Along with the excitement of having a baby, I also became very worried. What would happen if I had a seizure during the pregnancy? What if my medication harmed the baby? I went on the computer and began searching for answers. Blake stood behind me, pagbaba over my shoulder.

"It says you can continue, or stop your medication... It's up to you and your doctor," he read aloud. I nodded.

"It also says major seizures can be dangerous..." I sighed. He patted my shoulder. "But, if I do take the medication, there's an increased risk of birth defects."

"What are you going to do?" he asked. I sighed.

"I think I'm gonna quit for now... I'll just have to stay calm. That should keep away and major seizures." He nodded.

A couple months passed, and the morning sickness began. Because of my epilepsy, the morning sickness is worse than it would be if I didn't have it. I sat in front of the toilet, my forehead beaded in sweat. There was a knock at the door, and Blake slowly opened it.

"You ok?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry. Stupid question." I threw up again. He came andsat behind me, patting my back with one hand and holding my hair back with the other.

"This sucks," I groaned. Blake patted my back again.

"It'll be worth it," he said. I put my one hand on my stomach.

"I know."

***

When I was ten weeks pregnant, Blake and I went to the doctor to check on the baby. I was starting to show; most women would be horrified about that, but I was rather excited. I laid on a bed, and the nurse put the freezing cold goopy crap on my stomach. She moved this weird instrument over it, looking at a little computer screen.

"You're ten weeks, right?" she asked. Blake and I nodded. "Just a minuto please." She left the room. Blake squeezed my hand. A while later, the nurse came back with a doctor. He did the same thing she did. He cleared his throat.

"Um, I'm sorry Mrs. Devlin, but... it seems you've had a miscarriage." I blanked.

"What?" I breathed.

"I'm sorry." Him and the nurse left.

"Oh, sweetie... It'll be ok," Blake said. I just stared at where the doctor had been standing just a segundo ago. I couldn't put one thought together. Blake wiped the stuff off me with a paper towel, and helped me get up. "C'mon, Irina. Let's go," he sinabi carefully, like he was talking to a child.

I was silent the whole ride home. This felt like a terrible nightmare. I wanted so badly to wake up now.

"It'll be ok," Blake sinabi again. "It's not your fault." Then who's was it? We got home, and I just sat on the couch, with my knees brought up to my chest. Blake asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink, but I just shook my head. A couple hours later, he asked again.

"Irina, you need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry," I mumbled. I did nothing for a few hours. I guess I was still in shock. Then after a while, it finally hit me head on. I started crying, and I just laid there on the couch, crying nonstop for an hour. Blake cam over and held me in his arms, but I still didn't feel any better.

Blake and I took work off the susunod day. I just couldn't go to work, and he wanted to be with me. I just couldn't function anymore. It took all my strength to do the simplest of things. And I didn't care anymore. In the early afternoon, the phone rang.

"It's your Dad," he said. I nodded, but made no effort to take the phone from him. He put the phone back to his ear. "Uh, she's not really in the mood for talking..." I heard Dad mumble something on the other line. Probably asking why. "Uh... Well..." he looked at me nervously, then went in the other room to tell him. I don't know why he left. It's not like I've forgotten. A couple minutos later, Blake came back and put the phone down. "You ok, Sweetie?" he asked. He put one hand on my cheek, which was still wet with tears.

"I'm fine," I sinabi for the millionth time. It was a lie, but I didn't feel like telling him how dead I was inside. Blake left, probably to go call his parents and give them the devastating news.

A couple weeks later, Dad asked Blake and I to babysit Desiree while they took Hera to the doctor for a checkup. It was late, so all we were really requried to do was make sure she ate her dinner, then a bath, then bedtime.

"Hey Honey," Dad sinabi when I got there. He kissed my forehead, and studied me for a while. His eyes were flooded with questions, which he was afraid to ask and I was afraid to answer.

"Hi Dad," was all I said. Kara however, was a little less guarded.

"Oh Irina...!" she said. She gave me a big hug, and kissed my cheek. "How are you? You ok? It must be so hard!" She looked at Blake, "I'm so sorry for the both of you!" Dad gave her a warning glare.

"I'm fine," I said, in the same tone I'd used to answer Blake all those times. She patted my head. Then she went back and wheeled in Hera, who looked at me with sad eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. I shrugged it off.

"It's not your fault," I said. It was mine. My eyes started to fill with tears, but I tried blinking them away.

"Well, we should be going," Kara said. "Bye Dezzie!" she called.

"Bye Momma!" The others left, with Dad pushing Hera in her wheelchair. I sighed, and went to go find Desiree, who was eating spaghetti-o's in the kitchen. She cocked her head when she saw me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She was quiet for a while, then shook her head.

"Nothing," she said. She finished her dinner, and then forced us to play mga manika with her.

"Dez, it's time for you to take a bath and get ready for bed," I told her as it got later.

"No!" she said, brushing her doll's hair.

"C'mon!" Blake said, scooping her up and placing her on his back. He ran up the stairs with her, and she squealed with delight. She took her bath, and I tucked her into bed.

"Wait!" she said, before I flicked off the lights.

"What's wrong?" She held her arms out to me, begging me to come over sa pamamagitan ng her. I sat on the edge of her bed.

"What happen?" she asked, pointing to my stomach. My throat closed up. "Why isn't your tummy big no more?"

"Well," I began. "Um, I'm not having a baby anymore." She pouted.

"How come?" I couldn't tell her the baby died. She cried for hours on end when she found a dead paruparo on the sidewalk.

"Um, because... the baby decided it wasn't ready to be born yet, so it left." Her eyes widened.

"They can do that?!" she asked in amazement. I nodded. "When will your baby come back to born?"

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Bu--"

"It's late, Dezzie. Go to sleep." I kissed her goodnight, and went downstairs where Blake was watching TV on the the couch. He looked at me, waiting for me to say something. "I don't want to talk about it," I said, and leaned my head on him.

***

A few days later, both Blake and I were off work, when we got an unexpected surprise.

"Oh my God! How are you guys doing?!" Gwen said, coming over and hugging me. A man stood behind her quietly. I furrowed my eyebrows. He seemed familiar, but I was sure I'd never really met him before in my life.

"Whoa! Uh, hi! I thought you were in Arizona?" I asked. She had gone to visit family for the month.

"I was! But when I heard the news, I packed my stuff and came to see you!" she said.

"Um, thanks," Blake said, eyeing the mysterious man in our living room. He didn't say a word. I decided to ask the tanong Blake was thinking.

"Uh, who's this?" I asked. The man didn't budge, like he was made of stone or something.

"Oh! This is Blaine, my boyfriend." The man nodded once, but did not say anything. That name seemed to ring a bell. I couldn't think of anything to save my life though. After a while I just stopped trying to think of where I'd seen him; it was giving me a headache.

"Uh, what happened to---" Blake began, but Gwen rolled her eyes.

"We broke up." Gwen and Blaine stayed for a while, then had to leave. Blaine did not say a word the whole time he was there. "Sorry, but we gotta go!" Gwen said. She hugged the both of us. "I hope everything gets better."

"That was strange," Blake said, laying down on the bed. I nodded.

"He was very... reserved. The way he just stared at us... it was kind of creepy." Blake nodded in agreement. I rolled over onto my stomach, and slowly went to sleep.

Then it came to me in the middle of the night.

"Oh my God," I said, sitting up. My puso started racing.

"What's wrong," Blake mumbled.

"Blaine," I said.

"What about 'em..."

"He was Drew's friend! I knew I'd recognized him from somewhere!" Blake sat up.

"What?" I nodded.

"He was one of Drew's best friends!"

"And Gwen's dating him?!" Blake asked, worry in his voice. "Was he...? You know...? Abusive?" he asked nervously.

"I don't really remember... I don't think so. It was mostly just Drew, Skye and.... Laken," I recalled.

"Oh no...." Blake said. "What if he hurts her?"

"Why do you think I'm worried?!" I nearly shrieked.

"You didn't notice anything wrong, right? I mean, no bruises or anything? Well, I guess that wouldn't prove anything... She didn't seem like she was hiding anything, right?" I thought for a while.

"I don't think so. She seemed really excited to introduce him..."

"I wonder if that's why he didn't say anything. Maybe he remembered that you were...?"

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"What are we going to do? Should we...?" Blake was about to ask, then stopped.

"I don't know. I don't want to ruin anything if nothing's wrong, but... Ugh, I don't know." Blake hugged me.

"It's ok. We can worry about it in the morning. Go back to sleep." He kissed me, then rolled over onto his side, and flicked off the lamp on the nightstand. I sat there for a while, as the memories of those days came back to me. The pain, misery, fear... And Blaine had just stood there on the sidelines, offering a laugh when necessary. I felt a sudden hate for him. He did nothing, while Drew used me as his own personal punching bag.

I didn't want that for Gwen.

I rubbed my eyes, and tried to force myself to go back to sleep. But I couldn't.