Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your petsa begins talking about themselves.
Sacrifice french fries to the great deity, Pomme.
When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food.
Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat madami from their plate than s/he does.
Drool.
Fill your pockets with sugar packets, as well as salt and pepper shakers, silverware, floral arrangements . . . i.e. anything on the mesa that isn't bolted down.
Hold a debate. Take both sides.
At dinner, guard your plate with fork and karneng hiniwa knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.
Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.
Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.
Repeat every third third word you say say.
Give your claim to fame as being voted "Most Festerous" for your high school yearbook.
Read a newspaper or book during the meal. Ignore your date.
Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.
Twitch spastically. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about.
Stand up every five minutes, bilog your mesa with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.
Order a bucket of lard.
Ask for crayons to color the place mat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.
Howl and whistle at women's legs, especially if you are female.
Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.
Chew with your mouth open, talk with your mouth full and spray crumbs.
Eat everything on your plate within 30 segundos of it being placed in front of you.
Excuse yourself to use the restroom. Go back to the head waiter/hostess and ask for another mesa in a different part of the restaurant. Order another meal. When your petsa finally finds you, ask him/her "What in the hell took you so long in the restroom?!?"
Recite graphic limericks to the people at the mesa susunod to you.
Ask the people at the neighboring mesa for pagkain from their plates.
Beg your petsa to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.
Ask your petsa how much money they have with them.
Order for your date. Order something nasty.
Communicate in mime the entire evening.
Upon entering the restaurant, ask for a upuan away from the windows, where you have a you have a good view of all exits, and where you can keep your back to the wall. Act nervous.
Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.
Hum. Loudly. In monotone.
Undress your petsa verbally. Use a bullhorn.
Auction your petsa off for silverware.
Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.
Order a baked potato for a side dish. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato for you, have the first one back up on the plate. Repeat later in the meal.
Order beef tongue. Make lewd comparisons or comments.
Get your petsa drunk. Talk about their philosophy. Get it on tape, and use good judgment in editing to twist their words around.
Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience.
Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).
Take a break, and go into the restroom. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. Insist that they just need airing out.
If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite.
Bring 20 or so candles you, and during the meal get up and arrange them around the mesa in a circle. Chant.
Save the Buto from your meal, and explain that you're taking them tahanan to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her.
Order your pagkain sa pamamagitan ng mga kulay and textures. Sculpt.
Take a thermos along, and hide it under the table. Order coffee, and fill the thermos one cup at a time, taking advantage of the free refills.
Insist that the waiter cuts your pagkain into little pieces. In a similar vein, insist that he take a bite of everything on the plate, to make sure no one poisoned it.
Accuse your petsa of espionage.
Make odd allusions to dangerous religious cults.
Don't use any verbs during the entire meal.
Pass the hat in the restaurant. Use the proceeds (if any) to pay the bill.
Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.
Feed imaginary friends, or toy mga manika you've brought along.
Bring a bucket along. Explain that you frequently get ill.
Quote Beavis & Butthead . . . especially in reference to how your petsa would like to be pleased.
Listen to violent music before going out. Recite all the expletives during your meal.
After halik him/her explain that you're doing a study on the spread of mononucleosis.
Shoot hoops with hipon into his/her wine glass.
ipakita up with make up on ninety percent of your body . . . all lipstick . . . especially if you're male.
Dominate the conversation. Every time your petsa opens his mouth, interrupt and start a new conversation.
Belch. Rate yourself.
Complain of the effects of the acid you dropped before the meal.
Comment that the mesa would look simply marvelous with a severed head as a centerpiece.
As you pagkain arrives, mention how long it's been since you last ate raw meat.
Count your contraceptives.
Stroke your thigh while commenting how much you can't wait until the meal is over.
Yawn. Don't cover your mouth. Roar.
When the meal is done and the tanong arises of whether to go someplace else, politely decline saying that you have had your fill of bad taste for the night.