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I found this one on the internet:

Why did the chicken tumawid the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he was a maverick chicken, and he wanted to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken had to tumawid the road because he was not able to find a bridge. Alaskans do not build bridges to nowhere. If he wanted a bridge, he'd have to build it himself.

JOE BIDEN: The chicken crossed the road because he was heading back to Scranton .

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken tumawid the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from araw One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to tumawid the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not tumawid the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken tumawid the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's pagganap sa pamamagitan ng not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to tumawid this road so bad.So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a cert ain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken tumawid the road? Did he tumawid it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my araw we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the puso warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to tumawid the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only tumawid roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much madami stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really tumawid the road, or did the road ilipat beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
posted by Nein-Nein
The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ghost ship that can never make port, doomed to sail the oceans forever. It probably originates from 17th-century nautical folklore. The oldest extant version dates to the late 18th century.
Sightings in the 19th and 20th centuries reported the ship to be glowing with ghostly light. If hailed sa pamamagitan ng another ship, the crew of the Flying Dutchman will try to send messages to land, or to people long dead. In ocean lore, the sight of this phantom ship is a portent of doom
The ship was sailing around the Cape of Good Hope (the southern tip of Africa) when it encountered...
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posted by Nein-Nein
 Reszo Seress, who wrote Gloomy Sunday
Reszo Seress, who wrote Gloomy Sunday
In December, 1932, a down and out Hungarian named Reszo Seress was trying to make a living as a songwriter in Paris, but kept failing miserably. All of his compositions failed to impress the music publishers of France, but Seress carried on chasing his dream nevertheless. He was determined to become an internationally famous songwriter. His girlfriend had constant rows with him over the insecurity of his ambitious life. She urged him to get a full-time 9 to 5 job, but Seress was uncompromising. He told her he was to be a songwriter or a hobo, and that was that.

One afternoon, things finally...
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My fuckin Little parang buriko be a funky-ass brand of plastic ponies produced since 1983 sa pamamagitan ng tha toy manufacturer Hasbro. Marketed primarily ta hoes, tha ponies feature colorful bodies n' manes n' a unique symbol on one and both sidez of they flanks, referred ta up in tha two most kamakailan generations as "cutie marks". My fuckin lil parang buriko was again revamped up in tha mid-2000z wit freshly smoked up n' mo' modern looks ta appeal ta a whole freshly smoked up market.
Followin tha original gangsta My fuckin Pretty parang buriko toy, introduced up in 1981, My fuckin Little parang buriko was launched up in 1983 n' tha line became ghettofab durin tha 1980s. Da original gangsta toy line ran from 1983 ta 1995 (1992 up in tha US), n' inspired animated specials, a animated feature length film n' three animated televizzle series.
Da toy line had a lata release up in Japan, sa pamamagitan ng Takara up in tha '80s durin Generation 1, n' sa pamamagitan ng Takara Tomy up in 2006 fo' a period of time.
Ok I noticed a lot of artikulo about things guys should know about girls. Well half that stuff would make tomboys/skaters like me manuntok themselves. Well here's some walang tiyak na layunin useful stuff
1) do not ever call us "cute" names in front of our friends. Like calling us babe or something is ok, but think about what we can't call you sa pamamagitan ng your friends.

2) if we're your best mga kaibigan and you go out with a hyper girly girl, we only pretend to be happy for you.

3) if you go out with another tomboy or skater or emo, there's a good chance we are happy for you, but we secretly want you madami than you know.

4) we don't...
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posted by Irk_Invader_Eve
AGONY
I am here. I am everywhere
Every place you've been I have waited
Every face you've seen I have worn
I have not one name but thousands
I come on the wings of an epidemic
Of a massacre
A lone scream in the night
Announced sa pamamagitan ng the distant thunder of a war
or the bleat of the slaughtered calf
I visit the dying in their burning skin
Devour the bodies of the sick
I crush the hearts of the hopeful as I dance on the backs of the weak
Your greatest fears are my delight
With your cries you invite me in
I am the betrayal you could not have seen
The killer you thought you knew
One araw I will be your mother or your...
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These are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4....
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This is my tuktok 14 fave sayings and mga panipi :) Enjoy xx

14. You got to swim out of your comfort zone to catch the wave thats going to change your life -Unknown
13.Sometimes your knight in shining armour, is just an idiot wrapped in tin foil -Unknown
12."God heals and the doctors takes the fee" -Unknown
11.Ever notice that "what the hell" is always the right decision -Marilyn Monroe
10.Remember the days when lumboy and mansanas where just prutas -Unknown
9.When guys get jealous, its kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War 3 is about to start -Unknown
8.You know youre in pag-ibig when you cant fall...
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Snowfall_______________________________________________________
People Key
Apolla=Goku Gaden=Vegeta Kelvin=Piccolo Leonzio=Yamcha Pablo=Dende Yajira=Bulma
_______________________________________________________________
~~ =Memories
The snow, it glittered like delicate diamonds against the night sky. The ocean, it roared like an ever persistent beast unable to rest, crashing in waves upon waves against the rock. And the sky, oh the sky. It was grey with its predominant clouds rolling and turning, ever in their turmoil. But yet, the snow, it continued to fall and it remained pure and fragile.

"Apolla."...
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posted by LizzyTheCat
1.Hum loudly in class and when he/she tells 'the person who is humming' to keep quiet-stop but then carry on two minutos later.

2.Tap your foot loudly when he/she is grading tests.

3.While he/she is busy explaining something, have a huge coughing fit (make sure it's loud) and don't let her finish a sentence.

4.Push your chair in and pull it out, non-stop.

5.Sigh loudly while he/she is explaining something and look longingly at a clock (or your watch if you are wearing one) and then look out the window and sigh again.

6.Pretend to be asleep during a lesson and when you get woken up, scream loudly...
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posted by dizzydiscgirl
Hi peeps, I just had an idea so I made a spur of the moment article!!!
So, what you've gotta do is write a single word in the comment box (make sure it's relevant to the one above it!) and eventually it will make a story!!!
E.g:
There
Once
Was
A
Carrot
Called
Bill!

Get it? Ok, the starting word is...
Who




Ghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghhghg



Just filling up puwang so the artikulo will ACTUALLY POST HOW LONG DOES THIS THING HAVE TO BE?!?!?
.."........."....."...."........
uy everyone, I just joined.

I stumbled upon this while surfing the net. I'm posting the ones I thought were the funniest. (I'm not the may-akda of any, of course, and I don't know whom to credit.) Hope you like it.


Three things are certain: 
Death, taxes, and Nawawala data. 
Guess which has occurred.

Everything is gone; 
Your life's work has been destroyed. 
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

The code was willing, 
It considered your request, 
But the chips were weak. 

Windows NT crashed. 
I am the Blue Screen of Death. 
No one hears your screams. 

Errors have occurred. 
We won't tell you where or why. 
Lazy...
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posted by hetaliaitaly
One araw there was a little girl called Emily She had a toy doll the doll seemed so normal but with one exception it was missing a finger one night before Emily went to kama she sat the doll above the fireplace and went to bed.

Emily was fast asleep but then "Emily im in the lounge room coming to get you" Emily thought she was dreaming so she ignored it but then "Emily im on the staircase coming to get you" Emily hid under the covers,

Everything was quiet but then "Emily im in the hall way coming to get you" Each time the voice spoke it got louder Emily was very scared and then "Emily im at your...
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posted by SymmaGirl2
Coffee can reduce the risk of skin cancer.
Ancient Rome is now a micronation
No matter what your language teacher tells you, short sentences are important in Pagsulat and are not mistakes or bad.
Sealand now has eight official citizens
Ice cream is Italian food
Fortune cookies are Japanese, not Chinese
Hatsune Miku was NOT the first Vocaloid, Leon and Lola were
Thunder is a natural sonic boom
The speed of sound is 330 miles per second
Infrared light was first used in WWII
Schrödinger's Cat is a physics paradox
Weak force is a billion trillion trillion times stronger than gravity
People are actually obsessed...
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1)
'It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only sa pamamagitan ng preparing for war'
- John f. Kennedy
----------------------------------------------------
2)
'Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety - nine percent perspiration'
- Thomas Edison
----------------------------------------------------
3)
'Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools'
- Napolean Bonaparte
----------------------------------------------------
4)
'The child is father of man'
- William Wordsworth
----------------------------------------------------
5)
The government of people, sa pamamagitan ng the people, for the people shall...
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1. When a twilight tagahanga says 'twilight rocks' say 'rocks made of twilight?'
2. Go up to a twilight fan, scream 'Bella! Bella! BELLA!!!! YOU'RE AWESOME!!!!' when they say 'I know right!' say 'Oh no I meant Bellatrix'
3. Ask them all tanong about twilight that you can think of. When they ask why say 'I'm doing a book ulat on the most boring books of the world'
4. Get all the boys and twilight haters (better for them to be Harry Potter fans) to start saying 'Edward, Edwardo, Eddibear, sparkle sparkle'
5. Say that you hate Stephanie Meyer, she's a horrible may-akda and her books make want to poke...
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posted by energizerbunny
5. Avril Lavigne

Not a tagahanga but she's so skinny!! I've never been skinny in my whole life and will never be.

4. Sophia Bush

She's pretty. She has boobs & a butt, but is not big.

3. Kaya Scodelario

Again with the skinniness. I don't think skinny is all there is, but for someone like me who's never been skinny, it's seems nice! She also has a unique face and her eyes are gorgeous!

2. Katie Cassidy

This girl is just so GORGEOUS!! And looks so classy when she dresses up.

1. Megan Fox

Not a tagahanga but she has to be the DEFINITION of PERFECT! PERFECT face, PERFECT body, just PERFECT!!


Some people are just lucky I guess. <33
1.eat like 10 candys or something
2.chew lots of sugar gum
3.eat a bowl of sugar
4.listen to a song that makes u crazy
5.eat some ice cream
6.think of something crazy u want to do
7.just do nothing then if u cant take it it well make u crazy
8.go outside then do a game of base ball or swiming water and when u lose makes u go crazy
9.if ur mom tells u what to do and u dont want to do it it well make u go crazy
and finally
10.listen to a jb song then it well make u go crazy cuz u kinda hate him
LOL!
posted by ilovetowrite
How do you find motivation to exercise when you just don’t feel like getting off your butt? I ask myself this tanong every now and then, and I have the feeling I’m not the only one.

A few weeks ago, I wrote 4 Simple Steps to Start the Exercise Habit… and the fourth and final step was to add motivation as needed until the habit sticks. This post is to help you with that fourth step.

There are a million ways to motivate yourself to exercise, actually, but these are a few that have worked for me. And trust me, I’ve had days when I’ve struggled with exercise. Most recently, the things...
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posted by jbiebs4evajb17
1... ask Ur teacher if u can sharpen your pen(and ipakita your pen to them)
2... when taking attendance say here for every one.
3... when taking attendance.. tell the teacher that they sinabi your name wrong and say ur name different every time.
4.. raise your hand to ask a tanong and say some thing walang tiyak na layunin like.. i like cheese... or carrots are pink... or say something obvious,,etc,,
5... raise your hand when the teacher calls Ur name say what then they say u had Ur hand up and u say no i didn't..
6... ask your teacher if u can have a bath room pass when they give it to u say never mind im all better...
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posted by katetekiku
1.Buy a kids meal, and play with the toy you get on the middle of the floor.

2.Fill a medyas with pennies, and then demand all of the pagkain using the money in the sock.

3.Run through the waiting lines.

4.Buy a burger and give it to the waiter/waitress.

5.Go up to the counter, and before the waiter/waitress can say anything, say "Welcome to McDonalds. How can I take your order?"

6.Give a burnt french fry to a walang tiyak na layunin person across the room.

7.Buy something off the menu, like tacos or baked beans.

8.Go to McDonalds in your bathing suit.

9.Chew as loud as you can so everyone can hear.

10.Run inside and sing Mary Had A Little tupa at the tuktok of your lungs.

11.Eat another person's pagkain when they aren't looking.

12.Have a loud conversation with your friend about walang tiyak na layunin things, maybe even a fight (no punches though!)!

13.Rap your meal at the counter.