Perks of being an English Major

I was born on a mani plantation 62 segundos before my dad blinked for the kajillionth time. The turkeys played an orchestra piece called "Eat my shorts", sa pamamagitan ng Bart Simpson. Homer was right there, eating a donut, when Marge walked in with a turkey baster. Immediately, the orchestra fled to Treasure Island to retrieve a '92 Toyota Corona. Then Sir Francis patong lalaki showed up to ask me if I could cut his hair. He said, "I needeth a cuteth of my hair to impress Medusa." So I hopped on my hovercraft and grabbed my scissors. He gave me a pice of tsokolate gawing kalokohan cake as a reward. I suddenly needed my diaper changed, so I went to my mommy and said, "Mom, I made a cow pie. Either give me a new diaper, or eat my patty." She patted my head and changed me. And that's all about the araw I was born.