than it would be if I didn't have it. I sat in front of the toilet, my forehead beaded in sweat. There was a knock at the door, and Blake slowly opened it.
"You ok?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry. Stupid question." I threw up again. He came andsat behind me, patting my back with one hand and holding my hair back with the other.
"This sucks," I groaned. Blake patted my back again.
"It'll be worth it," he said. I put my one hand on my stomach.
"I know."
***
When I was ten weeks pregnant, Blake and I went to the doctor to check on the baby. I was starting to show; most women would be horrified about that, but I was rather excited. I laid on a bed, and the nurse put the freezing cold goopy crap on my stomach. She moved this weird instrument over it, looking at a little computer screen.
"You're ten weeks, right?" she asked. Blake and I nodded. "Just a minuto please." She left the room. Blake squeezed my hand. A while later, the nurse came back with a doctor. He did the same thing she did. He cleared his throat.
"Um, I'm sorry Mrs. Devlin, but... it seems you've had a miscarriage." I blanked.
"What?" I breathed.
"I'm sorry." Him and the nurse left.
"Oh, sweetie... It'll be ok," Blake said. I just stared at where the doctor had been standing just a segundo ago. I couldn't put one thought together. Blake wiped the stuff off me with a paper towel, and helped me get up. "C'mon, Irina. Let's go," he sinabi carefully, like he was talking to a child.
I was silent the whole ride home. This felt like a terrible nightmare. I wanted so badly to wake up now.
"It'll be ok," Blake sinabi again. "It's not your fault." Then who's was it? We got home, and I just sat on the couch, with my knees brought up to my chest. Blake asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink, but I just shook my head. A couple hours later, he asked again.
"Irina, you need to eat something."
"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. I did nothing for a few hours. I guess I was still in shock. Then after a while, it finally hit me head on. I started crying, and I just laid there on the couch, crying nonstop for an hour. Blake cam over and held me in his arms, but I still didn't feel any better.
Blake and I took work off the susunod day. I just couldn't go to work, and he wanted to be with me. I just couldn't function anymore. It took all my strength to do the simplest of things. And I didn't care anymore. In the early afternoon, the phone rang.
"It's your Dad," he said. I nodded, but made no effort to take the phone from him. He put the phone back to his ear. "Uh, she's not really in the mood for talking..." I heard Dad mumble something on the other line. Probably asking why. "Uh... Well..." he looked at me nervously, then went in the other room to tell him. I don't know why he left. It's not like I've forgotten. A couple minutos later, Blake came back and put the phone down. "You ok, Sweetie?" he asked. He put one hand on my cheek, which was still wet with tears.
"I'm fine," I sinabi for the millionth time. It was a lie, but I didn't feel like telling him how dead I was inside. Blake left, probably to go call his parents and give them the devastating news.
A couple weeks later, Dad asked Blake and I to babysit Desiree while they took Hera to the doctor for a checkup. It was late, so all we were really requried to do was make sure she ate her dinner, then a bath, then bedtime.
"Hey Honey," Dad sinabi when I got there. He kissed my forehead, and studied me for a while. His eyes were flooded with questions, which he was afraid to ask and I was afraid to answer.
"Hi Dad," was all I said. Kara however, was a little less guarded.
"Oh Irina...!" she said. She gave me a big hug, and kissed my cheek. "How are you? You ok? It must be so hard!" She looked at Blake, "I'm so sorry for the both of you!" Dad gave her a warning glare.
"I'm fine," I said, in the same tone I'd used to answer Blake all those times. She patted my head. Then she went back and wheeled in Hera, who looked at me with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. I shrugged it off.
"It's not your fault," I said. It was mine. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I tried blinking them away.
"Well, we should be going," Kara said. "Bye Dezzie!" she called.
"Bye Momma!" The others left, with Dad pushing Hera in her wheelchair. I sighed, and went to go find Desiree, who was eating spaghetti-o's in the kitchen. She cocked her head when she saw me.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She was quiet for a while, then shook her head.
"Nothing," she said. She finished her dinner, and then forced us to play mga manika with her.
"Dez, it's time for you to take a bath and get ready for bed," I told her as it got later.
"No!" she said, brushing her doll's hair.
"C'mon!" Blake said, scooping her up and placing her on his back. He ran up the stairs with her, and she squealed with delight. She took her bath, and I tucked her into bed.
"Wait!" she said, before I flicked off the lights.
"What's wrong?" She held her arms out to me, begging me to come over sa pamamagitan ng her. I sat on the edge of her bed.
"What happen?" she asked, pointing to my stomach. My throat closed up. "Why isn't your tummy big no more?"
"Well," I began. "Um, I'm not having a baby anymore." She pouted.
"How come?" I couldn't tell her the baby died. She cried for hours on end when she found a dead paruparo on the sidewalk.
"Um, because... the baby decided it wasn't ready to be born yet, so it left." Her eyes widened.
"They can do that?!" she asked in amazement. I nodded. "When will your baby come back to born?"
"I don't know," I shrugged.
"Bu--"
"It's late, Dezzie. Go to sleep." I kissed her goodnight, and went downstairs where Blake was watching TV on the the couch. He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. "I don't want to talk about it," I said, and leaned my head on him.
***
A few days later, both Blake and I were off work, when we got an unexpected surprise.
"Oh my God! How are you guys doing?!" Gwen said, coming over and hugging me. A man stood behind her quietly. I furrowed my eyebrows. He seemed familiar, but I was sure I'd never really met him before in my life.
"Whoa! Uh, hi! I thought you were in Arizona?" I asked. She had gone to visit family for the month.
"I was! But when I heard the news, I packed my stuff and came to see you!" she said.
"Um, thanks," Blake said, eyeing the mysterious man in our living room. He didn't say a word. I decided to ask the tanong Blake was thinking.
"Uh, who's this?" I asked. The man didn't budge, like he was made of stone or something.
"Oh! This is Blaine, my boyfriend." The man nodded once, but did not say anything. That name seemed to ring a bell. I couldn't think of anything to save my life though. After a while I just stopped trying to think of where I'd seen him; it was giving me a headache.
"Uh, what happened to---" Blake began, but Gwen rolled her eyes.
"We broke up." Gwen and Blaine stayed for a while, then had to leave. Blaine did not say a word the whole time he was there. "Sorry, but we gotta go!" Gwen said. She hugged the both of us. "I hope everything gets better."
"That was strange," Blake said, laying down on the bed. I nodded.
"He was very... reserved. The way he just stared at us... it was kind of creepy." Blake nodded in agreement. I rolled over onto my stomach, and slowly went to sleep.
Then it came to me in the middle of the night.
"Oh my God," I said, sitting up. My puso started racing.
"What's wrong," Blake mumbled.
"Blaine," I said.
"What about 'em..."
"He was Drew's friend! I knew I'd recognized him from somewhere!" Blake sat up.
"What?" I nodded.
"He was one of Drew's best friends!"
"And Gwen's dating him?!" Blake asked, worry in his voice. "Was he...? You know...? Abusive?" he asked nervously.
"I don't really remember... I don't think so. It was mostly just Drew, Skye and.... Laken," I recalled.
"Oh no...." Blake said. "What if he hurts her?"
"Why do you think I'm worried?!" I nearly shrieked.
"You didn't notice anything wrong, right? I mean, no bruises or anything? Well, I guess that wouldn't prove anything... She didn't seem like she was hiding anything, right?" I thought for a while.
"I don't think so. She seemed really excited to introduce him..."
"I wonder if that's why he didn't say anything. Maybe he remembered that you were...?"
"Maybe," I shrugged.
"What are we going to do? Should we...?" Blake was about to ask, then stopped.
"I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything if nothing's wrong, but... Ugh, I don't know." Blake hugged me.
"It's ok. We can worry about it in the morning. Go back to sleep." He kissed me, then rolled over onto his side, and flicked off the lamp on the nightstand. I sat there for a while, as the memories of those days came back to me. The pain, misery, fear... And Blaine had just stood there on the sidelines, offering a laugh when necessary. I felt a sudden hate for him. He did nothing, while Drew used me as his own personal punching bag.
I didn't want that for Gwen.
I rubbed my eyes, and tried to force myself to go back to sleep. But I couldn't.
Author's Note: "Look, now I am going to tell you a story of the life of Rosemary Vega a.k.a me."
I am 11 years old.
My birthday is on March 25.
I am very talented at Pagsulat stories, pag-awit like famous people (example: Shakira, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga) I pag-ibig to act!
When I grow up I want to be singer or a voice actress.
I am interested in bituin Wars, Pokemon, Everybody Hates Chris and George Lopez.
My paborito pokemon are: Jirachi, Roserade, Mismagious and Meganium.
I was born in Wilson, North Carolina.
Thank you for giving me your time to read this article! :D
I am 11 years old.
My birthday is on March 25.
I am very talented at Pagsulat stories, pag-awit like famous people (example: Shakira, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and Lady Gaga) I pag-ibig to act!
When I grow up I want to be singer or a voice actress.
I am interested in bituin Wars, Pokemon, Everybody Hates Chris and George Lopez.
My paborito pokemon are: Jirachi, Roserade, Mismagious and Meganium.
I was born in Wilson, North Carolina.
Thank you for giving me your time to read this article! :D
Alone!
There once was a girl who biked and ran
with her best friend who had a bright kahel tan
But then one araw she when biking alone
and thats when she fell along way from home.
She lay still on the ground
not makeing a sound,and thats when she found
that she could not talk
let alone walk
As she slowly made her way home
she wished that she had a phone
so she could call for help
insted of put up with the pain that made her yelp.
She pushed her bike down the dusty track
with a sore haed and an acking back
Then she came to the place where her and her best friend met
just as the sun was begining to set
The susunod araw at school she was no where in sight
which gave her best frined a very big fright
but she was a tahanan tucked up in bed
with a sore leg and an acking head
Thats when she remebered what her best friend had sinabi
about not going out bikeing alone
along way from home.
What do you think?(I think it is very bad) and sorry of the spelling.
There once was a girl who biked and ran
with her best friend who had a bright kahel tan
But then one araw she when biking alone
and thats when she fell along way from home.
She lay still on the ground
not makeing a sound,and thats when she found
that she could not talk
let alone walk
As she slowly made her way home
she wished that she had a phone
so she could call for help
insted of put up with the pain that made her yelp.
She pushed her bike down the dusty track
with a sore haed and an acking back
Then she came to the place where her and her best friend met
just as the sun was begining to set
The susunod araw at school she was no where in sight
which gave her best frined a very big fright
but she was a tahanan tucked up in bed
with a sore leg and an acking head
Thats when she remebered what her best friend had sinabi
about not going out bikeing alone
along way from home.
What do you think?(I think it is very bad) and sorry of the spelling.
You
It's the middle of the night,
And I can't sleep
Your face, planted with a smile
Are the only things I see
Your voice calling my name
Is the only thing I hear
I can feel your hand rubbing my back
Hearing you whisper ''good night''
I jump and look around,
And soon realize you are not there
I sob, tightly holding the gift you once gave me
It's right here, on my bed, in perfect condition.
30 minutos later, I wipe my face and go back to sleep…
I wake up once again
And the cycle starts all over again…
It's the middle of the night,
And I can't sleep
Your face, planted with a smile
Are the only things I see
Your voice calling my name
Is the only thing I hear
I can feel your hand rubbing my back
Hearing you whisper ''good night''
I jump and look around,
And soon realize you are not there
I sob, tightly holding the gift you once gave me
It's right here, on my bed, in perfect condition.
30 minutos later, I wipe my face and go back to sleep…
I wake up once again
And the cycle starts all over again…
your mistakes don't define you, now. they don't tell you who you're not, or who you can never be. what's it take to get you to say you'll try? you've got to live this life like it's the only one you've got. what would you say, what would you do, if this was your last day? so, you found out today that life's not the same. not quite as good as yesterday.
and, yes, i know it hurts & i know your pain, but u never gave up this easily befor. such a beautiful thing to just throw away. i think you need to know that, of all the mga kulay that you shine, this is surely not your best, it's really not your style. you should think about what you do, befor you do it, over and over again. i know you feel alone, that know one can figure you out, but you sould know that we just pag-ibig to see you smile.i know you feel like you're lost, feel like you've drifted way to far away, but we can help you come back.
and, yes, i know it hurts & i know your pain, but u never gave up this easily befor. such a beautiful thing to just throw away. i think you need to know that, of all the mga kulay that you shine, this is surely not your best, it's really not your style. you should think about what you do, befor you do it, over and over again. i know you feel alone, that know one can figure you out, but you sould know that we just pag-ibig to see you smile.i know you feel like you're lost, feel like you've drifted way to far away, but we can help you come back.
I wrote this yesterday when me and my boyfriend had a big fight and it's a fight that may go on for a long time. I know I am young to write something like this but, I guess it helps. Plus If you don't like it just tell me, ok?
The Power of Words
You and I had this big long fight,
It felt like the storm during the night.
It was verry sad and cold,
My mga kaibigan had to like you a lot
and you felt like I forgot,
forgot about you.
But I had a prodject due.
You think you're mr. I'm so cool
but you used to act like a ghool.
Not to the people you love,
to the sensetive people like a dove.
How we spoke with eachother,
made you feel much better.
But the fight we had,
you sinabi was nothing but it was bad.
See ya pal we're ova,
take the cell you gave me and do me a fava.
Just don't ever,
Never...
Talk to me again!
The Power of Words
You and I had this big long fight,
It felt like the storm during the night.
It was verry sad and cold,
My mga kaibigan had to like you a lot
and you felt like I forgot,
forgot about you.
But I had a prodject due.
You think you're mr. I'm so cool
but you used to act like a ghool.
Not to the people you love,
to the sensetive people like a dove.
How we spoke with eachother,
made you feel much better.
But the fight we had,
you sinabi was nothing but it was bad.
See ya pal we're ova,
take the cell you gave me and do me a fava.
Just don't ever,
Never...
Talk to me again!